by Mad Sweeney 20 Replies latest members private
Is there any way to ask them to leave us alone that they'll respect, short of going full-out and disassociating? Or are they going to keep hounding us until we accept their "help" or outright quit the borg?
All ideas and experiences welcome. They keep asking to meet with us and I can't keep putting them off. I want to end the harassment.
Thanks for any info and advice.
Hello Mad Sweeney,
I wouldn't put it in a letter. That would leave you open to DA.
They stop by:
Brother crabby, we've been trying to get ahold of you lately!
MS: Yes, I've been depressed lately. Personal problems you see - feeling depressed. Been going to the doctor. Will call you if I need anything. I'll try to get to the meeting on next Sunday.
Idiot Elder: Can we come in?
MS: No, I'm trying to lay down. Plus I'm expecting a phone call. But I'll get in contact with you if I need anything else.
IE: Has there been any wrongdoing on your part?
MS: No, I've been depressed lately. Been going to the doctor. I will call you if you need anything.
IE: Can we say a prayer for you?
MS: No, I've been depressed lately. Been seeing a doctor. I will call you if I need anything.
If they keep persisting, close the door.
Rule # 1: NEVER LET THEM IN!!!
Rule # 2: NEVER TELL THEM ANYTHING!!! Not one word. Just keep repeating yourself, you poor depressed soul.
Rule # 3: ALWAYS SAY THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL THEY GET THE HINT. Say it with a smile on your face, but not smug.
They will get the hint!
Don't write a letter saying to "leave us alone" unless you want to be DA'ed. Anything in writing can be used anyway they want to.
You may consider some firm conversations.
"Brother, I am fine. I don't wish for a shepherding visit. I don't wish to discuss my feelings or concerns with you. I have my WT Library and I know how to pray and I know how to find you guys if I ever wish to get your help."
If you cannot say something like that, or if it doesn't work, then I recommend the following:
Switch to saying what you need is money and physical help. Every time they bother you, tell them they can help with a loan, that's what you really need. $200 today would make things great. You also need rides to work or someone to watch your elderly parent or help moving furniture or roofing your house. Or tell them you and the family have been so depressed that what you need is meals dropped off on a regular basis. Wear them out.
Any form of communication will be used against you.
The best strategy is silence and avoidance.
When confronted, refuse to say anything. Do not tell them your thoughts or feelings about anything related to the bible, religion, the congregation or the organization.
The best thing to do is move at least a few hundred miles away and do not contact the new local congregation.
P.S.
Keep your distance! Don't let them try to get 'folksy' with you. I.E. Brother Mad Sweeney, come now.... we've been friends for XXX amount of years, tell me what's wrong?
MS: I understand we have been friends, and have been through a lot. But I've been feeling depressed lately and am seeing a doctor. I will call you if I need anything else.
Don't fall for it! They are master manipulators. Do the same thing back.
This is what I was afraid of. My situation is kind of beyond the off-putting stage. The wife let some things leak out (don't get me started) and now they want to talk to us both about it. So they've already got SOMEthing (though only one "witness", and only against my wife).
I may be better off just cutting the ties, DAing, and dealing with family as I can. Lots to think about right now.
Thanks for the advice. Please keep it coming..
I won't say you are wrong. You may be better off DA'ing and dealing with family as you can.
BUT, you can still just stop talking to them. NO THANK YOU. That goes a long way if you scream it again and again.
Give it a try and you can DA next week or next month if it doesn't work.
since there is evidently no distinction between a DA or DF
these days, just an announcement that XYZ is no longer
a JW, you can ignore and refuse any arrangements...
you can say "i am not comfortable talking to you"
so even if they ask "why is that?" you can rinse and
repeat....." well as i have just stated, i am not comfortable
talking to you" .... "but i am asking you why?"....
"as i said i am not comfortable talking to you, and cannot
help but wonder what part of that you are not appreciating"
in fact,be sure to say "i am utilizing trained professionals"
lather.rinse.repeat.
I wrote a letter several years ago to the society (cc: boe) that had the unintended consequence of being left alone. At the time I still believed but was having serious doubts. I was married at the time, and our meeting attendance wasn't that good. (I believe i was an irregular pub. at the time. I was constantly hounded as only a couple of years had passed from me resigning as a reg. pioneer and MS. My wife also had the beginnings of some mental health problems.
Anyway, some malicious gossip emerged in the congregation (not even based on a sliver of truth). Finally, an elder used the gossip as truth in giving an example of bad conduct in a talk from the platform, and the dangers of becoming spiritually weak. He did everything but mention me by name. This perpetuated the gossip even more. I confronted the elder with the fact this gossip was not true and he told me "if the shoe fits, wear it." I wanted to know who started the slander to begin with and none of the elders would tell me.
This really upset my wife and I so I wrote the society. This was slander, and it was adversely affecting my wife's health. I outlined that a worldly court displayed more justice than the congregation as there I would at least have the opportunity to face my accusers. I wrote that if a stop wasn't put to this that I was going to have to pursue legal action to protect myself. I said that wasn't the path I wanted to take, that all I really wanted was to just be left alone and for this to go away.
A couple of months later, the society wrote back a two page response. It was mostly filler material. I later found out through another letter that a different letter was sent to the boe. I don't know the contents other than a few elders were "chewed out pretty good", but the result was that all the calls and visits stopped. The elder didn't even call me anymore to see if I had time to turn in. I know I wasn't DA'd because I still have relatives in.
It's been several years now and I've never been contacted since. I attended a couple of memorials after that but never any regular meetings.
Looking back I think it was the threat of legal action that brought everything to a screeching halt. In your case, if you could somehow take the approach that the constant pestering, though perhaps well intentioned, was having adverse affects on your or your wife's health, and (maybe under a physician's advice?) you wanted this all to stop. Mention the possibility of legal action but don't threaten. Leave them an easy way out that doesn't make them look bad and also doesn't force your hand/bluff. In this case, just to be left alone.
I would turn it around on the religion itself by saying, "The pressure this religion puts on a person causes depression. You are never good enough! You are always pushed to do more and I'm just burned out right now." Put blame for the way you are feeling on the religion itself, but don't get into a discussion with them if they try to defend it. Just excuse yourself.
Think About It
