Is spiritual compatibility important?

by serendipity 29 Replies latest social relationships

  • Will Power
    Will Power

    I believe it IS possible to have an intimate relationship on a spiritual level with someone with a different belief system, as long as there is open communication and respect that encourages growth, of the individual and the relationship.

    Where it breaks down, as seen so often in most JW/nonJW marriages, is that a dangerous high control group is calling the shots. When one partner puts brooklyn rule ahead of their spiritual relationship with their god and their spouse, the trouble begins. WTgod does not allow for open communication and respect, nor do they encourage growth.

    will power, a wife who knows

  • stillconcerned

    It's important to me.

  • anewme

    Respect, tolerance and love are the key! If two people have tolerant and respectful feelings towards the other's views, then compatatbility may exist in a religiously divided home.

    The health of the marriage and family life should be placed first above all else, and attendance and devotion to the sect second.

    Religion is a personal and private matter and no two people can be forced to think alike.

    I believe one who professes to adore the true God must be a tolerant, loving and patient person who does not force his beliefs on others, but who teaches by loving and wise example.

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    Well, when I met my future hubby, we were both JW and you know you are not supposed to marry outside the "religion". At the time we had spiritual compatibility - both born and raised JW's, did not question "mother", it was all we'd ever known.

    The problem arises when things change down the road. This can happen with any religion or belief system. If there wasn't a good relationship outside of the "spiritual" component, when that changes there can be problems.

    If you love the person for what they are, not what they believe in, I think you can work around the differences.

    It's what I'm hoping for in my situation.


  • landynsgma

    I have a bf that is JW and I am not. I prayed for the longest time for God to put someone in my life and He chose to put this man in that place. We have known each other for several years but because of marriages or other relationships, it didn't work. Both were respectful to the other's relationship. After being divorced for 6 years, we finally went to dinner. BTW, I am 42 and live alone, he is 47 and he asked my dad if he could take me out.

    He used to "preach to me" and I told him not to. Then after giving it ALOT of thought, I thought I would listen because I wanted to know what made him who he is. He has given me the same courtsey. Given more thought, I really don't even celebrate holidays. I do have a pretty tree at Christmas and my family does get together. His children are not baptised except one out of 7. He loves of all of them the same.

    Compatibility is what you want to make it. Are we 100%? NO we aren't. Spiritually yes, in regards to religion no. But, he has his things, religion, collecting trains, hunting and such, and I have my things scrapbooking, cleaning house, crocheting. Then we have our things fishing, working together to complete project that we feel good about, cooking, movies. Not everyone has to agree 100% or that would take the mystery out of the relationship.

  • Rook

    Love and Happiness.

  • LittleToe

    Proteus put it very well indeed.

    Spiritual incompatibility is a difficult one to dodge, as it can be intrinsic to the individual. If both parties are invested with similar levels of spirituality it can work, but if there's a serious mismatch in priorities it can cause friction. To one extreme, have you ever heard the phrase "they were so heavenly minded they were of no earthly use!"?

    I believe that religous incompatibility can be more or less of an issue as religion is often 50% a social thing, so this can exacerbate any leaning depending on how well aligned both parties are in their attitude of taking it or leaving it and how much they have invested in it (especially socially). I think it's only pragmatic to consider that religion often comes with an inbuilt circle of "friends", therefore a change of religion can have a detrimental effect on relationships, especially where children are involved.

    In the case of the JWs, there's an interfering third-party. It can work occasionally where one party never was a JW, but where there's a DFing (for example) it's a downhill slope. I believe that it would have to be an incredibly strong relationship with a fair wind, to survive that, especially if the party that left has no intention of returning.

    Part of the problem is the mental idea of seperation at some point, where the whole "Armaggedon Factor" comes into play. The remaining party often brings this forward in their mind, or else can't let the situation settle, and desperation sets in. I can only imagine that something similar can occur in fundamentalist religions, too. The result is similr to "fight or flight", though in this case it's "preach or reject".

    LT, of the "was married to a JW and now I'm singing those blues" class

  • serendipity

    Hi landynsgma, welcome to the forum!

  • serendipity

    ((( Little Toe ))) and hugs to anyone else who lost a spouse due to religious differences. (Has anyone started a thread about that?)

    LT, I like your point about the social aspect of religion. Even two people who are spiritually compatible and of the same religion could have conflict due to different social expectations involving the religion.

  • deeskis

    I agree spiritual compatability is important,

    it's religion that causes the problems! .........and all that can come to a head when children enter the picture. having kids changes every relationship......(I'm not saying in a bad way, but the relationship is changed by not just having to think about only two anymore).

    What's important is good communication, and knowing where you stand before you're on shaky ground.

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