My story {aka:The saga of Zev}

by zev 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • zev
    zev

    The story of Zev

    As told by Zev

    {Who now controls his own thinking}

    my original "hello" post was here: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?site=3&id=2678&page=1

    I’m a late thirties man how has come to realize that there is something wrong with the wtbts. How I came to this revelation, is a long story. Way back in the late 80’s, early 90’s when I was an m.s. I saw an awful lot of inconsistencies with how things were being done in my congregation. Like a lot, I choose to chalk it up to, imperfect men.

    We had a problem with one of my stepsons. He got into some trouble. We choose to get the help of “loving” servants of god. As with most cases like this, he was help by being given the appropriate dose of d.f’ing. {Actually, disassociated was what they did to unbaptized offenders at the time, different name, and same result}

    That action caused my first glimmer of independent thinking. It didn’t seem right to me.

    Shortly after I stepped down from being an m.s. I did so, by waiting till the c.o. to arrive, and giving him a letter stating I no longer could serve as an m.s. You know that caused a few problems.

    You see, I “thought” that men were assigned to these positions by Holy Spirit. It became evident after my short tenure, that this wasn’t the case. It was more a case of whom you knew and whom you blew.

    I remained stagnate for may years, just going and filling the bare minimum. I knew that there were questions, but either I didn’t really want them or didn’t have the time to get my answers.

    Last year, I resolved to investigate this cult and see what it was I believed in. I have been in this for almost 40 years, and have known nothing else.

    One thing led to another. I stumbled across some references to jw molestation. And how the victims were the punished ones, and the offenders often kept their positions and continued to molest, abuse.

    At first I chalked this up to some nutcases letting off steam. I began book marking the things I came across for research at a later time.

    Hundreds of bookmarks. To much to read, but I figured, someday.

    Someday came. I started looking at all the pros and cons, much against the wise council of mother Borg, reading things about jw’s “online”. The truth was easily exposed.

    And you would think someone with 40 years under his belt would have seen this long ago, and woke up. So for about 6 months…I struggled with my newfound truth about the truth. I found this site and joined. I posted. I commented. But most of all, I lurked, reading the stories of other victims, how the wtbts has victimized them. I tried to tell my wife what I learned. This turned out horrible. That story is located here…

    . http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=5609&site=3

    So now I sit and wait. Wait for her to wake up. I wait for the day that the wtbts is exposed. I wait for the day god judges the wtbts for the wrongs they have perpetrated.

    Oh…. did I forget to mention? After doing all of the research on child molesters, wasn’t it a shock to find out this late in life, that my sister had been molested by an m.s. When we were kids?

    Yes…. another victim. Another silent lamb.

    That’s the quick and short of my story.

    Gramps
    __
    Zev
    Now feeling the pain of sitting on the pickets class.

  • Free2Bme
    Free2Bme

    zev'
    Thanks for sharing your story with us.
    I have read about your situation with your wife. Sounds pretty bad and stressful!
    You have realised that the organisation is fatally flawed and it's obvious you are preparing yourself to walk away. You need to take it slowly. It can be pretty scary to imagine how other witnesses will react when they find out and label you an apostate. Have you any relatives or friends outside the JW's who can support you?
    What is so hard for you is the sense that you will lose everything -your religion, your friends, and your marriage.
    This is going to be tough so you need to try and build a support network for yourself while you gradually detach yourself from the org. Of course you have this forum which is a great place to get things off your chest. You should also try to connect with non-JW's and make new friends. You'll be surprised how nice some of those worldly people can be lol.
    As for your wife. You seem to have decided that maybe it is only the religion that binds you together anyway. This may be the case but try not to be hasty. Remember she is probably feeling really scared by your doubts and her reaction is typical of a witness who has been taught to view anyone not in agreement with the org. as an enemy of God. Even if you feel like a hypocrite you could take a slowly-slowly approach and for now keep your new findings to yourself until you have sorted out what you really want especially regarding your wife.
    Give YOURSELF time.Plan your exit. It's up to you if you want to go out in a blaze of glory and be DF'd or fade out over a long time to avoid losing access to family members. One thing for sure, you will not be condemned by people in here. They know the pros and cons of both ways and will support you regardless.
    Hope you can get through this with as little pain as possible.

    Free

  • esther
    esther

    Hi Zev, thanks for sharing your story. I hope that the advice in your other thread was useful for you, and is helpful for dealing with the stress. Maybe the coming Dateline program will help with your wife. Have you managed to avoid going to meetings?

    I am so sorry about your sister. It must have been quite a shock to you to find that out. I hope that she is healing OK.

    Take care Zev

    esther

  • think41self
    think41self

    Hi Zev,

    Thanks for sharing a little more of your story.

    I am glad to hear that you are making progress in your "leaving process". While I am terribly sorry to hear that your sister was also a victim of molestation, it seems to me more unusual to find someone who WASN'T! Isn't that sad? What does that say about the men who are attracted to this organization?

    You know you have a support group here, Zev, and I know that Gwen is a good friend to you also. Don't be afraid to call on us for support anytime. Good luck in your exit.

    P.S. Quit calling yourself Gramps!!! I will be 40 in a couple years, and I do NOT feel that old.

    Tracy

  • zev
    zev

    ok ok....i took the "gramps" out of my signature.

    Thanks for your comments, all of you.

    Free2bme asked:

    Have you any relatives or friends outside the JW's who can support you?

    yes, three sisters, "out", and my parents, "in", who will accept me at all costs. at least i have that.

    ester quieried:

    Have you managed to avoid going to meetings?
    no, only once in a while i take a "vacation" from meetings. wifey thinks its important to NEVER miss a borg meeting.

    Thanks for your thoughts. with so many new ones here, and as a source of support myself, i thought it would be good to share another story so that others can benifit and see the wonderfull support system here.

    thanks y'all!


    __
    Zev
    The greatest consistancy of the WTBTS is their INconsistancy.

  • QCA1
    QCA1

    Reading your story makes me very sad and angry,i am not a jw and never have been my son wife and 2 grandchildren are and i would give anything for that not to be so,a few years ago the KDH where i live was rocked with child molestation eventually he was brought to court,but he was still knocking on doors until he went to prison.
    Every crime committed towards children should be exposed to the newspapers,i see catholic priests exposed all the time in the papers then why not JWS,can someone tell me why.

  • expatbrit
    expatbrit

    Zev:

    Sounds like we share some circumstances buddy. I'm early thirties. Woke myself up to reality over the past few years, and stopped going last October. My wife is still in and pretty much a hardliner (she also will try never to miss a meeting), and pressures me fairly regularly to resume participating. You know, the usual emotional blackmail stuff....

    Anyway, we seem to have taken slightly different routes: you have shared what you found with your wife, and still attend; I have stopped attending, but have not told my wife about the stuff I've learned on the internet about the WT.

    What are you planning for the future, if you don't mind me asking? Will you continue to go? Can you stand it? Did anything you told your wife make an impact?

    You certainly have my sympathy for your situation. If you like, e-mail me. Maybe swapping observations and thoughts could be helpful for both of us.

    Expatbrit

  • zev
    zev

    expatbrit,
    check your mail dude


    __
    Zev
    The greatest consistancy of the WTBTS is their INconsistancy.

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