not sure what think...

by apple78 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  apple78

  I hope someone can help me decide what I should think.

  I have a friend who has always been a JW, I am not nor ever will be one. When we became friends she was rejecting it all in a way and didn't care about it. She has gone full circle and is trying very very hard to be a good JW, this has involved her changing many aspects of her life.

  What i want to know is this: is she ok being a friend of mine? is she putting herself in a position by doing so? I read and hear so much I am confused, I hear that it is wrong to be friends with non JW's, but then I hear it doesn't matter. I am being supportive of her and she never tries to tell me 'stuff' about it. I just would rather know now in order to expect a sudden disappearance.
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  rebel8

  Hi

  JWs are strongly discouraged from having social contact with non-JWs. However, it is not supposed to be an offense worthy of disfellowshipping (excommunication). She may end up being verbally "harassed" about it or be looked down upon within her congregation because of it, though.

  How do you feel about this religion yourself? I was a JW as a teen and child, and I had 1 non-JW friend throughout that time who is still my friend after all these yrs. She never discouraged me from being a JW but didn't encourage it either. Once I was old enough to leave the house and make my own decisions, I quit the JWs. I told my friend how I believed they are a destructive cult. She agreed but felt it was best to be supportive of me all those yrs so I'd know I would have a friend if I ever left the JWs. Just telling you that story because I believe that is the best approach in dealing with this situation.
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  AuldSoul

  apple78, WELCOME!!!

  I would start right now reinforcing how glad you are that your friendship goes above and beyond little things like choice of religion.

  She is likely trying to be good because something has recently scared her into thinking the "end of this old wicked system" is coming soon. This religion is fear based. There is fear of being disfellowshipped (excommunicated and shunned). There is fear of getting killed by God at Armageddon. There is fear of losing friends when God destroys them.

  If she really is going to be a good little JW, she will eventually have to either indoctrinate you or stop being close friends with you. To you, she will say she is your friend. To other JWs, she will say, "(S)he's not really a friend. More like, an acquaintance." She will justify this to herself however she has to. But the fact of the matter is, she believes if you don't become one of Jehovah's Witnesses you will be destroyed by God at Armageddon. As I have heard from the platform at Conventions of JWs, "Who would want to be close friend with manure, with fertilizer for the plants of the New System?"

  If she exposes herself to enough of that indoctrination and there is nothing to counterbalance it, she will start to think that way in time.

  Now, if you would like, we can get you ready with questions and arguments so that you can tell her, "I don't guess I'd mind studying, but there are some questions I would need to have answered first." We could give you questions she has probably never thought to ask. Be happy to do it. I hope you can keep your friend.

  AuldSoul
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  luna2

  Hi, apple78. Welcome to JWD!

  Jehovah's Witnesses are not encouraged to associate with non-witnesses, however, some do. It's frowned upon, and they may try to keep it secret from their JW compatriots, but some are able to compartimentalize their lives and maintain friendships with "worldly" folks. I knew of one JW woman who shared a rented house with a non-JW woman, who she considered a very good friend, for many years. This "sister" married a JW man a few years ago, so I'm not sure what the status of their friendship is now. She's always been pretty independant, but the new husband may have affected the situation.

  There is no telling what your friend may eventually do. If she really believes this stuff is the "truth" and she didn't just go back in order to speak to family members again, she might well draw away from you and eventually lose contact. If she isn't completely devoted to the JW lifestyle, she may maintain her friendship with you.

  I'd ask her.
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  apple78

  Thank you all so much for your answers. There have been two occasions where its been brought up. A month or two ago I asked her outright 'am i allowed to be your friend' She said 'yes' but quickly moved on. Second was we agreed we'd be friends for life.

  Its so sad to think she may end up stopping being my close friend, but I'm glad I'm prepared.

  I am trying to look open minded about it all, be supportive and understand. I feel I have been there for her a few times when she needed a friend, I hope she isn't maintaining this friendship with me just to stop her from feeling guilty about using me when she needed a friend like me.
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  I am trying to look open minded about it all, be supportive and understand.

  That's the tendancy of a reasonable person. Live and let live, don't interfere with other people's choices, especially in regards to worship. On the whole, it's a good viewpoint.

  But what if your friend was trying to decide whether or not to become a prostitute? The money, the sex, it sounds fun to her. And other prostitutes tell her they enjoy it, make a bundle, it's great. What would you say? Particularly if you found out that all the women she's spoken to work for the same pimp, and you suspect they are only saying they enjoy it because they've been told to say so, or face punishment.

  Extreme example. But becoming a JW does change a person's life. They don't live for themselves anymore, they now live for the promotion of the Watchtower. It's not a fulfilling life. And it means giving up good friends like you in exchange for plastic friends that only like you as long as they are allowed to do so. As soon as the Watchtower says "No longer be friends with this person", that's it. Total shunning, not even a "hello".

  If you are interested in helping your friend at least see both sides of the JW issue before she gets fully reintegrated, there are lots of great people here to help you decide what to say and how to say it. It takes some work, and you definitely risk losing your friend forever. (If you get labelled an 'opposer' in her mind, she'll cut you off.) But it comes back to your friendship. Presumably you love this person and want what's best for her. It is in her best interests that you give her every opportunity to stay free of JW's. No guilt trip here, just offering an alternative view to supporting your friend in any endeavor she pursues.

  Good luck, and welcome to the forum!

  Dave