by jwfacts 8 Replies latest social entertainment

  • jwfacts

    I found this book for sale on the Internet. The writer lives at bethel. The forward made me laugh. Now we know what all those evicted bethelites are going to be doing for a money.

    This self-help book is for men who have been constantly overlooked for the position of Elder in their congregations. If you are a publisher or a Ministerial Servant and have been waiting years to become an elder while brothers who came into the Truth after you have been appointed Elder, then this book is for you. We do not preach to you nor do we quote scripture. This book was written especially for you by very experienced Jehovah's Witnesses. This is a candid book that shows you exactly what you need to do to get the appointment of Elder that you seek. This book takes a sometimes lighthearted look at what it takes to be an Elder. We should never be so serious that we cannot laugh at ourselves.

    OVER the years we have seen men appointed as Elders who we would not trust to walk our dogs properly. We have also seen truly godly, sincere, truth loving men overlooked and tossed aside as if they were a pile of dust.
    No doubt you know or have known men who came into the Truth years after you did and were appointed Elders in a very short time. You may resent the fact that these new men are Elders and you are still waiting. Perhaps “resent” is too harsh a word. It does make you wonder though, doesn’t it? What have they got that you don’t have? What are they doing that you are not doing?
    Perhaps you have spoken to the Elders in your congregation regarding your goal of joining them. They have probably given you vague advice such as praying on it and continuing to “reach out”. The term “reach out” in the Kingdom Hall usually means mowing the lawn and performing other menial duties. If you have mowed the lawn. Vacuumed carpets and cleaned toilets until you are blue in the face and are still no further along in your goal to becoming an Elder, this book is for you.

    We approximate that between us we have appointed thousands of Elders and Ministerial Servants. Some of our appointments were good, God fearing men who truly deserved to be Elders. Some of the men appointed as Elders were of such shady character it made us wonder how they had the audacity to call themselves servants of Jehovah. They were appointed anyway. Sometimes because the Circuit Overseer said to appoint them because they had a beautiful wife and gorgeous children and their presence would cause others to follow them into the congregation. Sometimes because they were professionals, such as lawyers or doctors and the community would see that the educated were also Witnesses. Sometimes they were the owners of an SUV that could hold a large group of publishers and they could be counted on to participate regularly in Field Service. Appointments of Elders are made for a myriad of reasons some of which have absolutely nothing to do with spirituality. Take a look around your Kingdom Hall and see the men who are appointed as Elders. While some of them may be truly deserving men, you will no doubt notice that not all Elders are truly deserving of their appointment.

    We want nothing more by writing this book than to aid our brothers who are unhappy with their lot in the Kingdom Hall. Service to Jehovah should be a joyful thing. It cannot be joyful if you are sitting in a state of suspended animation waiting for your time to be appointed an Elder. So we decided to use our years of experience to outline exactly what is expected of brothers who want to become Elders in their congregations.


    IF you are a baptized brother, have been in the Truth for many years and are still a publisher, you are in need of our help. Maybe you have advanced to the position of a Ministerial Servant. Odds are you have remained in this position for many years and you cannot seem to progress further ever though you feel you are doing everything right.

    If you see yourself in either of the examples above, and you really want to be appointed an Elder, then you have to think about reinventing yourself. Think of how some popular pop stars stay on top by inventing themselves every few years. By doing this they add freshness and surprise to their personalities and to their repertoire. They do not allow the public to take them for granted. Following this example and with the aid of this book you too will be able to reinvent yourself. You will be able to turn yourself into the brother that everyone sees as an Elder, a brother who is respected, held in high esteem and who people come to for encouragement.

    All reinventions take effort and work. Don’t be discouraged though, because it is not as much work and it won’t be as hard as you think. In the end you will have the appointment that you covet.

    Hopefully, you have been in the Truth long enough to be aware of the set up in the Kingdom Hall. You understand the different roles of the brothers and sisters in the congregation and you realize that there are actually hierarchies and cliques in the Kingdom Hall, with the Elders in the upper echelon. Of course, there should not be class distinctions and cliques in the Kingdom Hall but unfortunately we are not yet perfect and you cannot change human nature. In any event, you can use these imperfections to your advantage.

    Always keep your goal in mind. You want to be one of the Elders. The Elders are the ones that run things in the Kingdom Hall, they are the ones that give the major talks, they are the ones that are on the assembly programs, they are the ones that are in the dramas, they are the ones that know all the news, they are the ones that know all the gossip because the brothers and sisters seek them out to tell them their troubles and where they have fallen short. You want to be just like them.

    You should not be ashamed of wanting to be an Elder and being willing to work toward that goal. No one should condemn or judge you for working hard to achieve your goal. Of course, your reasons for wanting to be an Elder are your own. We just hope that power is not one of them and that you are motivated by a strong desire to truly be of service to your brothers.

    You should also not be ashamed that you want to be an Elder right now. You don’t want to wait years for the appointment like Brother Oldandtired. Every congregation has a Brother Oldandtired. He is that Elderly brother who has been waiting years to be an Elder and no matter what he does he is not noticed. As a matter of fact Brother Oldandtired is something of a laughing stock in the congregation, with his long, drawn out comments and prayers. Brother Oldandtired seems to believe that the longer his comments are and the longer his prayers are, the more spiritual he will be perceived. Sadly, he does not realize that it just does not work that way.

  • juni

    Doesn't he know by now?? You have to have the "elder" look. Right clothes, hair, demeanor, and being willing to follow ALL the commands to a "T" without question. Juni~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Clam

    OVER the years we have seen men appointed as Elders who we would not trust to walk our dogs properly. might say the Organisation gets what it deserves.

    We have also seen truly godly, sincere, truth loving men overlooked and tossed aside as if they were a pile of dust.
    ........they have since left and are regular posters on
  • AlmostAtheist

    I have a copy of that book. It is a very entertaining read. If I was still in the org for family reasons or whatever, I would definitely use the suggestions just for the hell of it. It can't help but work.

    You can get it here:


  • IMustBreakAway

    Interesting idea. I wonder what kind of havoc i could wreck as an elder...?

  • slugga

    Buy it and send it to your fav stuck up going nowhere fast Brother or MS for his birthday


  • Check_Your_Premises

    I highly recommend this book for those who are not JW and wish to understand the KH dynamics better. This thing REALLY opened my eyes to alot of things around the hall. One of the prime motivators for everyone really is status, the JW world is no different. This book will show you how the guys go about getting it.



    Forget that dumb-ass book!

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  • mustang
    Perhaps “resent” is too harsh a word.

    This is more like it: Perhaps “resent” is too harsh gentle a word.


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