ITHINKISEE Update: Where we stand now ...

by ithinkisee 17 Replies latest members private

  • ithinkisee
    ithinkisee

    I have received a few PMs on what our status is, so I figured I would enlighten.

    It's been an exciting couple of weeks for both of us. Scary sometimes, sad sometimes, but also lots of happiness and excitement for what is to come. Sometimes we will be cracking jokes about the JWs, and then other times we are paranoid, then other times we are just sad - especially after some of our JW friends come over to visit.

    We continue to talk about a lot of stuff, and I am still stuck in my old habits and tend to still be a little secretive - even though I really don't have any secrets anymore. I'm working on it though.

    I enjoy seeing my wife seem to grow more assertive and more self-confident. I mean, she wasn't lacking in self-confidence at all really - but I guess her self-confidence has changed in some even more positive ways (if that makes sense). She is also so good at research - like a shark at feeding time. Sometimes she will just be relaxing on the couch, and 5 minutes later she has a couple Bible Interlinears out, and a bible and some WT publication. I am so amazed (and happy).

    I have learned that my wife had been doing ALOT of research after finding some of my 607 BC stuff laying around. She had already come to many many conclusions on her own before I even told her how I felt about the JWs. Additionally, with some JW family stress it really made the leap for her a little easier. My wife does have a strong and sincere mind, and she had been reading alot of books about female empowerment - for the last year or so. It turns out the sexist nature of the Society has really bothered her for quite some time.

    There is still a lot of unknowns. In some ways I feel like the "net" is gone. A couple months ago when we were still supposedly a JW family, I knew that being in this religion kept my wife from going anywhere - even if I was turning into a non-communicative reclusive jerk. I know that sounds bad, but it was a nice protection for our family while I was trying to figure out how to approach her with this stuff.

    Now ... all that is gone and we are having to reconstruct a new relationship of trust from scratch. It is kind of scary knowing that we are doing this on our own. I don't really have any plans to go buck wild, and I don't think my wife does either, but it is just the "great unknown" that is scary. I guess like last week's LOST episode .... it is just going to have to be a "leap of faith". I believe my wife still loves me very much, and I love her sooo much too. I feel that combined with honesty and genuineness will go a long way.

    I have showed my wife JWD. I showed her one of Blondie's WT Study articles. I haven't shown her my posts - or even that I have an account on JWD. Mostly that is because there are a couple of things in some entries that I haven't told her yet.

    I may have said this in a previous entry, but she has recently found some of her friends from her teenage years that have "faded" and that has helped her to have someone to talk to. I hope that if she becomes a member of JWD that she can find the same kind of solace here that I did. Maybe?

    Right now our house is up for sale and we are just going to concentrate on that for now. We need to get out of town.

    The bills continue to come in, and the regular stresses of life are still there. There is no real magic pill for that. However, it is so nice that as a couple we don't feel the guilt of not making all the meetings,field service, etc. It makes facing some of the other stuff a little better (in my opinion anyways).

    I don't know if my wife has noticed, but even though I am absolutely disgusted with the Society I still tend to act like a JW husband sometimes. It is just a gradual thing to get out of that kind of attitude I hope. I need to ask her more about that. I would often shirk stuff around the house just because I could I guess. I need to change that.

    All in all things are pretty okay. My wife is already making plans to go to a gym in our new town, and even do (gasp!) yoga.

    I hope to introduce her to this list soon. She can probably clarify a lot of my posts about her. Who knows? I might have been 180-degrees off on alot of my opinions of how she was feeling about things I told her.

    -ithinkisee

  • lazyslob
    lazyslob

    Thanks for the update. It is a true pleasure to read them.

  • Lady Lee
  • poppers
    poppers

    It's always nice to hear how people wake up and see through lies. "but it is just the "great unknown" that is scary." Yes, the unknown is scary, but it carries with it every possibility. Good luck to you both.

  • hubert
    hubert

    Thanks for the update. Keep it coming.

    You are doing an excellent job of counter-witnessing.

    Hubert

  • BrendaCloutier
    BrendaCloutier

    Thank you for the update ITIS. As always, I am so happy for you both! You have been through "hell" and walked out (relatively) unscathed, and together!

  • tetrapod.sapien
    tetrapod.sapien

    hey man, great job! i am glad things went so well for you.

    if you ever get the chance, try picking up Bertrand Russell's essay: "Why I am No Longer a Christian". you should be able to find it at most book stores in the philosophy section for about 16$. he's a logic power-house, so it may help you guys to read about the subject from such an esteemed mind.

    best wishes,

    ts

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Very good to hear! Being unsettled about a role change is natural. You went from awesome undercover Watchtower-slayer to just another husband without a clue. Did you know that some marriages fail after the partner gives up alcohol/violence/cheating? The aggrieved spouse all of a sudden can't play the saint any more. Some partners don't survive the switch.

    This next phase of living will be very exciting for both of you. If you are up to it, the both of you might like working through a marriage exercise book together. Not at all like the Watchtower materials, there are large blank spaces to add your own thoughts. I've done a couple of such exercises with my JW hubby, and I learned a great deal about what he cared about..... and didn't!

    http://www.carycounseling.com/Firstaid/Firstaiddoor.htm (This First Aid diagnostic tool is likely too heavy for your situation, you two seem to be a normal, healthy couple. But it's a pretty cool little checklist)

    http://www.marriagetools.com/index.html This one looks even better. Lots of thought-provoking questions, but no blank spaces!

  • carla
    carla

    I'm so happy for your family! I wish you all the best rebuilding your marriage and family. carla

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    ITHINKISEE,

    Thank you for the update. I've been wondering what's going on with you. When the time is right, we'd love to meet the Mrs! In the meantime, I love hearing how you realize how getting out of the JW husband mentality is something to consider. You deserve better than that. And so does your wife. With the growth we've seen in you the last few months, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before the two of you are running off into the sunset. Thank you for letting us witness your experiences. It's been a true blessing to many of us! It gives us hope.

    ((((((Mrs. ITHINKISEE)))))))

    We have been waiting a long time to meet you and have been looking forward to it! I hope you find solace in the walls of this little home. There are amazing people in this group - most with stories similar to yours. We hope with the love of your husband, that the losses we've experienced, will not be part of your story.

    Welcome!

    Love,

    Andi

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