good day everyone. have any of you, and i'm sure you have, noticed two distinct personalities to the jw. one that tows the company line so to speak and the other, the real person asserting their true self? depending on the day of the week, or how long it has been since the last meeting perhaps? please comment if you have anything to add, thank you.
duality: there are two people in there!
by telltruth 11 Replies latest jw friends
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Lady Lee
The dual personality has been well documented in the studies on members of cultic groups.
I think most people here have seen it in themselves or in family members.
One of the reasons for so many meetings and the push to be studying the literature so much is to keep the cultic personality in control and to repress the true personality.
The first time I ever really noticed it was a few years after I had left the WTS (DFed). I saw a sister who I have loved dearly and had heard her husband had died. I felt the loss at the time but thought it was better to just avoid the funeral. When I saw her in a store she was alone, so I entered the store where she was and over a rack of merchandise I offered my condolences.
Then I saw this amazing transformation in the woman. Before my eyes she turned into the child-like person. Her body visibly shrank and she looked down at the floor and quietly muttered "Thank you"
If I had not seen the change I would not have believed it. Here was the grown woman reduced to a child-like state because of fear that someone whould catch her talking to me. That was probably the most dramatic change I have ever seen.
But I have also seen the more subtle changes occur in people. To put this in perspective for many others, I worked for years with people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously called Multiple Personality Disorder) In my work I became very familiar with the sometimes subtle switches from one personality to another. Subtle things can be a tone of voice, a posterural change, facial expression.
The JW most often has these subtle shifts. And the shifts are most apparent when at meetings or service. And I have found a noticable lack of real feeling and speech patterns that sound rehearsed (no surprise there because they are rehearsed)
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Darth Yhwh
Although I have never really researched this, I know that as a kid I had at least three personas. I had a JW personality, an around the house family personality, and then there was the at school with friends don't give a sh!t personality.
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Satanus
Very true, in most cases, although the real personality takes so many hits that often, it resembles a bombed out building like you see in ww2 pics. I remember an old jw lady who had a cantancorous nature, a bit loud, hospitable, etc. When the 'truth' personality kicked in, her bearing totally changed. Her voice switched to a serious, smooth, deep tone.
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dezpbem
If you watch people close enough and know what to look for you can find personality shifts in nearly everyone. But they tend to be very subtle. I notice that in many ex-dubbs it's far more polarized and extreme. I have it a bit in that I can be really nice. But mess with me and there's a side that is equally un-nice...:-). In private talk and pm with other ex-dubbs many have said the same. I don't think too many would admit it in a post though. But i've seen much more dramatic and extreme examples going beyond what i've stated...those are plain wierd.
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jgnat
I found I can switch a Jehovah's Witness in to "real people" mode by talking about ordinary things. It is a favorite hobby of mine.
You can switch it back on, too. Try bringing up the "troubles" in "this old world". I swear, every Jehovah's Witness has a rehearsed response for this.
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DanTheMan
I always kept my JW affiliation as quiet as I could at work and around family, because I enjoyed the time away from the the theocracy, where I could just be normal. But then of course I felt guilty. I definitely had two distinct mindsets. Fortunately the "away from the theocracy" mindset won out to where I could barely stand meetings and the stoopid magazines coming in the mail.
I wasn't much of a JW really. LOL
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Check_Your_Premises
This is an interesting subject, and I think one of the shortcomings of Hassan's book, RTB, is that it gives a very basic explanation of this phenomenon.
First of all, I think it is something we can all relate to. As a previous poster mentioned, we all have different personas. We have our "work persona", our "out with the guys" persona, our "religious persona". We probably all can relate to the uncomfortable feeling we get when these worlds collide. For instance I can recall drinking and having a good time at my brother's wedding. I was in my "out with the guys" persona. Then my grandmother tapped me on the shoulder. She didn't say anything, or act in any way dissaprovingly. Nevetheless, I was suddenly ashamed.
I think many of our personalites are exclusive and even contradictory.
The reason it is important to understand the phenomenon if you are wanting to help someone be open to the flaws in the jw paradigm, is that they are most open when they are not in their jw persona. THink of it as a sheild. When they are in jw-mode, their sheild is up. When they are not, it is down.
I think Jgnat brought up an excellent point, that anyone hoping to open a jw's eyes, will need to become accomplished and aware of how to manipulate a jw in and out of this mode.
Another thought I had about this is that there is some inertia involved. I think the longer a person spends in one persona, the more difficult it is to switch back to the other. Furthermore, when a person spends more time in a persona that is in conflict with another, the difficulty in switching is more profound.
The trick I think with a jw is to get them out of jw mode, but do it in a way that when the subject comes back around to something that contradicts the jw paradigm, it doesn't trigger their jw personality. This is a highly skilled bit of jiu-jitsu or maybe ballet, that I am not sure I have a good idea how to employ. Furthermore, it requires a level of sophistication that is difficult to realistically inject into a spontaneous conversation. To attempt to force it into a conversation is to risk coming off like a salesman. This subject is definitely an area where I lack a solid understanding.
CYP
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telltruth
good day everyone. thank you all for your posts. this duality in the jw is the key i feel to eventually releasing the hold imposed upon them. i feel if there is enough effort directed in truly understanding these different personas in each individual case, it would just be a matter of injecting information at the appropriate time. cyp. you pointed out exactly what i was thinking myself about "rtb". i thought that deserved much more attention than was given in this particular book. anyone that may have personal exp. employing aspects of the sia please feel free to contribute your words. thank you. p.s keeping in mind that in no way am i suggesting this as the easy solution, merely pointing toward a logical first step by which to begin. it is the quality of that first step.......
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jgnat
Men and their logic, lol. In the end, you are dealing with a human being. You won't be able to say and do everything perfectly, and remember, take your cue from your partner. What is on her mind?