It reminds me of the bumper sticker I see all over the place...
Be nice to your children - they pick out your nursing home.
WG
Aged parents...........
by vitty 25 Replies latest jw friends
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Gill
I might be able to have my parents live with me, if they needed too as long as I found a suitably strong tranquiliser to enable me not to throttle them.
As for my MIL or FIL, I wouldn't look after them if my life depended on it.
They would be in the most unpleasant residential home I could find for them.
I believe in Karma. What goes around comes around....I would like to help Karma out when it comes to the inlaws!
Call me selfish, call me bad, call me evil, call me a nasty person, but I like a little vengeance! It helps me sleep easy at night!
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Mulan
Mulan, I usually enjoy your posts, and I think it's wonderful that your've been able to care for your parents. However, I think you're failing to take into consideration that not everybody has the where-with-all to take care of someone who's hard to get along with. We don't all have the same emotional resources. I wouldn't take care of my mother, if she needed it, because she rejected me for being gay. Since my very being is something that disgusts her, let jojoba take care of her.
Absolutely agree with you. If someone has parents who rejected you, abused you, sexually molested you, that is totally different. I didn't get the impression that we were talking about this kind of situation.
I know everyone's circumstances are different, but I still feel it's the right thing to do to take care of your aged parents. My brother can barely take care of himself, so he wasn't someone who could care for either of them. My children all have young families, so they were not an option either. Someone had to come to the plate and do it, and my husband and I did it. We don't regret it at all. If either of my parents had fit into one of those categories, I still wouldn't have abandoned them. I would have researched whatever government resources that are available and found something for them. They still gave me life and I feel responsible for them.
Remember your own children are watching.................what you do, and what your attitude is, will likely come back to haunt you.
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Dawn
I may be facing this same situation soon. I've been helping my mother a lot, right now she's still in her own home - but I don't know for how long she will be able to stay there. She is going blind, and dementia is starting to set in. She'll forget where she is, or what day it is - that kind of thing.
My mom is a JW and not always nice to me - so it's difficult sometimes to be with her. Partly because she can be difficult, partly because I am still somewhat angry that she did not protect me and my brothers from my father's abuse. I guess I could say "what goes around comes around" as has been mentioned earlier, however - I look at it this way.
I love my kids so much - and I won't be around to take care of them when they are old. I want to know they will be loved, cared for, and surrounded by family in their old age. By taking care of my mom, I am setting an example for my kids - who will in turn, hopefully take care of me - thereby setting an example for their own children. In the end - when they need to be cared for, their children will make sure they have all they need.
I see it as sowing seeds for the future of my own children - and I would do ANYTHING for them.
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Mulan
By taking care of my mom, I am setting an example for my kids - who will in turn, hopefully take care of me - thereby setting an example for their own children. In the end - when they need to be cared for, their children will make sure they have all they need.
EXCELLENT!! That is what I was trying to express before. You said it so well. And..............when she is no longer here, you won't have any regrets.
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ocsrf
Struggled with the same thing. You might be better off doing what we did, and arrange for an apartment close to your home. This will give him some independance and still be close enough to both of you for needed help. Most parents who have been independant, I don't think they actually want to live in the same building, but just close enough to have regular visits and the support they will need. Actually this works out better, because when you do see your parent or inlaw, you actually have a nicer visit than if they are always right there. However, who knows, some may have a an exceptional relationship with a parent and living in the same space might work out great.
OC