Do I need therapy??

dinah

Most of you have probably noticed I'm kinda new here. Seems like reading some of these posts have opened some old wounds. We all know if you pick at scabs they will bleed.

I was raised in the truth with a devout mother and a "worldly" father. Never realized the mechanics of it until I had been out for some while. Actually it was only about 4 years ago that it struck home what a crock it all was. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. My faith in Jehovah (yes, I still call Him that even if it is translated incorrectly) has survived. My faith in Jesus has been kicked up several notches.

My problem is dealing with feeling of anger and worthlessness. Anger from wasting my whole life so far. I had a 3.80 gpa in high school, graduated in the top 10 of my class. I was smart, just didn't think I would live this long, so why bother?? Hence comes the worthlessness. Believe me I'm not materialistic, but neither do I want to be broke all the damn time. To quote Marlon Brando "I coulda been a contender". I coulda been something.

I know y'all are saying go out there and get education, it's not too late. But my entire back is fused and it has really started to bother me in the last couple of years. (Scoliosis--but at least the "no blood" policy helped me find the best surgeon in the country.)

Maybe what bothers me is my most vital years were spent either in the WT or pinging because of being df'd. I went seriously crazy. It's only God's grace (read....Christ) that I can even be alive. Me and a little Daytona Turbo Z seemed to have a date with DEATH. (oh and don't forget the Budweiser--a drunk and a fast car are a dangerous combination).

Anyhoo, I look forward to getting to know you guys, I may know some of you already from other places on this journey. I still frequent Pathways because I have made what I feel to be lifelong friends who understand my pinging. Also some of you may know me from Cynthia's yahoo group, I'm the one who got banned for calling George Bush a bastard. I know that was not a loving thing to do, but......... I have issues.

LDH

I had a 3.80 gpa in high school, graduated in the top 10 of my class. I was smart, just didn't think I would live this long, so why bother??

Welcome to the club, sis. Be glad you made it out alive. 37 is plenty of time to accomplish some of your dreams. Trust me, I'm doing it. And I wasted 3 years as a Regular Pioneer!

Lisa

Scully

Welcome to JWD!

First of all, if you think you need therapy, then why not check into it?

This can be a wonderful support group of sorts, but in many ways it cannot take the place of professional therapy, if that is what you are looking for. You will find a lot of people here who can empathise and sympathise with what you've been through. We can talk about what helped us cope with our life altering decisions to leave a cult, and maybe that can give you some ideas of things you can try, and it can definitely help you realize that there is hope and potential ahead.

It's natural to grieve the loss of a belief system. Children go through the stages of grief when they realize that Santa Claus isn't real anymore, and so do JWs when they realize that the WTS was just a crock of crap. It's normal to feel like we're the biggest idiots on the planet for believing all of it, and going door-to-door preaching it, and feeling like we were worthless because we were never good enough for Jehovah.

The good news is that it gets better. Once you realize that you have your whole life ahead of you, you can appreciate that you have been given a second chance. Aren't you soooooo glad that you figured this out in your 30s.... because what if you'd not figured it out for another 30 or 40 years (like our parents, maybe?) and were stuck with your thumb up your butt waiting for Armageddon, but had no pension, no means of looking after yourself in your "golden years", and had nothing to fall back on?

I'm not saying that it's all a cake walk. Going back to school as a "mature" student is something I don't regret in the least, but in retrospect, I seriously don't know how I did it. I've got a great job now... I absolutely love what I do. I love that I have a student loan to pay back.. REALLY!!! and I love that I have a car payment and a mortgage and a pension plan. Those things were things I could never have hoped for 12 years ago when I was still a JW. Armageddon™ was Just Around The Corner™ back then, and the JWs slammed me at every opportunity they could for my "foolishness". But look at me now!! Armageddon™ is still Just Around The Corner™, and every JW we used to know is stagnating, exactly where they were 12 years ago, still struggling to pay the rent, still working in dead end jobs like cleaning and driving school buses, still living hand to mouth because they don't think they need to plan ahead.

What could it hurt to try to do something you've always wanted to do with your life, but felt it would be a waste of time because Armageddon™ was Just Around The Corner™? Take some courses. Get some skills. Employers are looking for people who recognize their own potential and are what they call "life long learners". Anything you do will win you brownie points on your résumé.

If you still think you need therapy, by all means, go for it. But, in all honesty, I think what you're going through is part of the normal course of events for people who have extracted themselves from a high control group like the JWs.

AlmostAtheist

My problem is dealing with feeling of anger and worthlessness. Anger from wasting my whole life so far.

This is a problem that isn't unique to JW's. There are people I went to high school with that chose not to go to college because they just wanted to work on the farm, or help in their dad's garage, or whatever. Now they're our age and wondering what the hell they're going to do with the rest of their lives.

At least you and I have a pseudo-excuse for skipping an education -- what's theirs?!?

It seems to me that having a chunk of our lives robbed from us in a way gives us an appreciation for what we have left that others might not ever have. Like a guy that starts with nothing and becomes a millionaire. He's likely to appreciate it more than a guy that's never had to explain why his rent's two months past due.

It's easy to say, 'It's never too late!" But really, consider what you believe is holding you back. Is it truly insurmountable?

Dave

dinah

I can honestly say I am happy to just be alive! And blessed to be able to finally think for myself. What makes me so mad is the wasted time. The things I have learned have been a big help. To know I'm not the only one is so comforting. Sometimes I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Where is Armageddon when you REALLY need it. Actually I feel safe from all the carnage. I"m sure I'll be long in my grave after living about 100 years.

darkuncle29

Yes Poppet, it does hurt.

To quote Marlon Brando "I coulda been a contender". I coulda been something.

I can SO relate with you here, I mean, I could have been a go-go boy; now I have to be content with being a 30+ guy who is on his way to becoming a Daddy.

Ok, all teasing aside, this is the reality that we have woken up to. Can you imagine if you'd stuck with it longer, say till 50? 60? I'm with you thought, intillectually I can work it through, but emotionally I am stuck in stasis.

FaithfulDoubter

Despite what the JWs claim about therapists being evil godless people, I've yet to really have one of them work against my moral fiber so to speak. And they all generally seem to be caring people. Therapy can provide a place to air grievences, and discuss things you normally wouldn't with other people. It also gives you an understanding ear of someone that will listen, even if they are being paid to do it. There is evidence that therapy can actually have a physical effect on the brain.

If you can't afford a therapist and are feeling really down, there are always support lines and networks to call.

BizzyBee

Dinah, Yup, the anger is rightfully there. I am 20 years older than you and first went to college when I was 23, but by then or soon after I had children and responsibilities that made it difficult. If I were your age, I would definitely explore college, etc. One thing for sure: spending too much time being angry is just letting them have more of your precious time. Get on with life...........seriously!

Sparkplug

I would definitely explore college, etc. One thing for sure: spending too much time being angry is just letting them have more of your precious time. Get on with life...........seriously

I could not have said it better! I am 35 and this summer and I will be the proud recipient of a bachelor degree. Of course it is really trying with three kids to raise and two jobs...but well worth it. (Even for the feeling of accomplishment) Go for it!!

KW13

After the time you gave to 'The Truth' you will still wonder at times about it, and also be upset...you really believed it and it was a lie.

There is nothing wrong with counselling sessions or anything similar, professionals who are qualified with your MIND...you aren't odd or bad for needing this, i had sessions of it myself and without it i doubt i would be here!

Good luck and i would advise coming here, the people are very friendly if not honest.

Do I need therapy??

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