Filling the Void

demeter

Hi,

What do you think has been the most helpful thing you have read, heard, or learned lately? What helps you get along in a post-JW life?

I think the reason people go back to an organization that they once rejected is that they find a void and have no experience with filling it.

What do you do to make a new social life?

What do you do to fill the spiritual void? I was trying to explain my philosophy to my mom while being careful not to upset her but it is hard. JWs are trained to believe there is nothing out there for them if they leave. No hope. And of course the 'world and its people are wicked'

I think former JW's do have major trust issues. I know I have had to struggle with learning to believe and trust again in others.

If the organization were to disintegrate, I do feel for the ones who have sacrificed everything. What comfort will they find?

Another major hurdle is the belief that independent thinking is wrong and dangerous. That is drilled in JW's from infancy. This makes witnesses distrust themselves. One scripture quoted ad nauseum is the one about 'the heart is treacherous--who can know it? " and another: 'the one trusting in his own heart is stupid'. I don't have a NWT here or I would give the citation. I think one of them is Jer. 17:9

The KJV : " The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: who can know it? --Jer 17:9

Yet the Bible also says 'Be sound in mind', and: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."--2Tim 1:7. So according to the Bible here, when we turn to God he does give us a sound mind--one we can trust. I think the key here is turning to God and not to a man-made organization. I think you can have a closer relationship with God if you don't have an organization running interference for you. I had been programmed to believe that leaving the WT org was the same as leaving Jehovah.

It was an interesting and pleasant surprise to me when: I found that I felt closer to God when I started using the brain that God gave me.

diamondblue1974

I think former JW's do have major trust issues. I know I have had to struggle with learning to believe and trust again in others.

Absolutely...I know many of us who feel the same.

The first thing I learned to do is trust myself and then the rest comes a little easier.

DB74

KimKat

I totally agree with the trust issue. Not trusting anyone not even yourself, is drilled into everyone - especially if you were raised a JW. I still have trouble trusting - I am kinda a loner. But I always was. I have tried joining craft classes, exercise classes, ect - In the end you do have to learn to trust yourself so you can trust others and have friends.

Maryjane

I walked away from the JW's 5 years ago and to-date have not joined another religion or any organization for that matter. I definitely DO have trust issues that I'm still working on.

A good friend of mine left shortly after I did and is now caught up in 2 equally manipulative organizations....Scientology and she also joined a Multi-Level-Marketing organization (which is like a business cult). I've tried talking to her...reminded her of the Witness experience and asked if she didn't learn anything from that. She is so wrapped up with this new manipulation that she can't even see the similiarities!

We are so fragile emotionally when we leave the JW's that one either rejects any other group or joins one that is similar to the JW's. Is there any happy medium?

forsharry

Yes there is a happy medium...you just have to be secure in yourself in order to find it. Rushing into another religion after being abused for whatever number of years you were in to me is just plain silly. I stayed very far away from religion...heck, I was VERY angry at god. Now I just don't give a rats arse one way or the other. If he's up there, great. I don't think he's worthy of my praise and slavery. If not...then great! I'm not wasting any more time on going through the motions to something that's not even there.

However, I do think the term filling the void is dangerous in this sense. I know I personally was socially stunted, emotionally defunct, and mentally unstable when I left the bOrg. To fill that gaping maw inside of me would be simply burying all of my problems and I did try for a couple of years to devestating results. You have to find out why that void is there...and what exactly is missing within you from all the years in the bOrg and fix it. Don't simply pave over it, because like sinkholes, they will show themselves again at the most inopportune time.

Some have said trust is a big issue...and boy is it ever! You have to love yourself before you can love others...same goes with trust too. Like one of the posters said they tried crafts and groups and everything else to try to fill the void, and it didn't work...why? Because growing up in da troof ill-prepares any of us for normal social interactions. We were raised in an organization where we didn't belong...we were outcasts from the start, different...and it was even further ingrained because of my 'weakened status.' (female.) We never learn to master our environment and therefore cannot be generous to ourselves or others and have a hard time with independence as a result.

I know I'm glossing over what could honestly be an indepth psychological discussion, but it pretty much serves my purpose for the topic of this discussion. I have to go back and relearn...everything pretty much. I'm getting there, but it's frustrating. Instead of simply filling the void, I'm trying to learn why its there and in doing so slowly building it up so that it's not a void...but more like a really deep cavern or something like that. ;)

We're taught to never rely on ourselves...to never trust in us...to never belong to our own being. We are our own worst enemies...who needs the god of the JWs when we've got our own psychologically faulty thought processes to keep ourselves isolated and separated?

MerryMagdalene

What do you think has been the most helpful thing you have read, heard, or learned lately?

"...the most helpful...lately?" hmmm...various thoughts and discussions on this board, reading the Gospel of John on my own w/o WTS interference, exploring the differences between Christian spiritual unity and unChristian religious organization. And I am hoping that I will soon be able to say Barbara Anderson's news is the most helpful thing I have learned lately

What do you do to make a new social life?

Oh dear...I still haven't got this one figured out so good yet. My new social life seems a lot like my old one (I stay to myself a lot and read and meditate and walk in nature) only I don't go door-to-door 4 days per week and sit through 5 hours of "schooling"and I don't make my daughter do any of those things either

What do you do to fill the spiritual void?

I've never actually felt a "spiritual void" so I don't know quite how to answer that one. From the time I was just a child, I relied more on my personal relationship with God than on the congregation or the Society. If the former contradicted the latter, I generally went with God as best I could. That was what led me out completely, for good. What I "do" is read, meditate, pray, and allow myself to just be silent and experience the presence of God.

major trust issues

Yeah. Definitely. I would like to connect with other people, but...JWD is about as close as I've got so far...

I think the key here is turning to God and not to a man-made organization. I think you can have a closer relationship with God if you don't have an organization running interference for you....
It was an interesting and pleasant surprise to me when I found that I felt closer to God when I started using the brain that God gave me.

Right on!

I appreciate your posts, Demeter--insightful observations and thought-provoking questions! Welcome

~Merry

Satanus

Forsharry said:

You have to find out why that void is there...and what exactly is missing within you

This is right on target, imo.

S

demeter

"Oh dear...I still haven't got this one figured out so good yet. My new social life seems a lot like my old one (I stay to myself a lot and read and meditate and walk in nature) only I don't go door-to-door 4 days per week and sit through 5 hours of "schooling"and I don't make my daughter do any of those things either"

I can identify with all that. I am so glad to not have all the stress of getting ready and attending all those meetings and studying for them and studying and reading to keep up with all the extra stuff that was recommended and service etc.

I think some might find a void when they give all that up because Witnesses give up personal fulfillment up to fulfill all the requirements and look to someday distant in the New System, after the earth is all cleaned up and all the resurrected are taken care of, etc to think about doing anything personally satisfying. Living in the present, enjoying the present moment, this is a foreign idea to most witnesses.

serendipity

Hi Maryjane, welcome to the forum!

JamesThomas

First, welcome to the forum.

Demeter:

What do you do to fill the spiritual void?

I give more attention to the present and vibrant moment of life, and less to the minds jabbering and conjecture.

j

Filling the Void

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