Conversations with my dad & sister for 1st time in over a year...

by Jamelle 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • Jamelle

    I recently had to call and leave a message at my parent's home due to needing specific information from them about their places of birth, etc., because I'm applying for a passport.

    My sister called me back later that same night and we had a strained, but all in all, cheerful conversation. She's younger than me, just turned 21 - I haven't seen her in about 3 years. We spoke mainly of her work, and kind of danced around the subject of my marraige back in March '05 that none of my immediate family came to.

    I asked her if she thought my parents would like it if I sent them a few pictures from the wedding. You could tell she was trying to break it to me gently, but she said that she didn't think it would be a good idea. She said that I was a painful subject for my parents and that they didn't talk about it alot because they didn't want to face it.

    I told her that I thought that was too bad and that I felt sorry for them. I kept my tone even and calm. I didn't want to freak her out. I made sure she had my phone number and knew that she could call anytime she felt like it. Shes talking about moving out into her own apartment so you never know - she might feel more inclined to contact me sometimes once that happens.

    My conversation with my dad the following night was very brief. (He'd not been home before and I still needed info from him) After a couple sentences of small talk he asked me, "So...has your name changed yet?"

    What I said was..."Uh...yeah, dad."

    What I was thinking was... WTF? Did you burn the wedding invitation I sent? Forget the date? We're coming up on our 1st year anniversary here!

    He immediately congratulated me, but in the same infuriating way he's always responded to good news from me since I've been DF'd. He always sounds like hes sorry to hear I'm doing well in the world - I know this is because he wants me back with the JWs because he thinks I'm going to die otherwise - but it still drives me crazy.

    The other thing that bugged me after I thought about it for a while was the way that he seemed to be expecting me not to have been married. Like I was just joking or better yet, no worldly man would ever do the "honorable" thing and make an honest woman out of me. Can I be sick now? This is the way they used to think about things and I'm sure nothing has changed.

    I'm probably reading way too much into this. It just frustrates me because both of my parents are very sweet, gentle people. (Although my mother has issues I can look at her life in it's context and understand some of why) They have gone through hell over my leaving the JWs. I know that. And it's all for no reason - no scriptural reason - and theres nothing I can do to change their minds.

    Well, anyway...thanks for listening all. I just needed to vent.

  • TallTexan
    He always sounds like hes sorry to hear I'm doing well in the world -

    Of course - you can't be happy away from Jehovah's organization. They think that the 'happiness' you're feeling is void and empty and false. You know how it is - people inside just cannot accept the fact that you can be happy away from the controlling environment. Opens too many doors inside their mind that they have to slam shut.

    It's truly sad that you cannot share the joy of your life with your family. As long as you've kept the 'door' open, then you've done all you can do. The rest is on them. I know you know all that, but just wanted to share a few supporting thoughts.

    Thanks for sharing. I still get a little hot under the collar when I hear these things, though.

  • Jamelle

    Thanks, Tall Texan! I really appreciate that!

  • mrsjones5

    Every time I read a topic like yours Jamelle it gives me flashbacks on how my parents have treated me because of the "truth".

    I sometimes think they most have taken a jw parenting class 101 - How to irate your childern back to the "truth".


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