Marriage
What Decisions Did You Make Only Because You Were A Witness?
by minimus 37 Replies latest jw friends
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Lady Lee
Whoah. That is a harsh thing to go through. That's the first time i've heard of that situation. It's kind of the reverse of a usual situation of adultery. You did it to get out of the relationship. I'm sorry to hear of the harsh effect it had on your self-esteem. How did you get over that?
Well it has been 20 years. I have been able to reconcile my action. For me it was either suicide or adultery. At the time I rationaized that if I committed suicide (as I had planned) then there would be no hope for me for the future. If I committed adultery I could escape my abusive elder/husband and maybe eventually get reinstated.
I know really bizarre thinking.
The whole issue of bloodguilt as used by the JWs was constantly held before me by him. Do what I was told or be responsible for him committing adultery. Well if I was going to be guilty either way I at least wanted the divorce.
It got me my freedom.
I wish there had been some other way. If the net had been available and some kind of support system or even if I didn't still believe the WTS taught the truth maybe I just could have walked away, got a restraining order - whatever. But I saw limited choices and opted for the less permanent one. I've I guess you can say forgiven myself.
I know that this is something I would never normally do. Difficult circumstances require difficult choices.
Fortunately about 10 years after I left the WTS/husband I found the information that set me free from the WTS
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enosant
Wow Lady Lee! Hats off to you! It was a courageous thing that you did and given your choices at the time totally justified in my book!
Once I'd lost my faith and was in the process of leaving the Borg, I too had a difficult choice to make: stay in a loveless marriage to a witness 11 yrs my senior, suicide or leave. She became so aggresive when I had made it clear that I was leaving the Borg, especially after several meetings with the elders failed to address any of the issues I was having with my faith, the Truth, the organisation and the scriptures. I've never experienced aggression like that from any woman before or since (despite having had several relationships since - well perhaps except one displayed similar, but that's for another day): she became emotionally, verbally and physically aggresive!
I remember standing by the Thames, looking at fast flowing the brown waters below. It was cold and the tears were making he ink run on the note in my hand. But I lacked the courage to go through with it. So I had to take the only other option: leave, even if that meant more pain for both of us. But I don't regret that decision now.
Even though there were no children and no assets to fight over (I took only my clothes & my LPs and the old tattered turntable I bought when still at uni and left her and the furniture in a rent controlled 2 bed maisonette in central london), she was so vindictive that the divorce process took 3 years longer than it should have and cost me £10K in legal fees! It was some consolation that the judge in the final court hearing the judge told her in no uncertain terms that she had wasted solicitors time, wasted the courts time and his time and he didn't want to see this case in from of him ever again!
Some behaviour for an upstanding member of the cong., who'd been a pioneer for a decade at the time! -
dezpbem
That reminds me of a decision I almost made...I wanted to end it all myself as a teenager.
I couldn't handle the pain of all the isolation. No friends. No social life. No girlfriends.
So I almost made that descision myself.
But I held out and we left the JW for good before I did.
It seems at least a few of us here have almost been driven to the end by them.
Good to see we stuck it through. I'm left to wonder how many don't...
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dezpbem
whoops! I mean "decision"...LOL!
I seem to have left my spelling hat off when thinking back to that unhappy time.
Funny how even typing about it reduces brain power, LMAO!
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damselfly
Same here man, having lost all the JW friends, you find that you can't bring yourself to let others get too close, even pushing them away (old habbit dying hard). I find I'm still finding myself doing that now. Do you find yourself dong that too? Collecting a large number of acquiantances, that you keep a 'safe' distance away, always finding some excuse not to spend time with them?
I find it so hard to break out of this pattern. I lost so much when I was D'fd I never want to go thru that pain again. It's very, very difficult to get close to someone.
Back on topic I married the first guy I had sex with because I thought it was what I should do even though I had doubts. I had a panic attack in the shower afterwards because I knew it was a mistake.
The decision not to go school ( high school and college ) was made for me, I regret and resent that the most. I was a smart kid, always at the top of my class and on the honor roll. To not be allowed the option to continue with my studies was heartbreaking to me then.
Dams
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enosant
There seems to be a recurring theme going on here:
Same here man, having lost all the JW friends, you find that you can't bring yourself to let others get too close, even pushing them away (old habbit dying hard). I find I'm still finding myself doing that now. Do you find yourself dong that too? Collecting a large number of acquiantances, that you keep a 'safe' distance away, always finding some excuse not to spend time with them?
I find it so hard to break out of this pattern. I lost so much when I was D'fd I never want to go thru that pain again. It's very, very difficult to get close to someone.
I couldn't handle the pain of all the isolation. No friends. No social life. No girlfriends.
Perhaps we should start a new thread on this topic?
enosant
un peut de bien ne peut faire de mal - es b.67 -
Finally-Free
- Dumped all my friends because they were "worldly".
- Dumped my "worldly" fiance.
- Alienated my "worldly" family.
- Pioneered™.
- Cleaned windows, floors, and toilets.
- Postponed education.
- No retirement savings.
- Married a pioneer™.
- Turned down many good job offers because shiftwork was involved.
- Chose to remain childless in "this system".
W