by InquiryMan 20 Replies latest jw experiences
Inquiryman,
Remember the proper prespective, YOU DON"T ANSWER TO ANYONE - YOU ARE NOT ASHAMED !
Your father seems to be approaching this like you're still a kid who's now in trouble. DO NOT reinforce that.
Be sure to convey to you father:
1) HE is about to wreck the family! - Why?
2) HE will have to live with the results.
3) You have been quietly fading for the benefit of the family.
Good Luck
-FW
Thanks for your input. I am not of the "fighting" type. I just want to be left alone, living my life quietly and having at least a minimum of contact with my family. I do not interfere at all with their religious affairs and do not attack it. I also do not try to persuade them to follow my path in any way. I agree a lot with the last input, What is he about to achieve? He’s actually the one initiating the eventual breakup of family ties.
I handed in my "Pay Attention to Yourselves and all the Flock" when resigning as an elder. Does anyone have a valid link to a site where the book is avaiable online or as an pdf?
IM,
I'm not into fighting or bickering either. With my folks though, I make sure to remind them that they are the perpetrators, they are going out of their way to cause harm. If I don't, they adopt a mindset where they think I am the one making trouble, when in actuality they are the one's "Mucking it up". It's just the way they've been trained to think.
You can download the Pay Attention book here:
Thanks, have already printed the necessary pages.
My father phoned this morning, concerning another family matter. I however, did bring up, in a calm manner, the incident that happened yesterday. He stated that he was disappointed with us, but had not done anything yet. He would ponder upon it. He promised to let us know if he did proceed to tell the PO. This time, being somewhat prepared, taking the advice given here as well as from my wife, I did appeal to his common sense, making it clear that as adults we cannot expect one another to take the same choices even though we’re in the same family. I reminded him that his choice on becoming a witness as an adult did create a split within his own family, but they in the end did respect it. Although having differing views, I pleaded that tolerance and mutual respect should be shown. I also stated that I was surprised that he would let the consideration to his own conscience go above family relations and also that a further development such relations would be hurt both ways. That it would inflict them as well. They agreed on letting our youngest child be with them on monday, when we’re both working. They agreed to that (seeing their grand child for a whole day ;-). They are not of the preachy sort though. In fact, even though my father being an elder, I do not remember even one time when he looked up a passage in the Bible to discipline us etc. I also stated to him that we cannot be expected to live in a void, a vacuum, having stopped association for close to four years. Would he expect us to abide by all witness rules, when not enjoying the "perks" of being part of the congregation in an active way? I also stated that my observance of christmas, was merely of keeping a cultural tradition held in high esteem in our country. In fact, 99 per cent celebrate christmas. Only JWs, jews and some moslems abstain. He told that many emotions on his part welled up, and seemed to imply that we did not care about that. I did state, that as far as that goes, I do respect their way of life, thus abstain from bringing up negative points on their religion or even divulging information I could have passed on that may have affected their faith system adversely. Although difficult, respect should go both ways. I also did refer to some points mentioned on page 99 in the Pay Attention book that was useful. So, right now, we’ll just see what happens. Concerning my sister’s reaction. She was not prepared that we did celebrate christmas, but obviously she is a good actress or rather concealer of surprise. She thought I acted strangely by being so normal (although internally I did sort of panick, and were talking in a rather nervous manner - at least that was how I felt about it). She sort of felt that I should be "embarassed" or something like that for being caught celebrating. I did state to my father, that I of course have to stand for my choices, and felt no need to be ashamed. She had mentioned that our living room was full of decorations (I guess I had done the same if I had been in her position, so no offense was taken on my part for that). This obviously took my father with great surprise and disappointment, even bringing him to come here solely to see for himself (which I think, did him no good, he could have made a phone call if he felt in need to validate it). However, today, the conversation took place in a calm manner, me being more prepared and able to reason (not from the scriptures ;-) with common sense and decency. He was also concerned what would happen if other witnesses came by. (Of course that would not happen anyway, cause they have not seen the need to come very often - I think altogether twice in four years.) Wouldn’t I feel the need to explain to them what they "discovered"? By all means no, I do not have to apologize for leading a normal life, although that meaning from a witness point of view have returned to the world (or to the vomit so to speak). Also, we cannot live our lives in order to please others.
It sounds like you came off as the voice of reason, rather than the ashamed child who got caught doing something bad. Way to go!
Thank you FreeWilly for your support. Although not many have replied, several hundred has read it, and it means something to me that others who have been or are in the same position know and even drop a line or two.
Gbuss-
You are soo right about witless grand parents.
They ask (in a tone that will not accept NO for an answer)
"Would you like to live forever in paradise where you can play with Bears and Pandas and Tigers?" (NOT Lesbians and Perverts and Gays)
Next thing Granma is telling the elders "my Granddaughter wants the troof - will you give her a secret Babble study??"
HB
InquiryMan,
I sure hope it works out for you. From my personal experience I would say it won't. When my brother first went over to the dark side we would try to get him to bring the family over for holidays. We would tell him he did not have to celebrate just come and visit. Once he did stop by on the way home from their annual Christmas day ski trip with other JW's. It was just not the same. There was one time he was invited over the Saturday after Thankgiving for a turkey dinner. Because my mother was serving turkey he wanted to know if we were going to celebrate Thankgiving that day. As if the fact we were going to have a turkey for dinner was going to cause them some spiritual problem.
JohnR
