by jonjonsimons 27 Replies latest jw friends
Tina,
You give some wonderful suggestions. In lieu of the funeral, your ideas would be a great way to have a more personal, intimate celebration of Paul's memory. I do some similar things on the anniversary of my dad's death every year, and it's a great comfort to me. Thank you for the ideas.
Dave,
You have a very healthy outlook on losing loved ones. Thank you too for your reassuring reminders.
Jon,
You are in my thoughts. I wish I could give you a hug.
riz
Jon,
My heart goes out to you. Remember, funerals are for the survivors not just for burying the dead. You may have made a pact but the reality of this loss means you need to do what is right for you right now. So you break a promise, I am sure your friend will/would forgive you for needing to be there.
Do the right thing and what your heart tells you to do.
Yours,
Thirdson
'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'
Jon,
I am so, so very sorry. Your emotions are so visible in your posts and have brought tears to my eyes. I am not very good at offering advice so I won't. I see both sides of the coin and happen to think everyone else who posted all gave you excellent input. I do, however, think that Ray's and Tina's ideas were exceptionally beautiful and moving.
I may not know you personally but I have just met the heart-broken, tormented side and my heart truly weeps for you. God, I am so sorry for the losses, all of them, that you've had to witness.
Kat
Dear Jon,
I think your friend loved you very much. I think he wanted to spare you the pain of knowing he was dying. I watched Ira deteriorate over a period of 4 years to nothing but skin and bones and sunken eyes before he died.
I think the fact that he left you a note about your pact means that he was thinking about it until close to his death. Maybe it meant more to him to think of you mourning him privately. Maybe he would rather you go out and celebrate the memories that you two built with each other. Maybe he laid there cherishing the laughs you shared and couldn't bear to think of your last memory of him being of looking at him dead.
If I had it to do over again, I'm not sure that I would have stayed til Ira died. Funerals rip me to shreds. I would count it as a cherished gift if one of my close friends asked me not to come to their funeral.
hugs and thinking about ya
Joel
Hi all,
Just wanted to thank you all for your kind words. You don't know what it means to me to know that there are so many good people out there. Pauls funeral was at noon today and after talking to his mother I decided not to go. I went to a park where we had spent alot of time together and took my boom box with me. I played his favorite song "Silver Spring" by Fleetwood Mac as loud as it would go. I cried alot but I got to say my goodbyes in private. Except for the bag lady sitting about 30 feet from me who obviously thought I was mental.
Joel, thank you thank you thank you. Pauls mom told me he had made her promise she wouldn't call me and tell me he was sick. She gave me the letter and one day I'll read it but not today. I can't deal with any more tears today. You are a kind and gentle soul Joel, tell Mitch I think he's lucky as hell.
Tina, Dave and Riz,
Your emails saved me from the edge. I'm honored to call each of you the best word in the world, Friend. PS check your emails.
Peace and love to you and yours,
Jon
It weakens and distresses me to hear of someones death. I'm so sorry.
If you can't bring youself to go to the funeral, then while the funeral is going on, go and do something that you know that only your friend, something unique to him, would have done. -I'm sure you know what that is.
May you have peace
Jon, you sweet thing,
thank you for the card. I should be the one sending you a card! I'm glad that you were able to come to a decision today that you are comfortable with, and you were able to keep your promise.
I am honored to call you my friend, too.
riz
I am sorry to hear about your friend's death, but I would feel more sorry for you if you missed the chance to see him for the last time. Sunny444 Lo siento mucho.....
