So... last night I had the dreaded conversation with my mother. She phoned and asked if she could 'help' me with the truth. I just could not pretend any more I was missing meetings cos I was depressed or any other reason, I just told her I was having doubts about the whole thing and did not see the point in leading a double life and 'limping along'. She brought out all the old lines. But for once I was clear and concise. She told me the dangers of apostate thinking that I needed to pray for help to see the truth. I said I did not need to pray to know the sky was blue, it was true. Nobody could convince me it was green! So if the truth is true.. no worries. I carefully stayed away from any obvious 'apostate' views about 607 etc, and just said the society constantly moving the goalposts on the time of the end had caused me to lose heart. She said I was blind if I could not see how the world was and how close we are.. and I said with respect, I think you've been telling me that since I was born, and although there is a lot of badness in the world, strangely there is also a lot of goodness!! Which JWs love to ignore. Then the old line that Satan was out to trap me and without the restraints of the truth I would be falling into serious sin.. ahem. So I said did she think that the only thing keeping me faithful to my husband for example was fear of dying or being disfellowshipped? Without those of course I have no morals and will just turn immediately into a hooker!! Aarrgggh. I feel a great deal better in some ways, but know I have now opened the door to all the family and elders that she will go to to 'help' me. I finished it (when she was crying) by saying if she really loved me then she would see how happy i was and I had never been happy while in the truth, and she grudgingly acknowledged it. Although I dont want to be disfellowshipped I feel a lot better for being 'out'.
Poppy x