*Serious Question* ...Do you ever HATE yourself by times?

by Legolas 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Jordan

  I hated myself for a long time, I thought it was because there was something wrong with me, I wasn't a good Witness, I didn't have many friends, I was bullied constantly at school, and I spent most of my teenage years wasting them. I think despite all that, the real reason I hated myself, was because my Dad's rejection of me.

  For a long time the only way I could see to numb the pain and self loathing, was to physically hurt myself. It's not the way to get results obviously, and it's very dangerous, I thought it was helping, but everytime I did it, I felt worse. I fell into a vicious cycle of cutting myself, and then feeling bad about what I had done, all the other problems I had weren't even contributing to my self loathing anymore.

  The best way, I eventually found to help myself, was to find something I enjoyed, spending time with someone special helped aswell. For me, it was my girlfriend at the time (Of course, that led to a whole new set of troubles, but by then I was strong enough to sort them out without hurting myself)

  Perhaps seeing a doctor or something could help aswell... (((((((((Legolas))))))))
• 

  SWALKER

  It really is an issue with the mind. We are programmed from our enviornment to play a certain recording in our minds regarding how we feel about ourselves. If this is negative, we have to reprogram the tape. The best way to do this is to be aware of what you are saying to yourself internally. Then change it to a positive message. Practice telling yourself that you are a good person and deserve a good life. Replace Hate with LOVE...

  What I found was that the JW organization keeps people playing the self-hate tape. Everything we did, or wanted to do was wrong...after a while that computes to our mind that we must be bad. Remember that no matter what we did it was never enough? It's hard to overcome those feelings, but you can if you make a conscious effort.

  Swalker
• 

  GoingGoingGone

  (((((((Legolass)))))))

  I don't think I hate myself exactly, but as a dub I got to the point where I felt totally inadequate. I always felt like I wasn't doing enough, and yet I knew that I was doing all that was reasonably possible to do. Yet, I still felt that it wasn't enough. On the one hand the dubs say that Jehovah expects you to do only what your circumstances allow, but I never believed it, and 'knew' that everyone around me expected me to be a perfect wife/mother/congregation member who attended and studied for and commented at all the meetings, went in service every week and pioneered occasionally, helped all who needed it in the cong.. ...... ... and when I couldn't do it anymore, I felt like a failure.

  Now that I'm out, it's been a huge relief, but I have to be careful still that I don't beat myself up over not doing everything that everyone wants at any given time. It's hard to get rid of the guilt, though, but I'm working on it. I'm only one person, and I deserve some time to myself too, occasionally. I don't need to solve all the world's problems myself . I'm still struggling with it though, so I don't have any wonderful advice to give...... ((((((((hugs))))))) are always nice though....

  GGG
• 

  I quit!

  It is all in your head Legolas. It has nothing to do with reality. I think women tend to feel more that way than men do. Who hasn't known a pretty woman who thought herself ugly. I think it also has something to do with being a witness. Because of wt indoctination a lot of witness don't feel good about themselves and it could carry over into your life after the wt. I think it also could be chemical. I noticed years ago how I could be feeling a little depressed and have a cup of coffee and something sweet and all was well with the world again though nothing had really changed.
  
  Think about what Riko said about having friends and family that think she is ok although I'm sure they think she is a little better than just ok. Look at how Luna2 has felt about herself entirely without any reason to think that way. If we took poll on you and the others who say they have hated themselves I think at least 99 percent of the people hear would say they like all of you so again it has nothing to do with reality. The people who should hate themselves like Hitler and Stalin never do. If you continue to feel this way I think you should talk you your doctor.
  
  Hang in there. Your a nice person.
• 

  Nate Merit

  Hi Legolas
  
  At one time, I sure did hate myself. A crazy dad and a crazy cult did my psyche in. I hope tbis isn't whats going on with you.
  
  I got conseling and began meditating and set goals for myself. Reaching goals really helped me to see myself in a positive light.
  
  We'uns is all different though. How about thinking about the way people LIKE you here? That counts for something.
  
  Nate
• 

  startingover

  I too deal with this. I think it may be a genetic thing or maybe something passed on through association with parents that have no self esteem. But anyway, I have something I use to help alleviate the problem.

  If you are in a group of people, just pretend they are locking the door right now and you can switch yourself with anyone in the room. It doesn;t get rid of the feelings completely, but it sure makes you feel like you have a lot of company.
• 

  Jez

  Sometimes: but here is what I do:

  *dive into my university courses harder, look back on old essays that were great (so you could take a course in something that interests you, 'become' a more interesting person to yourself and others)

  *exercise

  *I turn to someone I know loves me, and tell them that I feel like shit. They always pick me up.

  Hugs to you, you are fascinating, every one has a story, we are all worthy to be here, because we are here.

  Jez
• 

  gumby

  Did Fred Franz talk to his brown shoes?

  Gumby
• 

  lonelysheep

  Yes, I used to really hate myself. Nowadays, I don't except once in a while. I used to drink myself into oblivian to feel good. Now, I work my butt off to keep peace and harmony around me even though 99% of the time, I may hate the situation I'm in. Forgive yourself. Love yourself because you owe that to yourself all the time. Sometimes I feel like that's the only thing I have control over.
• 

  poppers

  Observe those thoughts as if you were looking at anything else. They are just thoughts and have no substantiality, so therefore, they cannot harm you. The thoughts will come and go, but "something" else will remain that is watching it all happen. That "something" else is more real than transitory thought, because that "something" else is always here - it's what you really are.

  Do not judge yourself for those kind of thoughts appearing in awareness, just watch them. To judge yourself is to keep a "story" going in your mind about it all. Just because they are thoughts is there any need to believe them? Treat those thoughts as though they are words being uttered by a known liar - ignore them. When you are talking to a known liar can you take anything they say seriously? In the same way, treat those thoughts as though every one of them is a lie, which they are. Ignoring thought as being a lie undercuts any storyline that had been created concerning the situation. Without a story to indulge in, the mind will get quiet on its own.

  Sit with any sensations that are "uncomfortable" and watch those too. Doing this gives them "permission" to exist for a while, and then they will fade away on their own. To resist the sensations is to keep them trapped within your body. To accept them allows them to spend their energetic charge and so end their "lifespan" within your body.