Returning Evil for Evil; The Legacy of Abuse

by Swan 9 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  Swan

  When I was growing up I was told that as Jesus' followers, we should return evil for evil to no one. It occurred to me today that even though that was what the JWs preached, in reality a much different lesson was taught. Often when I did something that was wrong, I got paddled. This was common among Jehovah's Witnesses. If your children were "evil" then you should respond with corporal punishment. They believed that was showing love for their child. What the Bible said about the rod of discipline, was quoted in a variety of verses. This was interpreted as literal punishment with a stick or a belt.

  So basically, when your children were evil, you should show them evil in kind by beating them.

  Jesus' own words about letting the little children come to him are lost in the cycle of abuse and fear of the angry parent. Jesus' words about returning evil for evil and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you fall by the wayside. JW parents believe the words of the apostle Paul and the proverb writers to be more important than what Jesus said.

  The evidence is in. Modern medical studies have proven that there are far more effective means of discipline than beatings. The American Pediatric Association does not endorse physical abuse as an acceptable method of correction. But my own parents, and many other JW parents, ridiculed the theories of Dr. Spock when I was a child, saying Jehovah knows better. They continued the beatings, but it hurt them more than it did me. That's what they told me. Ironically, we talked about that in therapy today.

  We also discussed that if God is as smart as he is, then did he really write that stuff about the rod in the Bible? God is a very scientific being, all powerful and all knowing. Didn't he know back then what such punishment would do to small children? There are two answers that I can see. Either there is no God, or the Bible really isn't his book at all and the verses about the rod just were reflecting popular wisdom of those ignorant times.

  I'm not a Christian, but I think many of the words of Jesus are very profound for his time. The rest of the Bible seems to be myth and allegory, and maybe even the DTs in the case of John's Revelation. The Apostle Paul had serious mental problems. But the words of Jesus were pretty good. Don't judge others. Do good things for others. Think of the other person. Do what you can to help people. I'm not saying I agree with everything he said, but a lot of it was very profound.

  Rather than follow these teachings, the JWs think it is more important that this cycle of violence must continue. Regardless of their pacifistic refusal to bear arms in war, they roll up their sleeves and bare their arms as they take up the belt, the stick, or the paddle. What is their legacy?

  NUMEROUS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE LAWSUITS! They are reaping what they have sown. Their tolerance for this abuse has taken them down a slippery slope to the bottom of a pit. In their religion it is acceptable to physically and verbally abuse your child. It is acceptable for a man to physically or verbally abuse his wife. If the wife tries to leave the husband, she is seen as not being submissive. Divorce is never acceptable unless adultery has been committed. So many JW women stay in an abusive marriage. The elders are allowed to abuse the sheep in their care with impunity. Any deviation from the pages of the Watchtower and the words of a dozen or so old men in Brooklyn, New York, brings the swiftest and most severe spiritual abuse.

  Is it any wonder then, that children have been and continue to be molested in the JW faith? They are certainly in the right place for it. They are at the bottom of the totem pole in the JW hierarchy. Whenever a victim speaks out, they are abused again by archaic policies set up to encourage that the victimization will continue. Are these cases of child molestation and cover-up an isolated phenomenon? I don't think so. It is just another manifestation of the various kinds of abuse they have tolerated and encouraged for years.

  Tammy
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  bebu

  Modern medical studies have proven that there are far more effective means of discipline than beatings.

  But isn't discipline, whether a "rod" or grounding or withdrawal of reward, another way of returning evil for evil? My son always tries to convince me of this when he gets disciplined (grounding and getting lots of new chores are the best methods for him). He doesn't see being grounded as a return of good for evil, though he's not spanked.

  Regardless of their pacifistic refusal to bear arms in war, they roll up their sleeves and bare their arms as they take up the belt, the stick, or the paddle. What is their legacy?

  Yes. Veeerrry interesting. I'd expect that pacifism to the extent that the JWs wish to promote it in society should be reflected back in their family life as well.

  bebu
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  Swan

  Bebu,

  That's a good point. I wasn't refering to discipline as punishment in that sense. Perhaps I should have used the word "training" instead.

  There is a lot of research that shows that positive rewards for positive behavior is a much better way to train animals than responses to negative behavior. I've only seen Shamu once, but it really seems to work. What his trainers do to discourage negative behavior is ignore him and withhold the reward.

  This also works well with chimps, and since the genetic evidence seems to indicate they are close cousins, it wouldn't be much of a stretch for me to believe it would work for human children as well.

  "Got your homework done, Junior? Here, have a banana."

  Tammy
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  bebu

  Bananas?? Too funny!! My boys want high-tech bananas...

  Training with positive reinforcements is the most successful for the long term than negative, but usually together they are quite effective. Holding back a banana works quite well in some situations and some kids more than others. Making a kid pick up all the banana peels is another good one.

  I think that "evil" usually implies that one does not care about the well-being of another. A lack of love, if you will. Discipline that is meted out as a cathartic exercise for a parent is not love. Punishment is often given when a parent is angry, but what is behind that anger? Punishment that stems from a parent's fear of being looked down upon/criticized by peers is not love, but self-centeredness.

  I think children usually understand what is really motivating their parent(s) over time. Parents can reinforce their value, or give them great fear and doubt about it. And the abuse cycle will naturally continue as a result, and I think you can imagine why.

  I tend to feel that the most important question I've had to answer is in regard to my motivation. I think self-examination and introspection are very important, because if I am not aware of my selfish motivations and all their disguises, then chances are that I will always rationalize whatever I do, good or bad. I've come to see God as an ally in this process, and a model of patience to follow.

  Though I feel there are certainly areas of "discipline" I would classify as abuse, I think that if more parents laid aside fear (of failure, criticism, etc.) and self-preoccupation, then they would be more free to answer the question, "how do I show love in the best way to my child in this instance?" with every positive and good motive. Abuse would fade faster than if a multitude of various laws were passed.

  bebu

  (munching a banana now)
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  Nosferatu

  We also discussed that if God is as smart as he is, then did he really write that stuff about the rod in the Bible?

  I'm guessing that something may have been lost in the translation. It's called "The Rod of Disipline". It's not a literal rod, but disipline being a tool to raise children. Unfortunately, this tool turned literal for me, being wooden spoons, coat hangers, etc. As usual, the Society gets the message, but interprets it incorrectly. Remember that Kingdom Melody "Children - Precious Gifts from God"?

  When you get a combination of the rod, obey thy mother & father, Armageddon, Christian Duty and a Parent with an evil temper, you get abuse.
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  czarofmischief

  I got beat, didn't keep me in the troof!

  Now I have an aversion to physical punishment. Can't imagine ever hitting a kid.

  Maybe... Grounding. Yelling. Maybe giving them a random kick when they're in front of the TV. Setting fire to their possessions that they've left on the floor one too many times.

  Beating is so unimaginative. Boiling their stuffed animals accomplishes the same thing - traumatizing them into good behavior without leaving any scars to explain to the judge.

  CZAR
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  Swan

  Bebu,

  I wish you had been my mom.

  Tammy
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  willyloman

  Wow, Tammy (swan), brilliant post!

  It points to something that's always puzzled me. JWs have specific doctrine about child-rearing (spare rod, spoil child). At one time, society as a whole shared that view. Now, however, society has moved away from corporal punishment because of scientific psychological studies that show much harm can be done to small children when they are physically punished. In the popular culture, spanking your children is now viewed as uninformed at best, barbaric at worst. Ironically, most JWs parents I know have adopted the world view, at least to some extent. There's no data to prove it, but anecdotally I know a lot fewer JW parents are spanking their kids now. They've been influenced by popular culture (like the Oprah show and Dr. Phil and countless popular magazines).

  The result of all this is a slow but steady change in doctrine within the JW society, wherein the rank and file are moving ahead of the organizational leadership in adopting new and different standards. I am not suggesting this will happen with all doctrine; I'm just making an observation.
• 

  bebu

  Thanks, Swan.

  I'm so very sorry that your parents failed to convince you that you were dearly loved. Most parents fail bigtime at one point or another...

  Love has so many facets to it... there is always a new way to express it.

  My mom was very authoritarian (she lost her mom when she was 5, and had a distant father), and seemed to pick on one of my head-strong sisters especially. It did a lot of damage to my sister's sense of self-worth. Mom spanked us, often with a spatula, when we were in elementary school; she used some very effective humiliation techniques when we were older... However, there was one thing my mom did right: she drilled into us from an early age that we were to forgive everyone/anyone who hurt us, no matter how hard it was. We grew up constantly forgiving each other--and mom especially! It was so hard. But my entire family's scars are all long healed over now, with no bitterness or anger, a real miracle. "Love covers a multitude of sins" is really true.

  Love,

  bebu
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  RubaDub

  Beating is so unimaginative. Boiling their stuffed animals accomplishes the same thing

  Czar ... good point.

  You could also stick a piece of meat inside the the animal and microwave it.

  Tell the child that he or she can't take it out untill it smells done.

  ***** Rub a Dub