Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
My wife and I are fortunate to live in a lovely little country cottage Northumberland in northern England. We have two children who have both grown up and left home. Our son is a physical training instructor in the Royal Air Force and our daughter works in the historic city of York.
Were you a born in or a convert?
I was a born-in. My parents became JWs the year before I was born. When my older sister was born they were thinking about going back to church. My dad was playing rugby in Edinburgh with Jack Gladwin who was studying with Ronnie and May Anderson in Corstorphine congregation. Jack arranged for them to call on my parents which led to a study and the rest is history.
Are your parents / family JWs?
My parents are uber-Jws in Coatbridge congregation in the west of Scotland where I grew up. Dad has been an elder since the early 70s and mum is straight out the Stepford Wives. My sister and her husband are also JWs.
How many generations have been JWs?
It started with my parents.
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
I packed in a career in telecommunications to pioneer in Hawick in the Scottish borders and later in Dalkeith near Edinburgh where I was appointed an MS. When I got married we settled in Berwick-upon-Tweed where I was appointed and elder in my mid-twenties.
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Yes totally. I pioneered because I believed the end was very close and it was a life-saving work.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
I got baptised at Hamilton assembly when I was about 14. It was a natural thing to do.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
It was the '95 Watchtower about the generation. It wasn't simply the fact that they had changed the doctrine as much as the cowardly way they did it. I remember as elders it wasn't until we saw the change in the Awake masthead that we were sure what they really meant. I began to research the whole "end times" subject and sent a letter about the parousia to Bethel. They treated me like an enemy so I gave myself permission to keep researching. The whole house of cards fell down.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
Only from the bible and Watchtower publications. I read lots of Russell's and Rutherford's writings and traced the history of doctrines through their own words. I remember spending months surrounded by musty old books.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
It was painful but my wife left at the same time so that made it an easy decision. Having two young children I knew there was no way we could bring them up in a cult.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
It was fairly dramatic. I conducted a wedding, the memorial talk, the special talk and the circuit assembly Watchtower review in my last few months. Then I resigned as an elder. I was talking about my doubts to fellow elders who were at a loss to answer any questions. I began to investigate local churches and became the subject of a marking talk. There was a change in CO, the new guy was an arrogant company man who left the elders instructions to deal with me. Eventually it was my in-laws who gave them the ammo to DF me for apostasy.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
I never really went out my way to try to get others out but it was natural that friends were asking questions and towards the end I began to talk more freely. I think the total would be 4 or 5 adults including an elder plus 4 of their children.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
I kept my wife and children so I have nothing to complain about really. I could weep for some of the experiences of others who lost immediate family
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
I lost my relationship with my parents and sister but there has been some improvement recently. Of course I am shunned by all the JWs but living in a small town baiting them is a constant source of fun. Its that time of year again when I can wish them a Merry Christmas!
How long have you now been out?
17 or 18 years
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Everything.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
I began football (soccer) coaching the same year I left the Watchtower. I started a local club that is now the largest in the area and I helped establish a new youth league that has benefitted many hundreds of children over the past 18 years. I have won numerous awards for coaching and services to the community. I regularly bump into young people who I have worked with in the past who are now adults and having families of their own.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
Nothing - with the possible exception of coffee and hot doughnuts at 8am in Murrayfield satadium
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
Red. No regrets at all.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
I was a born-again Christian for 9 years. I did some voluntary work for Reachout trust visiting churches to educate them about JWs. That led to invitations to preach the gospel and when our pastor left I shared preaching and worship leader at church. My faith was entirely sincere and genuine. The tragic death of a church deacon and father of 4, caused me to seriously question my suppositions. That was soon followed by the Asian Tsunami. I paid close attention to the responses of all the christian apologists and it eventually it dawned on me that faith isn't a virtue after all. I made the change from a faith-based worldview to an evidence-based one and everything fell into place. Losing faith was possibly more painful than leaving the Watchtower.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
I am convinced that religion is primarily a negative force, and I include in that modern ideas of religion-free, personal-spirituality religions. I don't think that all religions are equally harmful. I despise all of Islam with a passion, and I think that theism in general should be held up to relentless scrutiny with reason and evidence. I see religious belief as being identical to everyday superstitions involving ladders and black cats, and worthy of the same amount of respect.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
No not at all. I don't get excited about birthdays but Christmas is great. Family, food, drink, log fires, gifts, sweets, long walks. What's not to like?
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
Not really but that is mostly down to geography. We met up with a lovely couple who post on JWN few months ago, that was good fun.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
Entirely regular people. Mostly people I have met through sport.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
No. If they ask something I don't hide it but it's not something I like to talk about.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
Frustration with the rank and file. Contempt for the leadership.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
Unfortunately they never do.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
I don't think it should be either/or. Well made and reasonable websites and videos all help.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
I like the point that Jgnat makes regularly about trying to talk to their authentic self.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
I used to think the Watchtower would never fall in a big way but now I'm not so convinced. Unless there is something we don't know I doubt it will be soon, but I can see discontent becoming widespread eventually. The Romanian dictator Ceausescu was transformed from frightening tyrant to frightened old man in 10 minutes when 1 person dared to boo at a staged political rally and thousands joined in. He was executed within the week.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
Yes of course.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
If you whisper in my vicinity I may kill you and it will be your own fault. I think it comes from years of being whispered at aggressively as a child during meetings.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
That's easy - a curse. I had sane parents compared to some of the stories here, but there is nothing positive about being a child in the cult.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
Football, reading, walking, natural history, fixing cars, DIY, cooking ...
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
I like to be up to date with any significant changes.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Only posting on JWN
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
A very mixed group. I have very little patience with sensationalist campaigners and the conspiracy theorists. Some ex-JWs are really interesting people who have thought about life's big questions in a way that is quite rare in society in general. Sitting in a pub with real ale chatting to some of the members of JWN - on both sides of the big debate - would be a great way to spend an evening.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
I hope so.
Do you fear the future?
I am concerned it may be too brief.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Don't stay in any longer than necessary. There is never a good time to lose family and friends so get it over with. Maybe they will join you later. Don't DA and don't cooperate at all with the judicial process. Focus on career and education, family, fun, hobbies, new friends. Think about the big questions much later. When you are ready to investigate use your critical thinking skills to try find evidence FOR theism. Listen to the best apologists you can find. Reserve judgement and reject all appeals to your emotions. Then compare the case against. Don't lose your focus on family and fun in the process. If this takes many years you are probably doing it right.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
Say yes to the offer you got from British Telecom to sponsor your degree and don't pack it in to go pioneering.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
Yes. Spending 9 years following a slightly different set of superstitions.
Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"