This thread is a quick primer for those who are fairly unfamiliar with the JW, but have found that they are dating someone who is or used to be a JW.
Well just to give you a little background on how JW's view the rest of the non-jw world: They basically see you as a bug. You are worldly and certain to bring their loved one death at the hands of God at Armageddon. JW's are forbidden to have a gf, worldy or not.
See, the JW think that the only way to survive Jehovah's wrath at armageddon is to be a jw.
So just take that one simple truth and work out the implications about how his/her JW loved ones (mom, brother, father, and even your bf/gf) feel about you.
On the other hand, if they are dating a worldly person like you he/she is obviously taking a step away from the org by having you as a bf/gf. Your bf/gf likely has some doubts, but they have been brainwashed since birth. So you need to understand that when you talk to them and poke holes in their logic, you are likely butting against years of indoctrination. So here are a few tips for talking to ANYONE who is under the influence of mind control (sounds spooky and glamorous but actually it is quite simple, subtle, and very powerful)
1. Never criticize the org. You can run down other religions ALL DAY. If you are hoping to help them see a flaw in the JW, the best way to do this is point out how messed up some OTHER religion is for doing the same thing. Don't close the loop by saying, "Hey, the JW do this also!" They will (if they want to) make the connection on their own. Play dumb.
2. You are only a student in the eyes of a jw, a potential recruit. You are never a teacher of them. This is your angle though. By being genuinely interested in them as a person, you can ask them questions that force them to THINK.
3. Always be very friendly and humble when you ask questions. The second you have an agenda, or sound like you are trying to win an argument, they will run away.
4. Always try to build his trust. If they don't trust you, and think you are a threat to them surviving armageddon, they will run away. If you are genuinely interested, they can and will talk to you.
5. Talk about religion only if you have to. Mostly just try to make them feel like a real person.
Some questions you could ask (only if they trust you!):
1. How sure are you that this is the right religion? ON a scale from 1 to 10?
2. Isn't it funny how many religions say they are the only right one, and all other ones are bad. I mean really, how could you know if yours is the right one for sure. Especially if you are raised in it and that is all you know?
3. If it wasn't the right religion would you want to know? If you found out it wasn't, would you leave?
4. Have you ever tried to see if there is anything that proves the stuff they say is wrong? Have you ever looked on the internet? I mean if it is the "truth" what do you have to be afraid of? And besides, don't you want to know what people might say about the jw, so you could know how to respond?
Required Reading:
Releasing the Bonds and Combatting Cult Mind Control, both by Steven Hassan. (Letting your loved one see you with this will likely cause them to lose trust in you!)
My thoughts on the prospects of dating a JW:
Again, if they are dating you they are stepping away from the JW for some reason. You could probably plant some seeds in this person, and who knows, maybe they will find some freedom someday. Some gf/bf of jw have actually helped them leave. It really depends on how much time you want to spend. Don't get some "I must save them" thing going. It isn't healthy. There is only one Savior, and it aint you! You could waste your life trying to save someone but the truth is we can never control people or cause them to be what we want. The only people who are saved from these kind of groups are those who want to be.
So don't underestimate how much work and how painful something like this is. You will spend countless hours praying and fretting and scouring the internet for the one thing that might open their eyes. You will watch this person you love and respect be led around by the nose, and talk like a robot. Any agreement that you hope for will have no compromise if it goes against the teachings of the org. You will always be second place. It is quite possible that your loved one will never leave.
If you got this person to dig you then you can probably get someone else to dig you as well. You shouldn't have much trouble then in finding some much better and less complicated prospects out there. Hang out here, ask a few questions, and folks here will give you some good seeds to plant. Whatever you do don't sleep with this person. Sorry if that is a little personal. But if you (or they) get pregnant, expect all their years of phobias and indoctrination to come screaming back now that they have a precious child to save from armageddon! This is actually one of the most common causes for the "unbelieving mate" (aka a person married to a JW) situation. If you do get pregnant, you will spend years here trying to get ideas how to open their mind. Or you will spend years knocking on doors telling people about the "truth".
Be careful. Life doesnt' suffer fools.
CYP (aka "Mr. The Purpose of My Life is to Serve as an Example for Others of What Not to Do")