Part 8: The Defining Moment - a visit with Ray Franz
By the end of May 1992, I made it my single determination to never go back to the JWs or the Kingdom Hall ... ever again ... and on May 30th I made this known to God. I asked Jesus to help me be just a Christian, and no more religion in my life. I told God that though I might attend some church sometime, I never wanted to be a member again of any religious body. I just wanted to enjoy Christian living and fellowship with those that we could mutually build one another up ... but beyond that, I never wanted anything more in my life. Well, as with any commitment to anyone, God included, things did not go exactly as planned, as you will see later on.
Something unexpected in June 1992: I am asked by some colleagues to accompany them on a Vendor Audit to Huntsville, Alabama. They needed someone from my department to provide engineering support. Like the "map" fanatic that I am (I do really well with Trivia when it comes to geography) ... I look at a detailed map of Alabama. Not too far south of Huntsville is Gadsden, Alabama. Gadsden? Why that is where Ray Franz was Disfellowshipped. Ray Franz, why he may live somewhere around there. I did not know at the time exactly where he lived. I just wrote to him at Commentary Press. Since my trip was not until the end of June or possibly early July, then I shot off a letter to Ray Franz. This was now about my third or fourth letter to him.
I make a call to Ray Franz: I was able to obtain his phone number, but he asked me to not divulge his personal residence phone. So, all I can say is that I was able to get him at home. When he answered, I told him who I was, and that I just sent off a letter ... but I wanted to talk to him to see if he might be available on the weekend I was there. He said yes, and that he would love to meet with me. I asked if he had any hotel/motel recommendations near his home so that I could arrange for a room in advance. Ray would not hear of it, and asked me to stay at his home for the weekend with he and his wife. I was surprised that he would invite me to stay there ... not that I am a bad guy ... but other than a few letter exchanges, we really did not know one another. I felt that I likely knew him better because of reading his books. After the phone call, I felt goose bumps. I am going to get to personally meet the Chief Apostate in all the Earth. Wow! Just a a few weeks ago I was giving the Memorial talk and now look at me, I am really going far afield.
I called some ex-JW friends. They still thought I was a JW. So they were reluctant to talk. I figured now that I have talked with Ray, why not start reestablishing some old friendships. At first, my friends were hesitant to commit to meet with me. But, when I opened up about my resigning and walking away from the Organization, they warmed right up. They feared at first that I was going to give a Pep talk. We discussed my upcoming visits with Ray Franz, and so I wrote down some questions they wanted answered. I mailed them a copy of Crisis of Conscience and In Search. Even though they were no longer practicing JWs, they had not read anything like Ray’s books. This was so very nice to renew ties again.
The Plane Trip – What a Moment!: As always, I got seated and comfortable. But this time, there was no pulling out the Watchtower to read. No, I was going on yet another excursion deeper into the Void of ex-JW life.
I looked around, as I often do while others get seated. In the past, if I thought about being a JW, then I might wonder of anyone I see is also a JW. I might think about the plane and if it crashes then these poor "Worldly” people would at least be resurrected into a Paradise Earth. Other than that, I might find myself pitying them because they did not know the “Truth” or know Jehovah. This time was different.
Instead, some new feelings started coming over me. These are not “Worldly” people. I don’t know them, and I can’t judge any of them. I saw young mothers with babies, business men in suits, older couples traveling to see relatives or go on vacation. These all started looking like good normal people ... and who was I to ever pity them ... they are humans on the planet earth like everyone else ... I am no better than anyone else. No, these are simply my fellow humans ... and we are all in some way brothers and sisters.
The wall of separation between JWs and the rest of humanity was falling down right before my eyes!!! It was like I had been in space for a quarter century, all alone except with a few isolated travelers ... and now, I had landed back on earth, my home with humanity. I even enjoyed the slight fragrance of jet fuel and stale cabin odors. God!, I am YOUNG again! I have my life back! I am HOME!!!
The business in Huntsville went well. In fact, it was one of my better trips. I had even felt free to have lunch with the boys ... and they took me to Hooters ... never been there before. Well, you know ... sometimes you can’t control everything. I did not find Hooters a bad influence ... no, it was just fun. I could have fun for once and not fear falling out of the "Truth." I even toasted beers with these men ... never did that before. And one of them did not drink because he was driving. I mean, other than a few little eccentrics ... these men were good guys, and acted responsible.
Driving to Ray Franz home: It was early morning, and I had a long drive. I got ready, checked out of my room, and drove for several hours. I passed through Gadsden, Alabama. I stopped for a brief sandwich, and thought about how historic this town is to me ... though, for most, they would not understand the significance. But to me, a modern legend was religiously defrocked here ... and his writings became the gate key to my liberty.
I left Gadsden, and drove on for several hours. I got to Ray’s house in the early afternoon. It was not quite what I expected, but it was a very nice home set in trees with some land. Suddenly, while driving up his driveway, I got the chills ... is this what I am really doing? Am I really an ex-JW now, and about to associate, eat with, and stay at the home of this man? Yes ... full steam ahead ... no time for second thoughts now.
As I went up to knock on the door, it opened: A slender senior man opened the door ... he was somewhat shorter than me ... and he said, Amazing? I said yes. He said welcome! As I started to step inside, I noticed a lady on the stairs descending from the loft level ... Ray said, “I would like you to meet my first wife.” I stopped, and then realized what he said, and we all laughed. He explained his little joke because of rumors that circulated since he left the JWs. Then, I went in, and the discussions began.
We had a late lunch right away. Then Ray took me on a tour of his property. He seemed in very good shape for a person nearing 70 years of age (in 1992). We walked a path cut through his property and eventually lead through his blackberry patches ... we picked and ate the berries. During this time we mostly discussed my trip to the South, my business in Alabama, and some of my history as a JW. The entire outdoor tour covered about what seemed like 3 or 4 acres.
Then we took a tour of his house, in particular his library and office area. All this time I was wondering if I was really doing what I was doing ... or that maybe I would wake up and find myself sleeping at a meeting in the Kingdom Hall. I have a fairly extensive personal library, but compared to Ray’s, mine is about 1/5th the size. We looked at and discussed a number of books I glanced at many books and could only dream of having such a library.
Ray’s office is a separate area. He has his computer and all his files for writing and many other things. We did not go through any files, but did discuss some items that I cannot relate here. I can only say that anything Ray publishes is backed up by documentation. We then got into a good discussion of the book The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. I eventually bought this book and added it to my library. We continued on sharing various experiences about our history as JWs, and our exit process.
Why did I visit Ray I was not there to conduct a probe via Vulcan Mind-Meld to get more information to validate my decision to leave the JWs. That decision was made and being carried out. I did not need that kind of communication. I did not seek answers to the Trinity, voting, holding public office, celebrating Christmas or Birthdays. What Ray did in Crisis and In Search was help us get away from looking to someone else for guidance in our walk through life – at least not to mortgage ourselves to a religious system. Any wisdom or guidance we receive is good, but should always be governed by our own personal choice and conscience for final approval.
My primary purpose was to meet the man whose books were almost single-handedly responsible for me making a full paradigm shift away from my 25 years with Jehovah’s Witnesses. I had to meet this man in person, if to do nothing more than face to face say Thank You, Ray Franz. Thank you for telling the truth, revealing what had to be said, and do it in a way that helped me find some genuine liberty and peace of mind. He is a modest man and shy about receiving compliments. But, even if he felt uncomfortable, I had to have him hear me say thanks.
Dinner: In the evening, we enjoyed a very nice dinner that Ray’s wife prepared. I could see that they had a really great relationship. We set up a table in the living room so we could see the TV. As much fun as we had talking all afternoon, Ray seemed fixated on the news. We had some wine with dinner and just relaxed and other than the TV not a whole lot was said.
I thought back on how Ray writes, and while his books were excellent, his style is conveyed a sense of formality. His letters to me were kind, but still carried the same type of formal treatment. On the phone, he is a lot like some people who are brief and to the point, seeming not to find the phone as a way to have relaxed conversation. Ray seemed dry on the phone. But, in person, he was relaxed, fun, full of humor, happy, interesting, and while a good talker, he is also a good listener, making you feel important. He and his wife treated me like I was very special. The personal visit taught me how much is lost in the written word alone about the people we communicate with ... and I was very happy that I had this opportunity to meet them in person.
Sunday Bible Meeting: Several local ex-JWs arrived for a Sunday morning breakfast followed by reading a part of the Bible and discussing it. Some of these folks had become members of traditional churches, some adopting the Trinity, and some not. But they were all good people and enjoyable to be around. They brought up topics that Ray did not perfectly agree on, nor they with him, but the conversation was relaxed, friendly, open, and free of suspicion or personal attack.
After the Bible reading, we all visited a while longer. I learned that the Bible discussion was held at different homes, and that there was no centering on Ray Franz. He was just one of the people there with no authority, no dogma, no control. He and his wife mutually respected everyone else as equals.
The last two days passed like minutes ... and it was time to part. Before getting in my car, I thanked Ray for his books and the courage to write them. He was visibly not comfortable with compliments. He still graciously accepted my comments, shook my hand, and asked me to stay in touch.
How do you thank someone who gives you your life back?: Many who have read Ray’s books were released from a spiritual form of false imprisonment ... locked in a religious prison not fully aware that we had every right to leave. Ray Franz handed us the Key to the Jail House Door wiht his books. He asked nothing in return. He did not form any organization and does not seek followers, or move people to follow his views. He non-judgmentally accepts where everyone is at in their lives, whether they remain JWs or leave and go off in one of a myriad of paths.
My personal opinion is that anyone who has ever read his books and were released form the "Religious Gray-Bar Hotel" called the Watch Tower might consider writing him at least once to say thanks.
Flight Home and Reunion with the Family: Again, as when I left Oregon, I got on the plane in Alabama, took my seat, and then just relaxed. I kept going over and over again in my mind the events of the weekend ... who would have thought in a million years that I would be here and now, doing what I did – visit with the Chief Apostate of all the Earth – as far as JWs were concerned. Only about 6 weeks earlier I gave the Memorial Talk. Now, I am out of the religion. I look around again, and see people, no longer as poor “world-lings” but simply as people, equals, working, vacationing, moving, living, and doing there best. Some religious, some not. Some Christian, some not. But I not longer had to draw lines in the sand – no, I can now just be a human on the planet earth.
Upon Landing, I was greeted by my Family: It was good to be home. If they only knew who I went to see, and what was taking place. As we drove home from the Airport, my youngest son discussed sheepishly a problem that came up, one that would involve the Elders in an error he made. He was not sure of my reaction. I made it clear to him that a new day was dawning, and that his “error” was not something that I would be all that worried about. But, I said that we will find a way to deal with the Elders, and move forward. He seemed greatly reliived.
Time to FINALLY Tell the Family: I forget the exact date, but is was just a day or two since I arrived home from Alabama. I walked out on to the 20 acre field that borders my house on the south. From there, I can see Mt. Hood gleaming at 11,000 Ft, snow capped even in summer. The hills rolling, climbing, and the Douglas Firs standing tall and mighty. I opened up out loud in prayer and asked Jesus Christ to help me cross the next bridge and reveal to my family that I am not going to remain with the religion, for I am no longer one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and never will be again. I spoke to Jesus openly much as I had done as a Roman Catholic 25 years before. I told him that if he just shows me the way, I will do it. As always, no phone call from Jesus or God, but I interpreted a sense of calm as maybe coming from him.
I started with each one - taking them for a walk on our property, wander back some into the 30 acres that was on the east boundary. I said to each that I have something important to say ... and proceeded to explain all that had happened – each time their eyes were fixed on me, and you could see a state of disbelief and relief all mixed together ... I concluded that I am no longer one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I asked that if their sense of loyalty to the religion caused them to report me, then don’t for I will put a stop and DA myself. I then suggested that they could take that approach, or they could seize this as an opportunity, a Window of Time – to reevaluate the religion for themselves, and would have my full support. I offered my full and unconditional love no matter what they chose to do. Each one, accepted the Window of Time ... The only ones remaining were my oldest daughter and future son-in-law.
This is related in detail at: http://freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm
It was finally almost totally done. I could not ask for more that the progress so far. At least I was able to give it my best shot before the “Wolves” stepped in to make life miserable. And now, with assurances from each one, the feeling of security was increasing, and I thought that maybe the nightmare was going to be over soon – just around the corner.
My oldest daughter and future son-in-law were the only ones I did not tell right away. Their wedding was coming up, and I had to use more caution. While this plan was in the works, trouble again would knock at my door. The little issue with my son and the Elders still needed to be settled. Also, the District Conventions were upon us, and I had to still act circumspectly. Then, this would be followed by the Circuit Overseer visit. All three events were converging in, and Elder A was going to come back for another round of spiritual terrorism.
NOTE: Because each part is taking more pages than I anticipated, Part 9 will be, The Summer of Love – JW Style ... To be continued ...