Hate leaving my family behind.

Big Dog

After lurking about for a while I finally decided to join the board. I have never done anything like this and was amazed at how stressful it was to sign up and press the return key to join up and actually post something.

Just a quick bio: 41 year old lawyer who was raised a JW but had the good sense to never get baptized. I pretty much hated the Org from day one and never took to it, but as I was not a complete fool I went along to get along so to speak until about my junior year in high school when I pretty much put the word out that baptism was not for me.

I have really enjoyed reading the posts on this forum, some have been funny, others very sad, and many excellent for helping me articulate many of the issues I have with the Org.

As the subject line indicates one of the most difficult things for me is "leaving" my family behind. As I was never baptised and thus never DF'd there is no shunning etc., I see and talk to my family often. What I mean is leaving them behind in the Org, I have watched my siblings emotional and personal growth stunted by the Org, never fully becoming the people they could have been. I buried my dad this past summer as well and as I have read in other posts had to listen to a funeral service that was very short on what sort of a man he was and long on pitching the Org's beliefs. I continue to watch my family toil away in "service" for what I have determined for myself as a decietful and morally bankrupt organization. I have tried talking to my family (both immediate and extended are mostly in the Org) trying to get them thinking but for the most it hasn't done much good and has only served to strain our relationships. It is also difficult in conversation when they spout typical JW propaganda to hold my tongue and not respond, which typically leads to an unpleasant exchange.

So, in addition to saying hello and introducing myself, I guess my question is how many of you feel that way about your family?

poppers

Hi Big Dog. Welcome to the forum. I can't answer your question since I've never been a dub, but I will throw out this observation: in effect, you have recognized that your family is stuck in a dream world while you are awake to the fact that it is a dream world you want no part of - it is a world held together by nothing but beliefs. If one is awake then there can be compassion for those who are still stuck. They really don't know better, even though they think they do. They are stuck in conceptual loops - let there be patience and compassion. Good luck.

95stormfront

I do. Although I and my immediate family are not in it, and oh though they tried to talk me out of it when I was gung ho about being a JW, my wife and her family are totally washed in WT. Anytime I say anything about the org, even in a offhanded way, they go into full "defend the org at all costs" mode and shut down.

I could care less about my in-laws, but I wish my wife would wake-up.

A couple of my brother-in-laws, I think have recognized the WT for the lying cheatinig organization it is, but, they're afraid to speak up about it for fear of family.

AlmostAtheist

I have watched my siblings emotional and personal growth stunted by the Org, never fully becoming the people they could have been.

Welcome to the forum, Dog! Glad you're letting your voice be heard. It sounds like you have much to add.

It's hard to see the people you love intentionally stunting themselves in this way. I feel for you. My brother-in-law is on a similar path. I tried to encourage him to seek a career, then pioneer and bethel all he wants after that. I showed him where Fred Franz discouraged seeking a career in "this system of things soon to end" -- that was in the 50's. The people that followed his advice are now hoping they can eke by on social security. He agreed he needed a career, but he's not motivated to do anything by anyone around him. Frustrating to watch.

Dave

Bryan

Welcome Big Dog.

My daughter - whom I helped raise in the bOrg - started shunning me about a year ago. Like you, I feel more concern of her being in it, than I do her shunning me. I hope she wakes up before I did.

Take care,

Bryan

Have You Seen My Mother

Gopher

Welcome to the forum. I was baptized at 16 in part because of the social pressure to do it. I thought it was a dedication to serve God, and nothing more. (How wrong that was!!)

Now being an ex-member, my parents and grandmother still left in the organization shun me. It's good and bad: good because I don't continually get pressure from them to believe their beliefs or come back, and bad because I wish for normal family connections.

My parents have both been waiting for Armageddon to come for over 5 decades. Fortunately my dad belonged to a union so they have a decent retirement. However due to their following Watchtower teaching, their viewpoints have been narrowed and they have a wall separating them from their children. It is ironic and tragic that they blame US for building that wall, when in reality the instructions and encouragement for building the wall are clearly outlined in their publications such as "Watchtower" and "Our Kingdom Ministry".

Big Dog

I remember my sister telling me that if 2000 came and went that she would have to rethink things. When it came and went I reminded her of that to which I recieved a sheepish grin and heard for the first time about "brothers who had run a head of themselves". As a lawyer I am no stranger to working the language, but stuff like that, I can't decide whether to laugh or cry. My sister always wanted to be a vet, loved animals, but of course that took school and need I say more. She is the dutiful wife of a hardline elder and is so beaten down and cowed that it just kills me. I look at her and see what and who she might have been had she lived a normal life and just see a tragic waste of potential. My other siblings are the same way, never allowed to grow and dare I say it, evolve into the people they were meant to be, or use the gifts that had been given them.

Dragonlady76

Welcome Big Dog,

I to was raised a JW, but knew it wasn't for me at an early age, I never got baptized and just faded away. My parents still talk to me and I have a good relationship with them. But it does break my heart to think that they are wasting there time slaving for the org. My parents know that I will not go back, as they don't preach to me as much anymore, but they have their moments. My parents are actually my grandparents that raised me from birth, they are quite old now and my dad an (MS) was forced to retire from work, he's always been an activeman, now that he is at home with nothing to do I can see that he gets so much satisfaction from field service and going to the KH and shepperding calls.

Keeping this in mind I have decided to keep my mouth shut, and let him enjoy what time he has left on this earth. I have read so many stories of mean and corrupt JW's(I even know some myself) but my dad is actually a good person that does try to lead a good life, and he is helpful of others even when they are not JW's. They tried to bring me up the best way they knew, I resent having lost my childhood to the org, but I don't resent him. He even gave me away at my wedding (not in a church) but I know that despite him loving the org, he still loves me. And I have come to terms with that

Dragonlady76

Big Dog

Dragonlady,

Your story sounds very similar to mine, I had serious doubts and questions from a young age. And my parents were really decent people, just misguided, that's why at my dad's funeral I was so incensed that so little was said about what a decent man he was, and I went totally ballistic when I was told I wasn't allowed to say anything at the grave, only the brother giving the eulogy was allowed to speak. I about came unglued over that one.

And like you, the worst thing was what I similarly refer to as my lost childhood, you just can't get it back. But I agree with you, I have pretty much given up trying to talk to them regarding any issues of faith or religion, though as I stated above occasionally something will be said in conversation that I just can't let go, its like a knee jerk gag reflex when someone spouts some JW drivel like "oh soon the end will come and all this will be taken care of". But I try.

Check_Your_Premises

The really sad part about having a family member in this goof-ball cult, is that they believe it because they want to. It gives them some measure of peace. We would hope they wouldn't waste their, and by extension our, lives slaving for what is clearly a deluded human enterprise. But the fact of the matter is, that if we could wave a magic wand and remove their blinders, would it really make them happier?

Ignorance is bliss. The truth only sets you free.

"To many freedom is an irksome burden" -paraphrase Eric Hoffer, The True Believer

Hate leaving my family behind.

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