Ditto on the Twilight zone thing. It's like the one where all of the lights went out in a town and the people thought it would be permanently dark ... until the sun rose the next morning... amazing what you can get people to believe.
Welcome To Paradise
OOPS!!! I forgot to add ... really fun story. As xJWs we were all anticipating the attire and eventual appearance of "the briefcase"... LOL
WOW... this this such a good story... i'm dying to read a sequel.
Thank you again for the comments. While I was at work tonight, I was thinking about my revision of this. I have a few ideas.. I should have time to work on this some more tomorrow.
robhic, thank you so much. I will change it in the revision. I am always grateful when people point out errors.
dorayakii, after I am done with the revision, I will think of a sequel. I have the whole week off and will have plenty of time to write.
I think a re-write, a sequel or a whole series (dependent on your time) would be wonderfully entertaining. Your original is excellent. It truly is on a par with something like the older, black & white (the good ones...) Twilight Zone episodes.
I can just hear Rod Serling now: "Imagine, if you will, a couple of folks -- they could be your neighbors -- going down a dark tunnel of fear and deceit as they try to get away from a life-stealing dark force. This is something you will only find in .... the Twilight Zone." [cue Twlight Zone music]
Thanks for coming back, Robert.
The revision should be done in a couple of hours and my head is buzzing with ideas for a sequel. I can't wait to write it all down. And yes, I have PLENTY of time.
That DOES read like a story idea for a dystopian "1984" type film. I suggest that the two leads be played by Scarlett Johannsen and Ewan McGregor, the two actors who were in "The Island" (but others might be acceptable).
Wow Fairchild you smarty pants! I LOVED IT!!!
Keep on writing. I agree it would make an intriguing television series!
Makes a person stop and think...it also brings back a lot of memories! Loved it!
This has a lot of potential in any medium (book, tv, etc.). Calling such a suffocating place "Paradise" is the kind of thing the Twilight Zone (as mentioned) would have done.
(I just get so mad at you for being so eloquent in a language that isn't even your first!! Well, at least you are using your 'creative powers' for good... )