It's beginning

Sassy

I live away from family and friends so stopping going to meetings the beginning of this year was easy to do without a lot of attention. At first I really didn't stop on purpose. But the more time away, the harder it was to go back and then some other things happened to cause me to do a lot of soul searching. I have put off telling family and friends because it was just easier that way with them living far away. I'm not associating with the congregation so there hasn't even been any action against me (or a phone call to say I was missed). But I know that eventually they (family/friends) will find out. I have been dating a guy from New Jersey over the past few months and he is going to be moving in with me soon. So, "d day" is coming. I told him all about my life, how I was raised and why my upbringing has caused me to make decisions in my life that others would not have. He has been pretty understanding considering the fact that he thinks it is all pretty ludicruis. With him moving in, he reminded me that it is time soon to tell family, that he would prefer they not hear about him when he answers the phone.

So, I told my first JW friend tonight. It didn't, of course, go over very well. This is a friend who I met on the net 5 yrs ago when he was struggling. At the time we became friends and after getting semi close (as close as friends can get w/o ever meeting in person yet) he admitted he had been in trouble and was waiting an answer from a committee meeting. He asked me if we could still be friends, if I would still talk to him if he got dfd. I remember worrying for him while he waited for the decision and turned out he was only reproved. He has been in near trouble on and off through the years I have known him. Our friendship has hung in there over time and we have met on several occasions in person and stayed very close although this past year we have lost more touch with each other. He came online tonight and we talked for the first time in months and I broke the news to him. I thought he was a good first step. He didn't take it well at all. As a matter of fact he is pissed at me and told me after he laid a huge guilt trip on me and twisted a knife in me with a few cutting remarks and then left to help his daughter with homework. So I sit here sort of wanting to cry and sort of numb and mostly realizing this was the easy one. This was the one that said he was pissed but that he will always be my friend no matter what.

I sure am not looking forward to that call to the family.

Odrade

((( sns ))) I suspect your bf doesn't understand just how traumatic that call will be, but we do. Let us know what happens.

Odrade

mizpah

sns:

Just be aware that a "reformed" JW can be more judgmental than one who has not experienced any difficulties. Somehow he thinks that he can make up for his own shortcomings by being severe with others. I've seen this happen more than once.

I would be more attentive to what God thinks of me rather than people in an organization. Because we no longer associate with the Watchtower Society, we still should try to please God by living a clean and moral life. His standards remain. Sadly, too many people have left God upon leaving the organization. I guess they have always equated the two. But the fact is that just as God disapproves of the cruel policies of the Watchtower Society, He also disapproves of those that break his principles and laws.

Odrade

Hmmm, I wonder if my god has the exact same rules and principles as your god? Nah.

Sassy

Yes, Odrade, I think you are correct in that my bf does not really understand. He is trying. At least he is patient with me and listens. He will be there for me through all of this.

I know what you mean about the "reformed JW" mizpah. Although this friend isn't exactly reformed. He is just trying harder right now to do what he thinks is right. He's struggling and it isn't just me that gave him this news recently. Three other friends just this week have told him the same thing about giving up and his dad is going through some doubts as well. I think he kind of took it out on me because the frustration of it all was getting to him. And to be honest, years ago when he was messing up and planning to leave, I was mad at him. So ironic that it was me that made a choice to let it go instead of him.

I have not given up on God at all. I just have been raised all my life that there is only one way to worship him and I need to find out for myself how I believe by my own soul searching and reading of the bible, not because I was told it was the only way and point blank I am not allowed to look elsewhere. I have to find my way and what I believe.

My friend told me I was chicken and running away, giving up. But really this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It has taken perhaps more strength than anything else I have ever done.

Satanus

Hi sns

this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It has taken perhaps more strength than anything else I have ever done.

I can understand that. You're taking a big step that goes against perhaps yrs of programing.

He has been pretty understanding considering the fact that he thinks it is all pretty ludicruis.

It's practically impossible for those who haven't experienced a religion like the wt to understand it's affects on people. Is he your first serious boyfriend?

Btw, is there a subconscious meaning in your nickname? Wishing you all the best in your new beginning,

SS

Sassy

First serious non JW boyfriend. I've had other JW boyfriends as well as was married to a JW before. Ironic that this non JW man treats me better than any "brother"ever has.

The initials were defined in my welcome thread. It is just a portion of a screen name I had used for a short while in yahoo chat. The rest of the screen name that no longer is attached said more. It wasn't subconscious at all, but direct.

ESTEE

(((((sns)))))

You might want to enlist the help of a therapist who understands the "cult" mentality and who would coach you and support you and your boyfriend through the trauma of leaving. 'Cuz it takes time to work through all the baggage. And perhaps try to deal with it a little at a time, rather than "dump" the news all at once on your family.

Sounds like your "friend" who was "reprovedTM" might "squeal" on you ... you know ...save you by snatching you outta the fire ...? (Seems I read that somewhere ...)

In my opinion, fading quietly and uneventfully is the way to go.

Vent here as often as you need, honey. We are here for you.

(((((You are loved!)))))

ESTEE

Sassy

When I left my ex husband the "JW" who is now dfd, I sought a therapist and I was concerned that I wouldn't complain about aspects of my life as JW that might offend her against the faith. I was more worried about that than getting help for myself and surviving the trauma of a failed abusive marriage.

I think over time I will be ok with this without a therapist. I just am not looking forward to the stress ahead. I'll be glad that I have a shoulder to lean on at home and it helps to have one here too.

I am thinking my friend won't squeal cong wise, however, he knows my closest friend back home and I am concerned he will touch base with her thinking she can talk some sense into me. Now I am not in a hurry for her to get the news. It will not be pretty.

Satanus

No problemo. My amateur analytics missed your other thread. Welcome, and happy motoring to you and yours

SS

It's beginning

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