RU long time DFed? What would you want to hear from "awakened" JW sibling?

Open mind

I'm an active dub, mentally out, with a loyal dub wife and kids that I'm methodically working on. I have a long-time DFed sibling that I haven't spoken to since they got the axe many years ago. I've come close to calling this person many times over the last several months, but haven't yet. BTW, there's no way in hell this person is ever coming back to "da troof".

On a selfish note, I am a little concerned that the sibling might let something slip in conversation with my dub parents that could then bring a whole bunch of sh*t down on my head and blow my chances of slowly working on my family. But, caution be damned, I'm going to call this person.

Of everything about this sick, twisted, f*cked up religion that I could rail against, I think I personally feel the worst about what I have done (or haven't done) to my sibling. It truly rips my guts out and I'm definitely going to make the phone call.

So...............What would you want to hear from a sibling that went along with the Borg for many years and never once talked to you out of a stupid, misplaced loyalty? Just as important, what would you NOT want to hear?

Tearfully yours,

Open Mind

Open mind

Hello again,

Even if you've never been DFed I'd still appreciate your thoughts on this matter.

Thanks,

Open Mind

Dismembered

Call him/her up. It's the decent thing to do. There's nothing wrong in finding out how a family member is doing. He/she will be happy to hear from you.

Dismembered

Crumpet

On a selfish note, I am a little concerned that the sibling might let something slip in conversation with my dub parents that could then bring a whole bunch of sh*t down on my head and blow my chances of slowly working on my family. But, caution be damned, I'm going to call this person.

Hang on so your parents are committing a DFing offense by communicating with your DFed sibling anyway so if the above did happen they would have to admit to having talked to a dfed person and then they would be dfed themselves.

Call them now!

nvrgnbk

" I love you and I'm sorry. I was asleep, but now I've woken up. It would mean so much to me to resume our relationship. I understand any resentment you may feel towards me. Please give me the opportunity to demonstrate the sincerity of my feelings."

I think something like that should break the ice.

Tearfully,

Nvr

Isn't unconditional love the best, Open Mind? I love you brother and wish you the best with this.

mouthy

If I would just HEAR my JW's daughters voice ....I would say. I LOVE YOU ....& I am sorry for making you believe what I believed .!!!!If you never want to talk to me again I want you to know I really love you. & I am sorry.....Though yours is the other way around....

BFD

What Nvr said is as close to perfect as you can get. I would love it if I could hear those words from my mom.

BFD

Open mind

Crumpet said:

Hang on so your parents are committing a DFing offense by communicating with your DFed sibling anyway so if the above did happen they would have to admit to having talked to a dfed person and then they would be dfed themselves.

According to the ever-enlarging dub Talmud, the only communication we're supposed to have (unless we're talking about minors, or extreme cases of dire physical need, handicap, etc.) is for "necessary family business". Well my Mom jumps on every conceivable shred of "family business" like a starving person and uses it to make contact when she can. She gets raked over the coals by my Dad and other ultra-dub relatives for communicating as much as she does. It's a given in my gestapo family that Mom takes care of every bit of "necessary family business" and there's no need for any of the rest of us to make contact. Any large, life-changing news like weddings, deaths, births, serious illness, etc are all snapped up by Mom and all relatives know it. If it came out that I called the "forbidden one" eyebrows would definitely be raised in my family.

Bottom line: I don't care & like I said, I'm still gonna make the call.

Nvr said:

" I love you and I'm sorry. I was asleep, but now I've woken up. It would mean so much to me to resume our relationship. I understand any resentment you may feel towards me. Please give me the opportunity to demonstrate the sincerity of my feelings."

Beautifully stated Nvr. Thank you. That's the gist of what I've replayed in my mind over and over, and now here's the (possible) rub. You said, "give me the opportunity to demonstrate the sincerity of my feelings." If I talk to my sibling right now, my sincerity may be seriously suspect because I'm not ready to throw my arms wide open yet. I'll be glad to pour my heart out, but I also have to say that I've got to maintain this heartless, cruel charade as long as I'm still working on my family.

Would you buy that? Or would you say, "Come back when you're ready to welcome me with no strings, stigmas, or stupid game-playing attached."

I could easily understand someone feeling that way. So, do I wait for, possibly more years, or make the call now? My heart says, call now, and I'm going to. I just feel horrible about maintaining the charade. But, I'm not willing to throw in the towel on my immediate family over this either. If I blow it all up right now, I doubt that I would succeed.

Any suggestions on how to word the "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, but, BTW, gotta keep playing this stupid game for now" portion of the conversation?

Open Mind

Madame Quixote

I'd love to hear,"Hey. How are you?" and "Can we talk?"

Madame Quixote

Any suggestions on how to word the "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, but, BTW, gotta keep playing this stupid game for now" portion of the conversation?
Open Mind

"As you know from our long estrangement because of family's JW beliefs and practices, I am trapped and want to get my family out so that we can have a normal relationship with you and the others who might eventually be persuaded to leave. Could you maintain the secret of my defection until I am ready to reveal it? Do you care about the possibility of working strategically together to reach the others who are also trapped? I know it's a facade, but I can't tear my family apart over this and I want to make it all up to you . . . I don't know what to do . . . I am so sorry for all of your pain . . . I don't want to cause any more for you or for any of my loved ones. . . I respect your wishes and needs if you cannot be a part of this, but if you can, I would be forever in your debt as a brother, not just a "Brother."

RU long time DFed? What would you want to hear from "awakened" JW sibling?

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