Posts by Mamacat

27

Regrets of Being Brought up as a Witness

by chuckie77 in

ive never really been one to say a whole lot against the organisation, even though i was really unhappy in the years leading up to getting out of it, i still think theres so many good, peace loving and genuine people in it.

that said i was brought up as a witness and sometimes feel like ive been robbed of a true childhood.. my dad was a lot older than my mum, and was almost 50 when i was born.

he was the po in the cong and being a witness was, and still is, everything to him.

Mamacat

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about it, Chuckie. It's definitely a common feeling among those raised at jw's.

I hated being a witness too as a kid. I was embarrassed and felt constantly out of place. I'm not so quick to excuse my parents either. Just because they are anti-social by nature, I wish they had not imposed it on me.

Once I was in high school, there were no other jw's in my school, so I didn't tell anyone about it. I remember my mom would give me that stupid school brochure to give to my teachers, and I'd just throw it away. Then, I was able to seem normal and make friends at school. But they'd invite me places and I was never allowed to go! So then the invitations stopped, and I was just as lonely and left out as before!

I was always dreading something. Like the week after Christmas when all of the kids would talk about their new presents. I never had new stuff...even though my dad was not a JW, we did not have Christmas at all in the house. And summer break when I would be stuck at my house all the time except for meetings.

I couldn't play with the other kids in the neighborhood, I wasn't allowed to use the phone or do anything that required staying after school. It was a miserable existance to me. I knew that my mom could be "protective" of me without keeping me a prisoner in the house.

However, the sneaking around I did just because I craved normal human contact got me into trouble quite a bit. But, I've always thought that if I had been allowed to interact with "worldly" people all my life, I wouldn't have been so quick to get caught up in bad situations. I had very low self-exteem for a long time because of the teasing I experienced as a kid. I've seen studies that kids of over-protective parents are more likely to make bad decisions when they are finally given a little bit of freedom.

37

REALLY, Why Do People Remain Jehovah's Witnesses???

by minimus in

jw
friends

i think it's all about fear.

they are always afraid of displeasing jehovah god, the elders, the circuit overseer.

witnesses are always walking on eggshells, hoping that they'll be good enough to make it thru the great tribulation.

Mamacat

Well, for my mom, I know she really looks forward to a time with no wars, crime and that whole spiel. Her whole focus is on the paradise. She will hang in forever because she has faith in those words.

It's sad because she could live her life to the fullest now and not die unfullfilled waiting on something that isn't going to happen.

17

How to leave Jehovah's Witnesses (fairly) painlessly...

by DubBeachBabe in

jw
friends

posted this as a response on another thread, but i know there are people who want this as a new discussion.

i'm sure there are many good people watching these discussions who know you want to leave, but also know that this is what may await you - family alienation and pain.

if you haven't already overtly left, my advice to you is this: don't succumb to the disfellowshipping process.

Mamacat

Great advice! The only catch I see is when family members tattle on a fader and keep the congregation aware of their whereabouts.

I wish they would not coerce or allow children to get baptised. Everywhere I turned as a teenager, someone was asking me with that goofy looking smile, "When are you going to dedicate your life to Jehovah?" All the stories about 9 and 10 year olds getting baptised, and then other younger ones in the hall would go ahead and you were made to feel something was wrong with you when you said you weren't ready. It was as bad as the "peer pressure" they are always talking about in those Young People Ask articles. At least I had my non-JW dad to use as an excuse since he was always "persecuting" us. I am so glad I did not go through with it because I still have my mom and grandma and aunts who will speak to me.

Sorry, went off on a little of a tangent, but I wonder how many families could be saved if they didn't allow people to be baptised until they were 18? I think some jw's can accept a child falling out of the truth more than they can accept their child being df'd because of the stigma attached.

I guess they could have tracked me down and had me da'd, but nothing.

18

Mama's Boys

by Thegoodgirl in

question: are you dealing with a mama's boy?.

i am afraid i am.

my hubby is on the phone with this parents (actually mostly his dad) for about an hour each night.

Mamacat

Warlock...no, I didn't. That was all about my ex-husband. Sorry for the confusion. My current husband doesn't really have much to do with his mom at all. His aunt raised him, and there is no cord that needs to be cut.

My husband and my ex have nothing in common except they were both in the military. I learned my lesson about mama's boys and abusive people. My ex was quite a bit like my dad though now that I look back on it. ugh

18

Mama's Boys

by Thegoodgirl in

question: are you dealing with a mama's boy?.

i am afraid i am.

my hubby is on the phone with this parents (actually mostly his dad) for about an hour each night.

Mamacat

Ugh...that was my first husband to a tee! The phone calls back and forth were way excessive! I ended up barely calling my mom when we lived far away just to keep the phone bill down a little. I always complained when the phone bill came too...I went so far as to add up all the calls made to his mom and show him. Sometimes men aren't aware that things cost as much as they do.

Now, do your in-laws just try to get involved in everything in your life? My ex-MIL was a real piece of work. When my ex was deployed overseas, she would write him letters bashing me for everything!

I was able to get him to see that she would never accept me and would try to make him choose between us. I never made him choose, but I did make sure he didn't accomodate all of her absurb requests on his time by planning other things. Usually she was a "last minute" type of planner, so I'd just have things set up. Occasionally, he would get mad at her and they would stop speaking for awhile and then things would be okay for awhile. But, my problems with him were bigger than him being a mama's boy so we divorced.

Although, dinner is definitely a planned activity. I'd ask him what time is a definite dinner time and tell him that everyone is expected to be at the table. Turn the ringer off on the phone if you have to. Or go directly to the source and tell the MIL that you eat at such and such a time and that you'd appreciate if she didn't call during that time. I'd try to set up a set time and day for the phone calls. Just mark it under the guise of "wanting to be home when you call, since we are just so busy."

My ex-MIL still causes me problems and I divorced her son over 7 years ago. My oldest sons are spending the summer with their dad about an hour away...however she keeps coming and getting them and taking them to her house which is 4 hours away. I have no problem with them spending time with her as she is their grandma, but again, she just calls him up and says, "I'm coming to get them today." My ex and I had agreed they would return to me before their brothers birthday party next week, but now his mom isn't going to bring them back until 2 days after. The party is already set and paid for, so I can't do much about changing the date. I am so mad, and my soon to be 5 year old can't believe his brothers are going to miss his party!

13

Teaching a Toddler to Reason...

by jgnat in

i'm working on my "unbelieving mates" book today.

i'm putting together the best ways to teach a child to reason from infancy to adulthood.

i firmly believe that a child taught to reason can be permanently inoculated against pyramid schemes, con artists, bad dates, fear-mongering, false politicians promises, quackery, and destructive religious extremism.. reasoning ability is closely tied to language development.

Mamacat

Great ideas here, jgnat!

Limbogirl...I am the same way with my sons. If one of them shows an interest in something, I made sure to indulge it. My almost 5 year old loves trains...and The Little Engine that Could is one of his absolute favorite books too. We have went on train rides, to train musuems, to a few historical society buildings just to look at the old photos of trains, etc. I never would have thought to seek out these places on my own, but I want to make him happy. My parents weren't the indulging type...they chose everything that we did and I had no say. I meet moms all the time that can't imagine spending even $10 on something that their kids will like but the parents don't think they will enjoy. But I say that if it costs $10 or whatever for my kids to have a memory that will last their whole life, it is definitely worth it to them. And, hey, even I thought it was cool to ride on Thomas the Tank Engine. lol

I encourage my boys to talk to people we meet and ask questions if they have them. I remember being scared of "worldly people" too, and I won't have them grow up terrified to speak to new people and make new friends.

While sometimes, we listen to music in the car, more and more, we just talk and play games. Sometimes it is hard to get them all to sit down at the house to have a good conversation with all their different activities and schedules, but in the car, they are much more willing to listen and participate. I love when they are all laughing and talking among themselves...I don't remember much laughter and joy in my house as a kid.

21

JW parents/relatives attempts to encourage you to come back or change ...

by alienagent in

i am rather new here, so i may be repeating a worn out subject.

however, for me it is rather a new experience, since i have only just recently stopped going to the kh.

my heart has never really been in it, though i am not in total disagreement and have made some nice friends in "the truth".

Mamacat

My mom was big with the guilt trips. She would find mags that I should read too. Once I moved out, married, had kids, it was different, but still a prevailing theme.

I finally couldn't take it anymore when she was crying and saying that it wasn't only me that she was going to lose to Armageddon, it was her grandsons too. I told her that she told me when I was a kid, I would never have to worry about graduating high school, getting a job, having kids etc in this "old system." And that I was injured for life because I never had the goals and plans like other normal kids do. Everytime I wanted to do something, it was shot down because we didn't have much time left...

I told her I couldn't have her saying stuff like that in case the kids overheard...that we were going to die! I asked her if she would like to tell them directly to their faces the stuff she kept telling me. She said she wouldn't want to hurt or scare them! Well DUH then quit trying to do it to me although I know bettter. I lived with that crap as a kid.

We finally agreed to disagree. She doesn't bring up her jw stuff unless I ask or if she does bring it up, I can tell her I don't want to discuss it, and she will respect that. That way, she gets to spend all the time she wants with us and think it is because we won't make it through to paradise...and we don't have to listen to the jw crap. It took several years to get to that point, and I was never baptised. But, above all, my mom has a commitment to family, which I know not all jw's do. I think it came from the fact that she wanted to spend time with us more than we wanted to spend time with her.

25

Automatic Re-instatement?

by BritBoy in

does anyone out there know the answer this one.... .

ok, take for example the oral sex thread and the fact that the dubs reversed their thinking on this.

so, twenty years ago (within the marriage arrangements) blow job = disfellowshipping... now it's a "matter of conscience".

Mamacat

I asked my mom about this concerning the changes about blood and blood fractions. She said that after people were df'd for that, if they made no attempt to be reinstated, they fell out of Jehovah's favor. Since, they had no favor, they would do other things that were reasons for disfellowshipping so it all equaled out. I think my mom and the other JW's think that once you are out, you go silly with sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.

27

XJW critical mass?

by IP_SEC in

jw
friends

how many xjws are there out there?

how many xjws know the truth about the troof?

are there now more xjws than there are active witnesses?

Mamacat

I have been surprised to learn just how many people have had experiences with JW's. I don't casually mention that my mom is one, or that I was raised with it. But, I will mention it to my friends if it comes up (usually in response to if we are going to visit family for the holidays, or if my family is coming for my kids' birthdays.)

Almost everyone I know has someone in their family that either is a JW or was at one time! I remember when I was one of 2 or 3 in my school, I always thought that it was very uncommon to be one because I was so singled out. I have gave several people tips on how to get them to stop coming back to their doors!

I don't think you could ever figure it out using statistics, because everyone here that went to the hall will remember when someone's study would show up for a few meetings, or when someone would get a family member to come for a while. There are many people out there that have been exposed to the JW teachings that just decided it wasn't for them. I don't know that they would be so invested to try to deter others from joining though. I definitely do though!

22

Fictional representations of Jehovah's Witnesses

by slimboyfat in

jw
friends

i wonder if anyone has ever compiled a list of references to jehovah's witnesses in novels and other works of fiction.

i have been reading about research into mormonism focussing on how mormons have been represented over the years in works of fiction.

a similar project with jehovah's witnesses would be really fascinating.

Mamacat

There was an episode of Law & Order SVU called Rooftop where a suspect refused to have his blood drawn for a DNA test and said it was because he was a jw. The detectives asked him to prove it, but the M.E. said that so long as he said it, she had to take his word for it and couldn't do the test.

I didn't know that jw's would against a DNA test, and of course, the guy was just saying that to get out of taking one for what it would prove.