Installing a workable security system...

by SWALKER 5 Replies latest social humour

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  SWALKER

  How to Install a Redneck’s Security System

  Go to a second-hand store, and buy a pair of men's used work boots - a
  really big pair.

  Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo
  magazine.
  
  Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish.
  
  Leave a note on your front door that says something like:

  "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition… back in ½ an hr.
  
  Don't disturb the Pit bulls, they've just been wormed."
• 

  serendipity

  Redneck humor - gotta luv it.
• 

  Simon

  God bless America, land of the free.
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  gladdy

  That is hilarious, I'm gonna do it! ha haha. We have a tractor trailer in our driveway and some ass stole our 8 foot blow up snowman family from in front of our home AND the extension cord that plugs it in to keep it blown up and lit up and adds much joy to our subdivision! the wonderful RCMP found it and it is now back a little closer to the house. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! It is storming here, I barely made it home from work in all the snowdrifts. BUT it is 76 in FLORIDA!!!!!!!!
• 

  misspeaches

  My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

  • Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
  • Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.
  • I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
  • I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
  • I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
  • I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
  • I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
  • Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
  • I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
  • I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.

  Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour!

  If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

  DO IT NOW OR ELSE.

  And have a nice day!
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  jeanniebeanz

  ROFLMAO @ PEACHYCHICK