How to explain, need some advice.

PoppyR

To give you some background, I'm married, two pre-teen boys. I haven't been to meetings regularly for about a year, and not at all now for about 2 months. Previously we were all hit and miss, so it's only very recently that my boys have taken any notice. Today my husband went and took them and said word had obviously got around (I told my mother, she's faster than the internet) that I was not going, because lots of people came up to him and patted him on the back etc, and told the boys to look after him and that they were good. I can swallow all of this, but I realise I DO need to speak to my boys and explain to them why I am not going, however I am not at this point going to say it's all a lie etc etc. I am not ready to do that and dont want to totally pull the rug from under them. I just dont know how to do the conversation and would welcome any suggestions!

Poppy x

misspeaches

BTTT in case anybody missed this earlier...

Can anyone make a suggestion?

Aude_Sapere

I don't understand your husband's status with the org. Is he the boys' father? Do all of you live together?

I believe that honesty is the best policy. Surely they realize that something is up. IMO, better to at least give them a little information than to let them think that your distraction/disinterest has anything to do with them of their actions.

You can tell them that you are 're-thinking' your beliefs, 'taking a break from the KH'.

Sorry but I don't know much about your personal situation or if you have decided to fully leave the org.

Besides that, I'm not really not sure what else to say other than: bttt (hoping someone else will!!)

-Aude.

Scully

You have to be discreet with children. They don't mean any harm, but giving them the slightest hint that you have doubts is going to pop out of their mouths at the most inconvenient time.

If your husband is still clinging to the JW belief system, he's probably not going to let you say anything that would cause problems for him in the congregation.

For the time being, you can buy yourself some time by saying that you are struggling to understand some "deeper things of the Truth" that you've been researching. Or you can tell them that you are trying to make sure that you understand everything you are being taught and are having some trouble doing that.

It took about a year and a half to get Mr Scully convinced that The Truth™ wasn't ... but after that we decided to talk to our eldest, who was 9 years old at the time, and we explained that sometimes we do certain things and believe certain things because we thought it was the right thing to do. After doing a lot of thinking, and researching, we learned that we'd made a mistake about the JWs. Surprisingly, he was delighted that it meant not having to go to meetings and in service. He could go to birthday parties and we could do holidays. He didn't miss it at all.

YoursChelbie

There's several explanations you can provide anybody to "buy time" while you decide how and when to "pull the rug from under them."

Tell them that you're not leaving Jehovah you have just become discouraged by "some people" (the Arrogant "Governing Body") not being good examples of what a servant of Jehovah should be. After all "Woe to those who cause a little one to stumble."

Tell them you need excouragement and would like an "older sister" to visit you. Then if they assign an "older" sister to talk and you feel comfortable enough ask her to explain all the things you have questions about Biblical or not.

Be sure that during the time that you are inactive you have continuous heart felt discussions with your children. Ask them hypothetical questions like what they would do if you left the Borg because of the many inconsistencies: Would they ignore you and shun you? Would they be willing to trade a life for the organization intead of pursuing highter education or a job they really like? If they are being told to get baptized already, explain that this is a decision that is regarded as more important than marriage and they shouldn't feel obligated to do it before they are 18.

Do all you can now so that when you decide to leave, your family can hopefully leave with you.

YC

PoppyR

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions! And for BTTP for people who saw but had nothing to suggest! I did speak to them, and amazingly it went very simply. For background, my husband wants to stay with the org yes. And at this point in time I would like them to have the choice. I told them I was baptised very young, that I hadn't really had time to really examine the bible and now I realised I needed to do it properly. I still believed in God and the bible and just wasn't sure that some things 'men' taught were true. They were absolutely fine about it, and I'm so glad I was upfront. My youngest did come to me later and ask me if it was ok for him to swear now..lol, and I said NO, absolutely not! I also said at this point if their dad was going to the meeting they would have to go and I hadn't made any decisions. I realise I have to be careful about what they say to people. I so dont want to be d/f ed for their sake. thanks again.

Poppy x

misspeaches

Poppy I am so glad to hear that it went well. You are starting to build strong foundations with your children. By respecting them enough to tell them what is going on in your life will encourage them to show the same level of respect back. I hope that your lines of communication continue to remain as open.

Don't forget to keep up updating us with what is going on either will you.

Miss Peaches

jwfacts

Good to hear it went well. It sounds like you have a very understanding family.
I dont think you need to talk specifically to your family about what you know. The kids will ask questions from time to time and so you can give them casual answers. They will trust you are being honest with them.
I do think you should occasionally discuss things 'calmly' with your husband. He should read some of the information you know. He will say it is apostate, so go to sites like Wikipedia.org and non apostate places to prove the many wrong things of the JWs. I can lead you to a lot of facts and figures from non JW sources if you like. That way he will show if he is interested in knowing the truth, or will be an JW at all costs. Eventually you may be able to encourage your husband to read crisis of conscience.
Hope that helps.

jwfacts

Good to hear it went well. It sounds like you have a very understanding family.
I dont think you need to talk specifically to your family about what you know. The kids will ask questions from time to time and so you can give them casual answers. They will trust you are being honest with them.
I do think you should occasionally discuss things 'calmly' with your husband. He should read some of the information you know. He will say it is apostate, so go to sites like Wikipedia.org and non apostate places to prove the many wrong things of the JWs. I can lead you to a lot of facts and figures from non JW sources if you like. That way he will show if he is interested in knowing the truth, or will be an JW at all costs. Eventually you may be able to encourage your husband to read crisis of conscience.
Hope that helps.

How to explain, need some advice.

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