Sacredness of marriage after leaving the JWs? (long)

Scully

It sounds like he is having an affair with her. It may not be physical at the moment, but it is certainly an emotional one and definitely has the potential to go beyond that.

Obviously it's hurting you on some level, otherwise you wouldn't be asking. You have a right to feel betrayed. He's your husband and he's writing poetry to HER? wtf??? and making "dates" to phone her when you aren't around? again, wtf??? Since you're paying the phone bill, I'd stop financing the calls they make to each other. That's kind of like going to the store and buying condoms for them, isn't it? You wouldn't enable a physical affair that way, but by paying for their phone calls, you're enabling the emotional affair, unintentionally I'm sure.

Friendship is one thing. Threatening your marriage and the trust you have/had in him is another. He's acting like a love-sick teenager toward her. Give him a couple of days to say his goodbyes, or else kick him to the curb. Leave the phone book open by the computer to the listings for divorce lawyers. Circle a few EXPEN$IVE sounding ones. He'll figure it out.

doofdaddy

I reckon you know the answer already.

My relationship ended just after leaving jws. Our new life post wt grew so quickly that we forgot to include each other. Plus there were many unresolved issues bubbling under the surface.

Front him and don't be put off by "You're just jealous" bs. He's moving on and he needs to be honest about it.

By the way, don't blame her. He's the one who committed to you.

Sorry

chamfer

Thanks for the replys so far. It just bothers me because "I" was the one that was doubting the JWs first and did my research and approached him with it and helped him to think for himself.

It seems like more of a slap in the face that way I guess. I know he was mad about my secretiveness when I was researching the society, and my bad attitude for a few years before I really started researching. He thought I was mad at him and maybe even cheating on him. I wasn't. I was just reading the bible and going to the library alot.

If he feels like he deserves to have this new friend after the scare I put him through with my JW research, I'm not sure that is a fair trade is it? Any tips on how I can approach him about the IMs, emails, and phone logs without seeming like a psycho?

chamfer

jwfacts

Leaving the Org does not have to increase the chance of a divorce. The divorce rate amongst JW's and normal people is virtually the same.
Having friends of the opposite sex can also be platonic. I have had several extremely close friends for decades without any involvement.
But I would trust your intuition, and if you feel there is a problem suggest discussing it. Doofdaddy makes a good point. If the organisation was the common thread in your life then you will need to work on finding other commonalities.

chamfer

Having friends of the opposite sex can also be platonic. I have had several extremely close friends for decades without any involvement.

That is why I have held off for as long as I have. Because if I am wrong, it is still going to add an awkward dimension to his relationship with her. And if I'm right, things will change drastically.

chamfer

vitty

I am not the jealous type, but I would NOT put up with this.

Rekindling a friendship is one thing, in fact my husband found a mutual female friend some months back. I wasnt interesting but he met her a couple times and exchanged texts, but he showed me them and they were adress to both of us.

Anyway it dried up after a few months and it was never intense. If it had been id have stepped in and stopped it.

The only thing is how. They may go underground and start being secretive. Why dont you start doing things together, on your own without the kids and start a love affair with your husband !!!!!

Plan a romantic weekend away, you will soon get the vibes off him, on way or another

Keep us posted

MsMcDucket

Sounds like he's in love. He's gone way too far. He's disrespecting you! How dare he call her! Girl, you are not crazy! This man is meeting with this woman? Oh hell no! I don't know how to fix your marriage, but what your husband is doing isn't right!

Are you still in love with your husband?

24k

Chamfer,

I'm so sorry for your plight, but you are right to be concerned. What you've described is not a rekindled friendship, but a rekindled romance. Your husband is writing poetry to this woman, confiding in her, and spending a lot of time on the phone and in chat rooms with her. Even if they haven't been physically intimate, they certainly have crossed the line emotionally. What he is sharing with her, should be shared only with you.

Just a suggestion, try not to focus so much on her. She is not the problem, your husband is. Even if she is the most manipulative person on the planet, she couldn't snag your husband unless he was interested. Try to give attention to why he may be interested in this relationship. What's causing him to pursue this woman? You have every right to confront him with your concerns, and it doesn't make you psycho. Just tell him that the relationship is making you uncomfortable, and you'd like to talk about it. Make it an open discussion, where both parties can really talk about their feelings, much like the conversations you probably had about exiting the watchtower. If he really loves you, he will be concerned about your concerns.

Hope this helps,

Kirk

anewme

Dear Chamfer, if you were my sister we would plan our strategy! Get this lady out of your lives!
I dont like her at all from what you have told us. She has no business communicating with your husband so much! They are both wrong to be talking together behind your back. I would not allow it and would be very open about my unhappiness with it. I would take the advice of Vitty and try to romance your husband. Listen to him if that is what he needs. Compliment his thoughts and poetry. (Im sure she is doing this.)
I personally would call this lady and tell her you are not pleased with her friendship with YOUR husband and that you want the communication with your husband to stop! You have a right to stand up for your own interests! Do not let your husband know of your actions or hear you talking with this woman. Do not allow your voice to be recorded or leave an email she could then forward. Because she could then use it in some way against you and the two would be like teenagers again rebelling against you the angry parent!

This really is a serious matter Chamfer. This is how alot of naive marriage partners get pulled away from their marriages. I would not be afraid to confront this manipulative woman. Just be careful. Do your own manipulating! You have the position she wants! You are in a powerful place! Hang on to it!
You are the QUEEN BEE of your household.

It may be you have to resort to subtle drastic measures ...like cancelling the cellphone account.
Or blocking numbers. Get help to take control of things. You dont need to tell your husband or get his permission. Go into the computer and block her emails somehow. A computer expert could help you.
Even hiding the cords temporarily to the computer for a while would stop communication with her. Hide your husbands cell phone or drop it in the resevoir. These two must stop communicating with each other and the cure may need to be drastic...COLD TURKEY! If he isnt able to do it by himself then he needs your help!!!

Is there a family friend you could confide in who could somehow confront your husband about this matter.....a family intervention so to speak??

A while ago my husband's sister (who is one cold atheist bit*h) emailed my husband that an old girlfriend was asking about him. This was his first love who dumped him back in the 80s and broke his heart.
Now she was looking him up after all these years. We are newly married. To my sister in laws amusement I emailed her that on pain of excommunication I want NO INFORMATION ABOUT US TO BE SHARED WITH THAT WOMAN!

The sister in law obeyed me and that was the end of that AND THAT WOMAN.
I have aready told my husband that I will not tolerate a rival EVER, AT ALL, NO WAY! I told him, the other chick will get hurt. I need say no more. I am a lamb otherwise in life. But come between me and my children or my husband and you will see the WARRIOR WOMAN come out in me!!!

How about you Chamfer? Can you stand up and defend your marriage and family?

Sacredness of marriage after leaving the JWs? (long)

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