What's the most insensitive thing you have been told while grieving? (page 7)

factfinder

Thank you Zid! Unfortunatly my JW brother seems to be a wt robot!

My mother died when I was 19 after an extended illness. For the last week of her life she was in the hospital slipping away. I knew she was dying and didn't want her to die alone so I stayed in the hospital 18 hours a day, catching cat naps in the waiting room and being by her side whenever I could. A week after her memorial service, there was a local needs regarding proper conduct in the hospital. We were counseled to dress in meeting clothes when visiting friends and family as that was a good witness to hospital staff. "Recently there have been reports of young people horsing around in the cafeteria and sleeping in areas of the hospital reserved for visiting family." I was so shocked and hurt I didn't really know how to respond. But that was nothing compared to the rumor that went around the congregation that I was happy my mother was dead. Or the other rumor, that she was dead because we didn't take proper care of her.

This is when you ask, "Why the F*#@ did you stay in that religion for another 20 years?" Because I wanted to see my mother again and that was the only way I had been taught I could.

undercover

A family member committed suicide. It was out of the blue. No one caught the warning signs because, well, JWs don't know them. They think everything is so hunky-dory that no one in "Jah's spiritual paradise" would even think of committing suicide. Looking back, the signs were there. We were just too ignorant and caught up in all things JW that we didn't pay any attention to them.

Anyway, after it happened I was calling certain friends (I called them friends back then) to let them know. I called one particular elder that we had started to get on pretty good terms with, he and his wife, about our age. Up till that call, everyone had been sympathetic and said the appropriate things as best they could under the circumstances. When I called this elder, he said with no feeling, "sorry to hear the bad news" but then went on to tell me how this person who committed suicide would have no chance of resurrection. It was quite theh little speech. Almost practiced. I was stunned. Instead of soothing or encouraging words all he could do was spout his dogmatic (and somewhat incorrect) interpretation of JW doctrine? I never told the rest of the family what he said and I didn't give him the funeral info. I didn't want him to show up and run his fat mouth to parents and siblings while they were grieving.

I saw him in a completely different light after that and started to notice what a hard ass he was. Very dogmatic, very strict with his children...and wife. Treated her like a child more than a wife. I curtailed my association with him after that. Didn't consider him a friend after that.

factfinder

Lunatic Faith-

I'm sorry to hear you lost your mom too.

My sister and I also took turns sleeping over at the hospital so my Mom would not be alone. I'm glad you were able to do that and I'm sure your Mom was too.

The hateful rumors you had to endure from the "true christians" in your congregation are horrible.

Yes- they tell us the only way we will see our loved ones again once they die, is to be sure we remain faithful and obedient witnesses.

Since I gave up meetings six years ago my jw brother tells me I will never see my parents again.

ziddina

"Unfortunatly my JW brother seems to be a wt robot!...." [FactFinder]

Yeah, the Watchtower Corporation has done that to millions of people....

Lunatic Faith, I'm sorry to hear about that abysmal idiocy that was spouted at you from the podium... I would hazard a guess that the elders wanted you to pass out magazines in the hallways for a few hours, and then run home and report your time, rather than spend your time in devoted attention to your dying mother.....

[shakes head in disbelief...]

Undercover, I'm sorry to hear about the death of your family member... Another life extinguished whose blood is upon the hands of the Governing Body, who declare that using "medical" and "psychological" aids isn't as effective as praying and putting more time in going door-to-door...

[again, shakes head in disbelief...]

Lunatic Faith

Undercover--that 'elder' was speaking out of hand. Even the WTS doesn't claim to know how god will judge suicides since there are usually extreme emotional issues involved.

I have had a few people tell me how disappointed my parents will be when they are resurrected and I am not there. It pisses me off because I don't believe that shite anymore. I keep wondering if their souls are looking down on me thankful I have left the pack of lies that is the WTS.

3rdgen

There seems to be no end to the heartless remarks. My sympathy to you all. Many many horrible comments were said to my husband about my unbaptized son. He's kept them to himself to spare my feelings.

aquagirl

My dad actually,in the last few years of his life.Several times he told me about how he and his dead brothers and dead mother,all having been resurrected,of course, will sit around in the new world,talking,laughing and enjoying anothers company,and gramma will ask about me,and he will have to tell her that I denied god,and how sad he would be ,even tho it would be wrong to miss me.{I still had time to change!!!}He many times told me this story and how hard it would be for him..How"gramma took care of me as a child,{when I still loved Jehovah}and she wouldnt understand...Gah,I hated that.I loved my dad,and miss him,but do not miss the Jw BS..Nope,Not at all....

Mary

When my youngest brother died years ago, my other brother (who had DA'd himself a few years previously and this was at the time where you were supposed to treat them like a DF'd person, even though they had never been baptized), was naturally, like the rest of us, in shock, grieving and mourning his brother as they had been very close. The night of the visitation, we got a call from the PO who made it clear that my brother "shouldn't be talking to anyone at the funeral" given his status. I was stunned and disgusted beyond words and ended up driving over to the pricks' house and screamed my head off at him for being such an insensative jerk. I will never forget the hurt look on my brother's face.

Then when my b-i-l died a couple of years ago, my sister had put a picture of him up at the front of the Hall. She was told by her asshole PO to take the picture down, as it would draw "too much attention" to my b-i-l and not the fine service that shit-for-brains was about to give.

And they wonder why so many are leaving?

3rdgen

To Mary, Atta girl for telling that bASStard off. Just curious, were you "in" when you did that? Most people don't have the courage while under the control of the cult. Also, as I mentioned before, when a person is in grief/shock these mean comments blindside you. You are not expecting an additional verbal assault/betrayal by anyone much less your spiritual family.

What's the most insensitive thing you have been told while grieving?

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