How the WTS brings a child's confidence & self-esteem down

by Nosferatu 11 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  Nosferatu

  This is a bit of a spinoff of avishai's post "Anyone been beat up for being a Dub?" I suffered this as a JW and I completely blame the WTS for it. The following quotes are from the pink Great Teacher book:

  From the chapter "Happy are the Peaceable" (heh, what a load)

  (emphasis mine)

  But what if someone tries to pick a fight with you? He may try to get you angry by calling you names. He may laugh at you and say that you're scared. Maybe he calls you a sissy. What should you do? Should you let yourself be drawn into a fight?-

  Again, let's see what the Bible says. Turn to Matthew chapter five and verse thirty-nine. There Jesus says: "Do not resist him that is wicked; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other also to him."

  What did Jesus mean by that? Did he mean that if someone hits you with his fist on one side of your face, you should let him hit you on the other side?-No, he did not mean that.

  A slap is not like a hit with the fist. It is more like a push or a shove. A person does this to pick a fight. He wants us to get angry. And if we do get angry and push or shove back, what happens?-We will probably get into a fight.

  Jesus did not want his followers to act like that. So he said that if someone slaps us, we should not slap back. We should not become angry and get into a fight. If we do, we show that we are no better than the one who started the fight.

  If trouble starts, the best thing is to walk away. The other fellow may push or shove a few more times. But that will probably be the end of it. When you walk away, it does not show that you are weak. It shows that you are strong for what is right.

  The problem was, it wasn't the end of it. It continued happening and started to happen every day at school. It got to the point where my nerves began to shatter and I began uncontrollably shaking at school because I was always turning the other cheek or walking away. I stayed strong for what is right. Right for who or what?

  Now some of you may say, "well, why didn't you walk away?" You can't really walk away when your in a classroom. "Well, why didn't you tell the teacher?" I did numerous times, and the teacher just says that they'll keep an eye open. Once the teacher's back is turned, the problems from the other classmates started again. I didn't dare whine "so-and-so's hitting me" or I'd get payback in the hallway or another class. The Watchtower Society has no clue what actually goes on in school.

  I'm going to sidestep a bit and take a quote out of the 09/15/93 Watchtower, page 13. Articles similar to this have been printed frequently:

  19 From the example of Jesus, we learn a number of things that help us to have a realistic view of what endurance involves. The course of endurance is not an easy one. If we are finding it difficult to endure a particular trial, there is comfort in knowing that the same was true even of Jesus. To endure to the end, we must repeatedly pray for strength. When under trial we may at times feel unworthy to pray. But Jehovah invites us to pour out our hearts to him 'because he cares for us.' (1 Peter 5:7) And by reason of what Jehovah has promised in his Word, he has obligated himself to supply "power beyond what is normal" to those who call upon him in faith.-2 Corinthians 4:7-9.

  During my "trials" at school getting beat up every day, I prayed frequently to Jehovah. I prayed multiple times during the day. I would also thank him at the end of the day for helping me make it through. The result? A bad case of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and uncontrollable shaking. I was already suffering PTSD from my physically abusive mother, and the problems at school made it worse. I still have the occasional problem with it. Then, just for the hell of it, throw in all the name calling. The result? My self-esteem sank to an incredible low. I didn't have a very high opinion of myself.

  Back to the Great Teacher book; The following is taken from the chapter called "Those Who Chose The Best Places"

  Do you know what a slave does?-He serves other persons, rather than let others serve him. He takes the lowest place, not the first place. He acts as the least important one, not the most important. And remember that Jesus said that the one who wants to be first should act like a slave toward others.

  Now, what do you think that means for us?-Would a slave argue with his master over who is going to get the best seat?-Or would he argue about who is going to eat first?-Jesus showed that a slave always puts his master before himself. Isn't that the way we should do too?- -Luke 17:7-10.

  Yes, it is the Christian way to put others ahead of ourselves. This is what the Great Teacher did. And if we follow his example we will be pleasing to God.

  I took this chapter to heart. I was always putting others before myself. What began happening is other people began taking advantage of me. I knew they were taking advantage of me, but I was a good slave and continued to do it. Now, combine this with "Turning the other cheek". Not only was I letting people take advantage of me, but I wasn't standing up for myself so they continued to do it.

  Now combine that with the chapter "The Unforgiving Slave"

  HAS anyone ever done something wrong to you?-Did he hurt you or say something unkind to you?-It made you feel bad, didn't it?-

  When something like that happens, should you treat the other person in the same unkind way that he treats you?-Many people would.

  But the Great Teacher said that we should forgive those who do wrong to us.

  So, if someone does something unkind to you, but then says that he is sorry, what will you do? Will you forgive him?-What if it happens many times? Will you still forgive him?-

  If we were the person who was asking to be forgiven, we would want the other person to forgive us, wouldn't we?-We should do the same for him. We should not just say that we forgive him, but we should really forgive him from our heart. When we do that, we show that we really want to be followers of Jesus.

  So now I have someone who is repeatedly taking advantage of me, but I keep forgiving them. Is this person truly worthy of forgiveness?

  It's taken me years to get my self-esteem back up, gain some confidence, and stand up for myself (which I still have trouble with). I've made incredible progress and I'm very proud of myself.

  As for the book "Listening to The Great Teacher" or it's reincarnation called "Learn From The Great Teacher" (which is even worse), I would never suggest feeding a child this garbage. It's done more damage than good.
• 

  Gopher

  Looking at those "Great Teacher" quotes, it sounds like they're setting up JW kids for a lifetime of subservience and yielding to the will of the organization.

  You're going to get slapped around at school, but hey don't fight back. It might bring reproach on the organization. Kids know you're a JW, and if they don't it's because you're spiritually weak.

  Later on when you grow up in the organization, you're supposed to yield, i.e. allow people to walk all over you.

  At least that's how it seemed to me. I grew up in the organization.

  There came times I hated going to school. I was different and was picked on. Turning the other cheek didn't work. The bullies or teasers really wanted to stomp on your self-esteem. While in school I didn't learn to speak up for myself or fight back. I was treated like a doormat by certain kinds of people. And all it takes is just one person treating you that way to make your life in school miserable.
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  Singing Man

  Yeah tell me about it, I wish I could have been involved more in school activitys I would have stayed in school I think. Like taking all the babes that wanted me in my hot Rod: Shane,
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  Mysterious

  ::shudder:: I can *still* hear the voice of the guy on the tape reading those quotes after so many years. If THAT does not show indoctrination in the witnesses I don't know what does.
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  Nosferatu

  Looking through that book brought back some memories. I remember everytime I'd get in shit, my mother would pull out the pink book and say, "We're going to read our favorite chapter, Obedience Protects You". I dreaded those 3 words.
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  yxl1

  Witness kids are an easy target. At least other christians at school had the common sense to keep their religious ideals to themselves. At my school, we had about 6 dubs, two of which were elders sons. I was forever stopping them from recieving daily beatings. I never liked these two elders sons, but I dislike bullies even more. Pitty you werent at my school Nos, I'd have taken care of ya.
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  Satans little helper

  I got picked on badly for being a dub, I am not a 'turn the other cheek' kind of guy and put two kids in hospital before they all left me alone.

  I think the emotional picking on was worse though. Being shunned for being different and not having friends was really tough, coupled by the fact that the kids my age in the cong were freaks made my teenage years pretty lonely. In the end it's made me extremely resilient and very independant, to the point of being very comfortable with my own company. It was only after leaving home and joining the real world that I learnt how to interact with people socially
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  seeitallclearlynow

  Nosferatu,

  I really feel for you, and for the other "good" Witness (and other) kids in school. My daughter suffered from the mean girls in school, some verbally and otherwise abusing her daily, even terrorizing her over the phone. I had to call the police on a classmate of hers named Missy in her junior high days for this. (That did stop Missy.)

  I'd always felt bad for boys in junior high especially, because the treatment some of them endured was unbearable to my way of thinking. I've often wondered how boys and young men get through life! But somehow they do, so it seems that a lot of school authorities don't think enough of it, to the harm of the kids.

  What a good kid you were to take the counsel so to heart! I never had the humility to do that in school, and I didn't encourage my kids to either. So while I passionately defended my daughter when these things were happening, I probably also made it a bit worse, by encouraging her to fight back verbally, which only cut those kids to the heart, and made them more angry at my daughter. But she also had many friends.

  My son never had any trouble, because he was the aggressor and the champion of other students' rights, physically challenging the abusive ones, violently defending the underdogs. Not exactly "Witness" or Christian behavior, but it was just his nature. We would both get teary when he would recount how he had kicked and beaten this one or that one in defense of another child, because he and I regretted how far he would go in his treatment of bullies.

  You have a wonderful defense in your humor and intelligence, and I hope these and other qualities and resources help you to recover fully.

  Hang in there!

  Love,

  Seeit
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  Nosferatu

  You have a wonderful defense in your humor and intelligence, and I hope these and other qualities and resources help you to recover fully.

  I've recovered quite well. I've also learned how to blow off steam rather than keeping it all inside which I've done all my life. That was an incredibly difficult obstacle to overcome.

  My humor has rescued me from many situations. When me and my fiance were at the bar shortly after we started dating, I had this one guy come up to me thinking he was going to make an ass out of me. He just came out and said "You're gay". My response? "That's right honey. Hey, how about we go into the washroom and have a bit of fun (wink)" My girlfriend laughed, the guy just said "Ewww, sick!" and backed off.

  If I would have just "walked away" the guy would have kept verbally attacking me and laughing at me, my girlfriend would have laughed at me, and I would have felt like crap. That's one of the huge negatives about the JW religion, you don't learn how to deal with childish critisizm or verbal attacks.
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  alias

  Nos,

  So sorry to hear about your experiences. I feel for you. Unfortunately, even non-dubs experience similiar things in school. Growing up is hard enough... being the target for someone else makes it unbearable.

  Someone very close to me endured similiar crap... it hurts, I know. I'm glad you are who you are now, your humorous way at dealing with that guy in the bar made me smile.

  alias