JW'S view of family...

diamondblue1974

This might well be an old topic and covered many times in the archives...but I confess I have not read that far yet. What has sparked this off is that I have had a conversation with my mother who is still a devout JW...until now I have never tackled her properly on doctrinal issues or on issues which I know would or could alter her belief system...she is one of those who I firmly believe need the witnesses as her crutch and to take it away would leave her life with a void she wouldnt be able to fill. So I politely keep quiet and refuse to engage her when she quotes scripture and verse usually to point out how worldly I am and that I have changed...(typical guilt trip approach).

Tonight was different in that I am getting married to my girlfriend in August and as such there are some friends who are disfellowshipped and disassociated going to be there...they are some of my best friends and companions during my young JW days and are great people and have stood by me through good times and the not so good....(more than the self professed Christians did in the WTS)

My mother apparently had to think about whether she could attend my wedding...I know I shouldnt expect any different but this was when I even went to the trouble of speaking to those concerned and they mentioned that they would keep themselves to themselves...as would anyone. Despite this assurance she still wasnt sure...i mean her own sons wedding and she cannot bring herself to attend before considering the so called spiritual consequences. In true style I mentioned that my family are those who have been there for me and have stood by me and that i wanted all those people who have been there to share the day with us...i think she got the picture because she has finally has agreed that she will attend despite her concerns. But what a sad situation to be in?

The point I am making really is what kind of religion allows such a screwed up view of family? Family should come first and i am more determined to see this through in my new family. The level of control that the WTS have over people is so dangerous its frightening.

Whilst I have read with some sympathy at the experiences of others on this post I now feel I can empathise with their situations when it comes to how family are treated when they leave the WTS....there isnt a day goes by I dont thank my good fortune for getting out when I did...

Sorry I have rambled on a bit...woops??!!

candidlynuts

its supposed to be a conscious matter if you attend a wedding in a church.. but many have found themselves counseled or even losing priveleges if the elders find out.

family should come first. celebrating the joyous occasions in your families life should be a no brainer..

diamondblue1974

To you and I it is a no brainer....i think the issue was the disfellowshipped friends being present but your right family should come first.

what can you do with people who are so heavily indoctrinated...?

garybuss

The Witness enforced conformity system will only work if the Witness people believe their relatives will treat them like crap if they leave the Watch Tower. Many follow through. Many of my relatives did. They are actually proud of themselves.

MonkeyPrincess

im sorry diamondblue, i personally know how hurtful this can be. family is suppose to be the most important thing
in the world, at least as far as im concerned.
My parents didnt attend my wedding, simply because it was to a 'worldly' man. I didnt even get married in
a church with hopes they would change their minds and come, but they did not.
All i can say is to make it a point to include her and hope she changes her mind.
I really dont have advice other than that.
My mom and dad are now shunning me completly to the point that they
have not made an effort to see their only grandchild, and my son is only
3 years old, yet he is the one suffering.

Good Luck with your wedding, it will still be the happiest day for you!

diamondblue1974

MP sorry to hear about your parents...its sad when other children are involved...as adults we can try to understand and comprehend but to a child the world is very different...protect your son...hes better off without them...as hard as that must be for you. Like you say hopefully in time they will come around. Thanks for your kind words.

AshtonCA

I know how you are feeling. I went through this as well. I was DF'd for having relations with my now hubby, then co-worker. When we got married, my family refused to come because it was in a church and he was an unbliever. So, I pretty much was the only person representing my side of the family. I did have friends from work who did come. We had everyone just sit where they wanted so that there was a balance.

We were married in a small non denominational church. The wedding was beautiful, but it was sad. My mother told me years later that if I had had it somewhere else, other than a church, she would have come to it. I said, why the heck didn't you tell me that then? I would have gotten married in an alley if it meant my family was going to be there. She said, she did tell me. I said nope, you sure didn't. I would have remembered that!

Oh well... I'm now 12.5 years into a wonderful marriage and my family loves him to pieces, my mom even calls him her son instead of son in law.

Ash

SeekingHim

I married my JW husband almost 4 years ago in the county courts. Both our immediate family were there, but I have some of the saddest looking wedding photos you could ever see. At least we were smiling huh. Our families do not communicate at all. It funny though ya know that we had a baby before we were married, and his JW parents rushed to the hospital to drool over their born out of wedlock grandson. Yeah, I expected them to love him, but they accepted us having the baby at the time we did more than our marriage (4 months later). They are cool with me, but only have me around when there are no other witnesses there, or close JW friends that wont rat them out. Ultimate weirdness. Go figure!!!!!

rebel8

she is one of those who I firmly believe need the witnesses as her crutch and to take it away would leave her life with a void she wouldnt be able to fill

A very apt description....are you sure you aren't talking about my mom?

Sometimes motivations for behavior such as your mom's is a desire to feel morally superior to other, which, due to brainwashing, now can only be filled by adherence to only the most extreme of JW rules and "suggestions". When I say "suggestions", I'm referring to things the WTS says are "conscience matters", but are really guilt trips. Read a WTS publication on any "conscience matter" topic--read the entire article. You will see that they suggest that there are risks to choosing the "looser" path and subtle indications that your conscience might be "weak" if you choose that path.

Thus, the hardcore JWs, such as our moms, always choose the most strict option, unless their personal desires are better met by choosing the weaker option. For example, my mom would not ever consider purchasing a 2-door vehicle, because it's harder for JWs to get in and out of it in the door-to-door, and the elders have talked about how a 2-door car is an indication someone is materialistic or not spiritual. Yet she lives at her vacation home for half of the year and doesn't go to meetings or out in service at all, for no reason other than she doesn't want to. She put me at risk of death more times than I can count because of refusal of blood transfusion. Yet this same woman eats fake crab, which is colored using beef plasma (per the label), just because she absolutely loves her fake crab salads.

JW'S view of family...

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