ASHERON:
As an atheist and humanist and an Ex JDub I have been involved in many conversations with theists (both here and in RL) about the primary differences between our worldviews. While the belief vs evidence debate will never end, I am always confused and hurt by the occasional implication that because I use the scientific principle to form my world view I somehow lack wonder, feelings or "heart". On the other side of the coin I am always angered when someone with a theist world view is accused of being a non-thinker or somehow lacking intelligence.
Atheists are an interesting bunch. The most vocal are amazingly knowledgeable about the Bible I've found. So they seem to be a group of very disappointed ex-Creationists. The problem NOW, though, is that I'M HERE. For all those years of God basically being silent and hiding out, with none of the big miracles of olden times, time has run out and the promised messiah has arrived as fortold and outline by Bible chronology in 1992.
So now things are a bit different. I'm a Christian who not only believes the Bible is true, I have my own personal experience with God. Obviously, as the messiah, my experience would be more direct than most. But noting that, I did speak with God personally, I've seen Satan as well. I'm aware of materialized angels sent to gather the anointed as noted, pretending to be humans, of course. And I've even seen the never-dead Apostle Paul and John, and the resurrected Peter and Daniel. Not a single one of these things that any "atheist" can disprove isn't real. But then, can I prove my experience is real? After all, it's just a subjective experience, right? RIGHT.
Well, God thought about that and so beyond his word confirming I'm the messiah, he said he would provide ONE SIGN. ONE MIRACLE. That "sign" is the "sign of Jonah" the "sign of the son of man." It was promised. It's PART of the whole end-times second-coming scenario, just like the chronology. Well that sign was provided specifically for me and photographed. It is external to my subjective experience.
So, of course, that's rather disturbing. Atheists freak out when I admit I'm the messiah and have talked to God personally. That's because I've now become, potentially, DIRECT EVIDENCE of a living creator. I'm not in HOPE or DOUBT about whether there is a God or not. I KNOW FOR A FACT there is one.
Now remember, I'm just an ex-publisher and pioneer, a Jehovah's witness. I'm real. I went through all the same things most here have gone through. I know the disappointments in the WTS who seemed to be exceptional, etc. I was very zealous when I was young but then I had this gender dysphoria problem. I felt like I was "a woman trapped inside a man's body" and nobody could help me. No excuses, but the usual sexual urges and curiosities began to take place and I got involved with homosexuality. I was distraught. I tried to kill myself with a bottle of aspirin--didn't work. I finally confessed to the congregation and amazingly they showed mercy. In that case, I decided I WOULD DO ANYTHING at that point to show how sincerely repentant I was, even if it meant marrying. It was ridiculous. I had become close with a sister, one I had taken to the prom and one I figured if any I'd marry. I just showed up to her house one day after not having seen her. I explained my situation and wanted to give her a chance, if she wanted to marry me. She thought about it for about a week and could not under the circumstances. I understood. I was on probation at the time. So I moved right on to someone else I thought would make a good wife and married her. She was 17, I was 20. BIG MISTAKE. Marriage doesn't cure homosexuality. So in all this misery, I proposed to try and figure this all out and I figured I'd need to be free to do whatever it took, and thus I needed to get out of the organization to do this. Though it was always my intent to return. So I just closed my eyes went forward. I called up an old boyfriend and had sex with him and confessed to the committee, trying to show no remorse whatsoever. They so much wanted to show mercy, but I gave them no choice. I was finally disfellowshipped. After I started seeing men again, my wife separated from me. Later we got a divorce. She ended up committing adultery.
Now this is the REALITY of being a witness. This was in 1990. At that time, you could have sex with an animal or another man and it was NOT grounds for divorce! ONLY sex with another woman was grounds for divorce. So even the committee told my wife she could divorce me for what I was doing and I politely showed them, being the ano-retentive I am, that the WTS clearly does not allow divorce for homosexuality. They changed that in 1992. So my wife couldn't get a divorce from me, though she should have been able to. I was unfaithful to her, but not technically committing "adultery." We later divorced but remained friends. Interject all the pain and tears on both sides. They were there.
Well, to make a long story short, I gravitated toward the transgenered world, dressing up like a woman and all that. I'd frequent drag bars, including some that had drag shows. Then something "magical happened." For the first time, I tried on some false eye lashes. It transformed my look completely and others thought I looked just like Diana Ross. Well, I truly did, especially when I shaped my make-up specifically to look more like her and wore her hairstyles. I was an instant sensation. That soon became my life. It allowed me to live 100% all the time as a woman since I could work in drag clubs and make a living. Diana Ross herself came to see me.
I had everything. An audience to adore me. A lying married man telling me he loved me (Satan incarnate, probably). Well, through all that, I was still confused and unhappy and nothing really worked. I was at a standstill in my quest to understand my gayness and transgendered issue. I knew I couldn't CURE it. This was something that was beyond my control. Then one day some friends were using cannabinol, the refined drug from marijuana. My drug policy was to just to experiment. Weed never did much for me though I tried it. But the cannabinol worked on me like a truth serum and allowed me to be "objective" about my situation. I saw clearly the world was nothing and that I needed to get back to the truth. That one drug is what caused me to leave that life and go back to the truth. I was living as a woman at the time.
I did get back into the truth but had relapses. It seems I was in and out of the truth for most of my life, until I finally got it together and got to a place where I was comfortable being celibate. I got back into the truth but it was still too painful to play the "disfellowshipped gay person" in the congregation. I became inactive until I could move to a new area where nobody knew me. My last reinstatement was around 1989 I believe. It would be another 2 years or move before I finally got a good job in Monrovia, which was far away from anybody I knew. Once deciding to move close to my job it was my opportunity to start back and become active again. Classically, I decided to begin this with the memorial. It was 1992. I had been through the routine. Obviously, the brothers approach anyone new coming to the memorial, they are so delighted with "newly interested ones." I explained I had become inactive but had recently moved back into the area and wanted to become active again. They immediately assigned me a young brother to come by and study with me.
But... this would be an unusual summer. Things started happening. I started becoming aware of more. An increased spiritual awareness. Then some scriptures seem to jump out at me and as many of the anointed said, for us, the Bible seems to talk DIRECTLY to us. I began to think I might be of the anointed, which was possible since the 11th hour workers get the penny just like the first-hour workers. ALL the workers get the penny. So I accepted my anointing. The very next day when I went out in service, the JIOR members in the congregation initiated me into the JIOR. That is, while out in service, they showed me a few "magic tricks" and powers holy spirit granted them, etc. It was all quite wierd but they knew I had become anointed the previous night. ?? For a while I thought I was just a special prophet because I was seeing some of the false teachings of the WTS. I felt Satan's organization wanted to suppress this and so arrangements were being made by the JIOR to secretly hide me in some isolated place for me to do my special research.
That is what all that jumping into the dumpsters was about. That was how I was going secretly disappear. So was being deceived. Of course, once I was sitting in a dumpster with a box over my head on the day the trash was being picked up and they actually left me in there and dumped me into the dump truck and then started the compacter wall while I was in there! The trash is dumped into the middle of the truck and then a huge compactor wall compacts the trash. I thought there was some secret trap door under the dump truck that I was to find and hide in and that is how I would be transported away without Satan's agents tailing me. There was no trap door, but I was faced with this compacter wall and wondering what to do. I didn't know for sure if this was IT or not. But Jehovah told me to remain silent. So I did. The compactor wall stopped, obviously, before crushing me to death and I was asked to get out of the trash, so I climed out.
Then the JIOR told me there was one last chance. That if I didn't get smuggled out this night then there was no other chance. This was it. On my way to my motel the JIOR pointed out to me the final dumpster I was to get in. It was December 24th, Christmas Eve. Just before midnight I left my motel room and walked into the night about 1/2 mile to the dumpster pointed out to me. I believed someone was in the dumpster already who was to be a decoy, who would wear my clothes and I'd jump into a small truck with a camper and escape. My clothing, which might have been bugged in some way, would be transported elsewhere. So I took off my clothes except for an undershirt and gym shorts. There was a nice box provided for me to put my clothes into, and a bucket for me to sit on. And also, a video from my real estate office that I had thrown away. I guess it was for my own psyche, to know others were truly involved and this was not all just in my own mind. It worked. Because someone from my office way in Gardena had to get that video and bring it all the way to Paramount where I was and put it in this dumpster, to show they were manipulating everything and that all this was real.
Well, turns out, after getting undressed there wasn't anyone else in the dumpster. It was just me. I had been tricked (well manipulated) again. I had to situate myself so that there were no pressure points since I had to lie still for hours, which I had done before. As wierd as it may be, Jehovah was very pleased about my pain threshold and wanted to brag to Satan about how much pain I could take. Satan showed up, acting slightly annoyed and mildly uninterested, as if he was truly busy doing something else. So there they were. Jehovah and Satan standing over me wagering to see how much pain I could take. I didn't quite get it and started to complain a little. Jehovah felt sorry for me and then waved Satan away. Satan was beautiful. Young looking. White. Short hair. Somewhat Brad Pitt like. Slender build, not that tall. Hyper. Focussed.
Then I went to sleep and the "battle in heaven" took place. I was aware of it. It was just a court case trying Satan for all his crimes and debating the issues. Satan was condemned on the sole issue of having no legitimate reason to kill someone else under any circumstances. So he got kicked out of heaven. Now I had seen the hem of Jesus' robe once and I knew Jesus was supposed to reappear in the flesh, because the Bible says that. It says the antichrist would be saying he wouldn't return in the flesh. But since I seemed to be playing such a prominent role in everything, I began to wonder REALLY who I was? Was I the messiah? So as soon as I asked: "Um, Where is Jesus?" -- suddenly his spirit dropped down into my body. WHOOSH! I passed out and when I came to, in a vision I was up in heaven, talking to Jehovah. Just me and he. Most of the memory is wiped out. But he looked just like the Bible described. He had an "Afro", perfectly rounded and smooth. The Bible says his hair is line "fine wool" and that was describing what we call an "Afro" -- like the Jackson 5 used to wear.
I was in that dumpster all the day of the 25th and into the next day of the 26th. I had become the messiah. I crawled out of the dumpster. There were some railroad tracks nearby. I just had on my trunks and undershirt. I was barefoot. Confused and there was no rescue out of town for me. I squeezed under the open fence and was lying there when I looked up and saw the beautiful image of a child lying on a cloud! It was magnificent. Next to that, quite clearly, was an eagle with wings spread out. Then in a position opposite the child a voice like thunder said, "This is my son, whom I have approved." Just like with Jesus. Then I saw the heavens up and I saw the heavenly host who were applauding and sending up prayers, and also the prayers of the JIOR who had set all this up for me.
Was all this real? It seemed real. But it wasn't long before I recognized myself in the parable of the prodigal son. THAT was me! I had left God for a while and then came back, and now the messiah was me in the flesh, and that scripture was ABOUT ME! Later I would realize the parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus was also about me. The theme of the second coming is about that. The prodigal son messiah.
Later on I got the chronology correct too. I gathered enough research to prove Xerxes and Artaxerxes were the same king and that 455 BCE was the true original date for the 1st of Cyrus. Then in 1998, a would-be follower who exposed herself in public to H20 found out from me the time and date of the sign that appeared. It was now seven years later. We were both convinced Jehovah might celebrate the 7th year of the second coming with some more "cloud art" imagery. She was a skyscape photographer. So she had the camera and equipment and experience. She was in another state. H20, the discussion board we were posting at was totally upset there was a follower who believed I was the Christ. They were so upset they banned both of us because they figured I had invented this person. At any rate, no cloud imagery appeared in my skies. But she had had an interesting evening. She said her skies were full of imagery and from a completely empty sky, she had seen a spectacular display. She sent the photo session for that afternoon, photos from 3-6 p.m. to me. I was anxious to see what she was talking about. When I reviewed the photos, there it was. A sleeping black child's face. I understood what that meant, of course, the dead prodigal son, who also happens to be black. It was amazing. I also saw the bird, representing holy spirit. I couldn't quite figure out what was in the lower left corner with the JIOR sent me to the library to see a video. The video was "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" wherein a mummy-like pod person was born! Viola!! I understood. The image was supposed to be a wrapped up dead body, that, like a log is snatched out of the fire!
SO.. I'm definitely the messiah. God is definitely real. He has definitely provided the "sign of the son of man" which when they see the dead black child they "beat themselves in lamentation" just as the Bible says.
BUT.. it means I'm also living proof that there really is a God and the Bible really is true. That is, from my perspective it is. My experience, subjective or otherwise, I can see I'm the messiah. Plus the chronology is absolute. The messiah arrives 45 years after the Jews return to their homeland in 1947. There's no way out of that. And my experience happened in 1992. The "7 times" prophecy was a problem since it is clear that dating the fall of Jerusalem in 587 BCE would not yield 1992. Neither does 607 BCE. But turns out the Persians revised the timeline and we have evidence in some astronomical texts what the original chronology was (i.e. VAT4956, SK400), so just based upon the specific dating in those two texts, it points to 529 BCE for the true date for the fall of Jerusalem, in which case 1992 is the fulfillment of the "7 times" prophecy for when the messiah would arrive.
SO, if you're an atheist, obviously I prove the belief there is no living God is unfounded. The usual atheistic rhetoric does not work if you've talked to God personally. So I don't have to WONDER if there is or not. I KNOW. And what's more, the Bible prophesied about me 2500+ years ago and everything in the Bible is now happening just as prophesied.
ATHEISTS are simply out of the loop of reality. Atheists don't like me because I offer more than just Bible passages or the general majesty of the universe. I have personal experience and fuilflled Bible prophecy.
JC