Tiny bit lost

Daft Fader

I am 36 years old and was brought up a Jehovahs Witness by proxy, as in my parents didn't do any of the religion just arranged cabs for us and forced us in to the life style as it was easier controlling us. My eldest sister married outside of the religion after a 'worldly' pretended to accept the religion until he got her away and my middle sister is frankly so damaged that she clings to the religion as her only salvation.

I married in the faith at 24 and my Dad left my mum for a women half his age who having see my wedding talk on my wedding video embraced the faith so completely that my Dad started to make moves to come back into the religion ( he had been a brother for two years before fading) My Mum had a brain hemorrhage aqnd has never fully recovered and three years in my marriage imploded as my husband didn't want the religion or me and cheated on me. At the time I was so completely low that I hadn't had doubts as such I just felt so suffocated by always being told where I was going wrong that I just left, or faded as I have just recently learned.

I have been left for nine years and have a son and living with someone but I can't shake that I am doing wrong. Don't get me wrong I would never go back but I still feel that I haven't fixed myself since I left ,I just ran away.

I had a severve breakdown after I left and have been on and off anti depressants since.

The big question I need to ask is does anyone else feel like this?

I was alway a bit of a rebel and always fought to bend the rules and fight my corner so why when I am in the big wide world do I feel that I am going to be struck down by lightning?

Thats it really, sorry if its a bit down I didn't really know these forums existed until recently

nelly136

firstly its normal to feel that way and when you've been here a whiles you'll see how how many other people have felt that way too, secondly nice to meet you

cameo-d

Welcome to the board, Daft.

You have many brothers and sisters here who know your pain very well.

This is a place to heal.

Cameo-d

Daft Fader

Nice to meet you too! I feel a bit out of my depth with all of this but I do feel I need to address it.

megs

welcome

The Berean

I think it is helpful that you can put your history into words and sentences. That is the first step. The next realization might be that no matter how painful or unique your situation may seem, others have and do suffer likewise, or sometimes more!

Once you understand that you are not alone and that many have overcome various traumas you can focus on contributions you can still make to the world in spite of your past. Each situation is different, yet, to some extent I have been where you are. I got a little better by laughing, crying, and then doing my best to put closure to things from my harmful past. I believe it will help if you consider the posibility that many contributors on this board may have climbed a tall mountain of recovery and now share their story. Hanging with others who have regained mental bouyancy will assist in focusing on the good possibilities which remain. The cards you have been dealt in life are all you have to play. Professional help may show you how to use them to your best advantage. Please help me!

lurk3r

double post more or less

lurk3r

Be proud of yourself Daft. Many people don't make it this far. There will be many thoughts and POV in which you'll be able to relate to. Congrats

leavingwt

Welcome.

besty

welcome to JWN daft fader :-)

when I first set eyes on the forum I was amazed that other people felt the same was as I did - what an eye-opener - stick around as long as you need to and you will meet some great people either in person or virtually - like everywhere there are idiots here too - the cool thing with idiots is that they are self-revealing :-)

anyways keep posting....

Tiny bit lost

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