....when meeting a former member.
A few weeks ago I was outside doing the old yardwork routine: mow my postage stamp size of a yard, trim the bushes, edge it. It was Saturday and the JWs were once again working my street. I noticed this old black sister, about 60 years old, just glowing with JW confidence talking with my irrate neighbor. The neighbor was vehemently denouncing the Watchtower as a cult and the old black sister was loving it. She was grinning from ear to ear and firing right back at him in a humorous, condescending tone. He was obviously frustrated and she obviously felt she was winning the discussion they were having.
I watched this scene for about half a minute and yelled in a humorous voice across the street, "Whatever you do, sister, don't take no for an answer." She whipped around and said, "What?" I yelled it again and she grinned even wider and she suddenly decided she was done talking to the irrate neighbor and deserted him in favor of more fruitful territory. Poor woman. Apparently she hadn't seen the "skip my house" warning on the territory card.
She came up and there was this aura about her of happiness and confidence. I mean, she just radiated supreme happiness. We started off with typical conversational plesantries, "You sure picked a hot day to knock on doors, sister," et cetera. She was making a move to start offering me the latest mags, but I headed her off at the pass by saying in my most friendly voice, "I don't read the Watchtower anymore." She smiled and "Oh, my! Tell me why!" I smiled back and said, "Because I used to be a Jehovah's Witness and I was one for a long time." I grinned and said, "Oh, no. Now you're going to flee back to your car group, aren't you? I've scared you." She took two steps back and said "No......no." Perhaps she took it as a bit of a challenge to stay there. After all, if JWs have Jehovah God on their side and the ultimate truth on their side, why should a former member make them nervous?
She smiled and began speaking to me as if she was my grandmother and I was a little boy sitting on her knee. "Now, you know," she said, "I can't imagine ANYONE wanting to leave Jehovah's organization, and the only ones that I know that have left were filled with pride." I told her I used to think that too when I was a JW, but I told her I left because I loved truth more than I loved an organization. That got her. I told her how my own story where I didn't believe in the generation of 1914 doctrine when it was a current teaching of the Watchtower but the elders said I had to support it, how the blood issue wasn't true and a few of the obvious untruths about it. I did this in about five minutes in my calmest, friendliest voice possible. Over and over I emphasized how I loved truth more than following mere men.
She very slowly began stepping back a step at a time. I noticed this and would say, "Uh oh. I better stop. I see that I'm scaring you and I don't mean to do that." She wasn't smiling anymore. But she said, "No......no.......you're not." But instead of face to face she was seven feet away now. The other JWs had finished the street. They walked by scowling at us. They knew who I was. They got in their van and began driving my way to retrieve her from my apostate clutches. Then of all things, my irrate neighbor fears I am being converted and begins marching over to SAVE ME from being converted. LOL.
I have about 20 seconds left to say something that I hope will make a difference. I tell her, "Remember, sister, Jehovah had an organization, but he destroyed it a number of times. (By "Jehovah had an organization I mean Isreal; and yes I'm talking to her in JW-speak so she will be able to grasp the concept) so remember, if you want to please Jehovah, then always follow the truth, not an organization." I repeated it slowly. She understood what I was saying and she frowned.
So the van full of JWs caught up to us, and now my irrate neighbor barges into the conversation with a loud, "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE???!!!!!!" Man, he's a Baptist with a capital B and he is going to unleash some fiery Biblical denunciation on her and the Watchtower. Now, the poor old sister looks very unhappy. She's surrounded: Ex-member in front of her, angry Southern Baptist on her right flank.
I try and calm my neighbor by telling him by saying it's okay, we're just having a conversation and we know some of the same people. His voice goes from Super Baptist voice back to normal friendly neighbor's voice. The JW van door slides open and the old sister beats a hasty retreat. She sits down next to another JW sister looking straight ahead, not even looking at me. The old sister's invincible aura is gone, she looks upset and she won't meet my eyes either as I say smile and say "Goodbye! Enjoyed talking with you." The van pulls away after an elder assesses the situation and he promises to send some brothers over to get me fixed up and back in the truth. I say, "Please send them. I love talking with Jehovah's Witnesses."
The JWs are gone now and I explain to my neighbor that I'm a former member. He talks about how hard JWs are to talk to, that you can't get anywhere with them. I tell my neighbor that JWs love it when you yell at them. It makes them feel they are right. They love to feel persecuted. They take it as confirmation that the world hates them, and didn't Jesus say the world would reject them, and here's the proof, angry people yelling at them. I admit that in years previous I considered it a bit therapeutic to verbally blast a JW off my doorstep on Saturday morning. However, you'll find it doesn't do a darn thing to open the JW mind.
What does work is being gentle with them, being friendly to them and expressing shared values. I tell JWs that I meet, and it's true, that I love truth, I value truth, I want to follow truth, and that's what got me out of the JWs. I wanted to follow truth rather than men. It's a personal testimony of sorts, and even a JW can't argue with a personal testimony that centers around love of truth. But when JWs talk about the Watchtower being God's organization, I talk about how many times God destroyed Isreal, his organization in the Bible, and ask, Why did Jehovah destroy his organization back then?"
Asking questions automatically opens the JW mind, albeit briefly in most circumstances, to ponder a new way of thinking.
When I first got out of the JWs I was too emotionally upset to be calm when they would knock on my door. I was pretty hostile towards JWs but mainly because I was adjusting to being shunned by members of my family, friends. As time has passed I began feeling sorry for them, not angry at them. Now I just want to reach out and hopefully say something that will get a JW to think twice about the lies the Watchtower has hoodwinked their followers into believing. What I have found works is:
1. Be empathetic towards JWs and remember that you used to be just like that person at your door.
2. Share appreciation for truth and/or God, if you believe in God.
3. Composure is everything. Talking with a JW can set off some emotional triggers. Ignore emotional flareups and keep focused that you're trying to help someone that's just like you used to be. Don't use the encounter to vent your hurt and frustration with the Watchtower. It just scares the JW away.
4. Share your knowledge about a false Watchtower belief. Keep it simple. For example, I say something like, "I have trouble in believing the Watchtower because they have predicted a time for The End so many times." I say it this way because I want the JW to try and convince ME that he's right. The longer they stick around to convince me, I have the opportunity to keep feeding them the same facts which led me OUT. It doesn't work to say, "The Watchtower is a cult and I can damn well prove it!!!!!!" LOL. Make the JW do all the work of converting. NOT YOU. As the JW does his routine, gently feed him facts.
5. If you see the JW becoming frightend or backing away, tell them you didn't mean to scare them. Perhaps they will stick around a bit longer because they know they shouldn't be afraid of anyone if they have the truth and they are in the right.
Hope this helps.