Mom coming for a visit

by caligirl 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • caligirl

    My Mom arrives tomorrow for a week long visit. I'm seriously debating having a conversation with her, not about doctrinal issues, but more of what bothers me in regards to the mind control aspect of it all. I have been reading Twisted Scriptures, and The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. The difficult thing is that the whole witness thing has kind of been an off limits subject. Like the white elephant in the room... we all know it's there, but no one wants to address it. (my topic history contains a summary of the last discussion we had)

    I am thought of as the "angry one" which is not really accurate. I have definitely had some feelings of anger (who doesn't, when confronted with all of the evidence of being made a fool of?) but I am not angry in the sense that they think of me as angry.

    My mother has at different times, admitted that she and my father have had doubts before, but the conversation never went further than that statement. It was as if the lid to the box opened, but was slammed shut again just as quickly as it opened. I understand the psychology of mind control, but I could swear at times that I see the strain on my Mom's face for everything that she does.

    So, my dilemma is that things are relatively peaceful, in terms of we just don't talk about it, which is at best, a pseudo-peace because the subject is always there looming. I don't want to fight with her or discuss doctrine in any way. I just want to have an intelligent conversation and see if she might open up a bit with me on why she stays even though she has admitted doubts. Would I be stupid to rock the boat and try to discuss with her how I feel?

  • Honesty

    Leave some of the UN/WTBT$ correspondence from both parties lying around where she can't help but noticing the WTBT$ Logo. I bet she peeks just to see why the Borg would be sending you a letter.

  • freedom96

    Caligirl, as your husband I have to say that you can't help yourself but to rock the boat. Still love you though.

  • TallTexan

    I think you should at least try and broach the subject. If you get shut down, then so be it. But it's just like going in service (well, except it's not that boring) - you never know what has happened since your last visit to change her receptiveness. I went through very similar things with some close family members, but one day they were receptive and now they have come to know the REAL 'truth'.

    The problem with having family/friends in the truth when you are not is that you will never have a meaningful relationship with them unless you are at least honest. Then it is in their court. If they shun you, well, that's up to them. At least you know you tried. I'm facing very similar issues with some of my very best life-long friends who are on the verge of not speaking to me because of my 'apostasy'. If they choose that route, then I guess they weren't worth having as friends least that's what I tell myself. :-)

  • vitty

    I have the feeling my daughter is unhappy in the truth and so im going to ask her the next time i see her, If she found out the truth was not the truth, how would she feel, upset, relieved, sad, glad or what. This will give you an indication or a topic to discuss, it will be about feelings not doctrine!

  • Curious Mind
    Curious Mind

    Are you ready for the consequences?


  • kristyann

    The TallTexan guy is right... if they shun you, then what the heck kind of family member/friend is that anyway? I know that's easier in theory than in reality, and real life is much more complicated than a cliche... but still, it's true.

    By the way, talltexan, how tall are you?

  • Sassy

    I would play it be ear.. If you see an opening, just carefully talk about it at first, so she doesn't feel cornered....

  • deeskis

    it's a hard one isn't it. my parents have left twice before but gone back. dad was six when his newly seperated mother became a witness, mum was sixteen when both her parents started. (although the smoking issue was a stumbler for her parents who "fell away") now they're in their seventies.when i recently learned some of the scandals i tried to tell them, but they laughed and said it was lies. you

    know, they're happy?! (well you have to know the family to fully appreciate that one) i've learned through the years that you can't argue with them. (bites tongue in frustration!) they've got a little circle of jw friends that they socialise with. it would be hard for them to pick up the pieces if they left again now. they don't have much else.

    the last time they went back mum had been going to meetings on her own for over a year, dad stayed home watching tv/reading. i think eventually he thought "well if you can't beat em, join em" they were very liberal the first few years back, but the brainwashing has now reinforced their holier than thou behaviour.

    i don't know your personal situation but for me just planting a little seed is my strategy. i have books on my bookshelf from when i left. "we found our way out", "Jehovah of the watchtower", and "Kingdom of the cults" unfortunately Ray Franz had not told his story at that time. my folks have stayed in my house while we have been overseas, so would have had a chance to read them. I just got my copy of "crisis of confidence" yesterday, so that one will be displayed in a prominent place.

    i like the idea of leaving some society letter print-outs lying around, (i wouldn't put them on the coffee table! but maybe on the top of your "to do pile", that's not pushing it but getting it out there. i can't speak for you, but with my parents, rocking the boat doesn't help, only makes things worse.

    hope it goes well for you

    best wishes D

  • caligirl

    Well, I have Twisted Scriptures, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, and the Journal of Church & State with the article on Blood and the Tort of Misrepresentation that I could leave visible.

    This is the first visit that I am not working (I'm a full time Mom now) so previous visits were broken by me being gone all day so we only had to fill evenings with conversation - nothing a bottle of wine didn't take care of! Now I'm home and we have a week to talk or not talk, and in a way, I'd like the chance to talk about something more than the weather and the kids.

    I don't think that my parents could stop talking to their children. I think that if anyone pressured them not to talk to us anymore, then that would create a serious crisis for them.

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