by wannabefree 146 Replies latest members private
they wanted to meet with me a couple of months ago, I told them I was just too stressed out, mentioned a specific thing going on ... that specific thing is completed ... they have picked up the ball and want to have a meeting with me
damnit damnit damnit
1. What do you KNOW they know? What do you think they KNOW ? And what end result do YOU WANT ? Can we help?
Ask what the purpose of the meeting is.
If they say to encourage you, thenk them and tell them you know where they are, and would be delighted to call them when you need encouragement. At this point in time your don't need it!
If they have nothing on you, there is nothing they can do other than "encourage" you to return to the sheeple. As long as you listen and don't say anything besides that, there is nothing they can do other then give you suggestions of preying, studying more and how important the meetings are Heb10:23,4. Then they will go on their way, as they try to do their yearly shepherding calls and you won't hear from them for another year. Even if you told them you're too busy to go to the meetings at this time, what can they don? They won't df you on that alone. They will try to guilt you into returning - you know how will J feel at Armageddon..... - or they can mark you as bad association but assuming you haven't been to a meeting in a while you already noticed less invitations to suppers and get togethers so being "marked" really won't make a dent in your life.
If there is something they know through second hand, deny everything, play depressed card or be away tomorrow so they will have to re-schedule.
Review theocratic warfare if you've forgotten and apply when they visit :)
You can always simply just refuse: "No thanks, I'm fine!"
Can they proceed judicially against you without you attending the JC meeting?
What have they got on you? (Feel free to divulge or not whatever you feel comfortable sharing)
Playing by their rules is always a losing proposition. Make them play on your field. It's so much more fun!!!
If it's a JC, they can't force you to go. I've decided if the elders here ever tell me they want to meet with me I will say no.
If they have nothing on you, there is nothing they can do other than "encourage" you to return to the sheeple. As long as you listen and don't say anything besides that, there is nothing they can do other then give you suggestions of preying, studying more and how important the meetings are Heb10:23,4.
I'm with diamondiiz. You have the answers to this question, and only you will know if they might 'have something on you'. If there's little chance that they do - I would simply play along with it. If my ex-elder memory serves, they're probably not looking forward to it that much either - it's just something on their to-do list to prove they're doing their job. Your name will be brought up every year when they run through the list of inactive ones, and they just want to be able to say "yep, we've been to see him... nothing doing". So long as you nod along with everything and say nothing incriminating, there's not much that could go wrong.
In the words of the penguins on Madagascar - "smile and wave boys, smile and wave...."
Cedars
Just say "no, thanks. I'll call you when I'm ready." No explanations, no justification, no excuses, just keep saying the same thing. Then stop talking, silence is a wonderful tool.
your screwed
You didn't say if this is a "Shepherding Visit" or a Judicial Committee or even just "two brothers sent to look into a matter."
To second what diamondiiz said (assuming you feel that you absolutely must meet with them), it's ok to admit to being DISCOURAGED and even to having DOUBTS. But be vague, don't say anything specifically that could in any way, shape or form be construed as apostasy. Always be vague.
For example:
I don't know how old you are, but if you're over 40 or so you could add, "I was never even supposed to finish high school ..."
Depending on your personal makeup, don't be afraid to cry. This completely unnerves most JW men. They are for the most part very uncomfortable with it. It's good to make them uncomfortable.
I know many here push the DENY, DENY, DENY approach and I can certainly understand the practical benefits of dealing with things that way. But I tend to favor an approach that does not involve lying or deception because that is exactly what upsets me so much about this religion and its leaders. I don't think anyone should condemn duplicity and then be that same way themselves. But that's just me.
Another approach you might consider if pressed on potentially incriminating evidence is, "Thank you for your interest in me, but I prefer to keep personal things to myself." Then stick to your guns. Be nice, be firm, be polite, be unmovable on this point, "It's really none of your business."
I know because I learned the Hard Way from handling it incorrectly. I thought I could go to my fellow elders--men that had been my personal friends for over a decade--when I needed help. I was wrong, wrong, wrong!
Please learn from my mistake: The elders are NOT your friends. They are NOT going to help you, in spite of what you or they may think. If they are company men, and most are, they will follow the party line to the letter. The end result is generally not good unless one grovels in the most undignified manner. Even that requires a complete submission to following WT Rules and Regulations or at least the pretense of it. Bad choices both!
Overall, it's really better to not meet with them at all unless you think you will likely be disfellowshipped in absentia. If that's the case, then you might want to consider some alternate strategies. A lot depends on what's at stake in the outcome.
When I was an elder I always thought it was odd when people avoided meeting with us. Now I know better!
I'm hoping for the best for you. Please keep us posted,
Daniel
