http://www.watchtower.exposed/?p=471
Six Billion Points of Reality
by
Shyla M. Huntley
One of the many benefits I have in my profession is that I have access to various types of training and workshops. Every four years, I have to accumulate eighty hours of continuing educational credits in order to stay in my profession, which means I am always on the lookout for interesting and unique topics of discussion I can apply towards the eighty hours of my continuing education credits.
Recently, through my employer, I was offered the opportunity to join in a training called “Facilitating Difficult Conversations” presented by Everette Hill who is a psychological counselor who has been in the profession for many years. Hill truly is a remarkable man, who in the course of this discussion showed his passion for counseling and improving lives through his words and actions.
When I decided to attend this training, I had a different idea on what the topic of discussion would be. During the course of the night, I soon found myself applying this knowledge not to my profession. My thoughts quickly came to the Ex-Jehovah’s Witness community and the unrest that has been lingering about like a contagion with no foreseeable panacea in sight.
First I must define what a “Facilitator” truly is. A Facilitator is a Leader, and a Leader is a Facilitator; both roles go hand in hand. I will be using Facilitator and Leader interchangeably throughout the course of this article. My sole purpose for writing this article is to provide some insight for members of the Ex-Jehovah’s Witness community to assist them in facilitating discussion and characteristics to look for on identifying who are true Facilitators/Leaders.
Before I get into the aspects of how a Facilitator can in fact, facilitate difficult conversations, I want to make clear what a Facilitator is not. Hill explained to us (he was referring to group interactions but the same information can be applied to small, intimate groups as well) during this training that a Facilitator/Leader is NOT the person in charge of the group nor does the Facilitator/Leader have SOLE control over the group. Please take a moment to understand what this means. There are times when people have stood up in the EX-Jehovah Community and have proclaimed themselves to be a Leader of the community or by their allusions try to become a leader. Remember what was said, a Leader is NOT the person in charge or has SOLE control over the group. Some other points brought out at this training regarding to what a Facilitator/Leader is NOT worth mentioning are.
A Leader is NOT an expert
They are not the center of attention
They are not an arbiter. In fact Doctor Hill expanded on this by saying “When you become a content expert or telling someone this way or that way is better. You choose a side and YOU stop dialogue” (Hill 2014).
We know now what a Leader is not, let’s find out what a Facilitator/Leader truly is and what qualities a Facilitator/Leaders possess. According to Hill, a Facilitator is someone who sustains trust and openness. They create a safe space where all parties involved feel safe to voice their opinions, even if they are differing opinions, because they know their opinions will be respected. A Leader is also someone who has the ability to listen, they are tactful, they are committed to collaboration, and they don’t put people on the spot.
How can this information be applied to the Ex-Jehovah’s Witness community? It has been observed more times than can be counted that when an Ex-Jehovah’s Witness goes against the opinion(s) of a “leader” comments are deleted, they are called names, they are stalked, they are shunned, they are ostracized, they are told who to be friends with or not friends with, or worst yet they are deleted/blocked from ever voicing their opinions again. When this happens, learning stops and worst yet, dialogue stops. Remember what a true Facilitator/Leader is? They are not an arbiter. “When you become a content expert or telling someone this way or that way is better. You choose a side and YOU stop dialogue” (Hill 2014).
In the course of this training Hill made some points that startled me, and I want to share these with the community. When people act out, there is a very basic human emotion involved. When Hill said “When people act out, it’s from fear. And as a Leader, fear is the single most challenge that needs to be overcome” (Hill 2014). When that statement was made I started to think about the unrest in the Ex-Jehovah’s Witness community and being an Ex-Jehovah’s Witness myself I immediately made the connection. The unrest is coming from fear. Which is to be expected, because coming out of a cult that uses fear tactics to keep its members loyal and in seats will of course bleed over into life outside of the cult. Yes, acknowledge that part of the reason some people might be acting out is because of fear, but I also am not naïve to say that fear is the only motivation, but fear is a primal response we ALL have.
Another startling point Hill talked about actually made me ill to my stomach when he said this. “If people trust you, YOU have made them vulnerable, so don’t betray that trust” (Hill 2014). He then went on to explain if you are in a position of trust people unknowingly give you some of their power, and for us to be successful Leaders we must recognize that and not betray that trust.
This is something all of the faces of the Ex-Jehovah’s Witness need to recognize, whether you like it or not, because you put your faces out there and have become a Facilitator people are unknowingly making themselves vulnerable. Having experienced trusting someone who I thought was a “leader” and then not being able to share and voice my opinions and not having my opinions respected, yes I felt vulnerable and used. This is not a good feeling to have and having to acknowledge about myself, that I left myself vulnerable.
I am not naïve to the fact this article is going to come under attack because some will think I am talking about a certain person or group, but the statement I make right now is, it is NOT about a specific person or group. This article applies to the whole community and especially those who are in control of a website, Youtube channel, Blog, Facebook group…etc. Recognize you are in a position to either continue to cause hurt or you can start to heal the people who leave the cult. You decide if you will be a true Leader/Facilitator and keep the discussion going, or you will stop the discussion. You must first recognize your actions or inactions impact not only yourself, but the individual or group you are interacting with and by extension the whole community. Whether people want to admit it or not but we are ALL inner connected and what one person or group does can affect the community.
Take these final words from Doctor Hill “There are six billion points of reality and you are just one of those realities” (Hill 2014). In closing, I want to reiterate. Each person on this planet has their own reality, their own opinion, yours is only one of them and your opinion should not be forced upon another and you should not prevent another person from expressing their reality. Yes, you have your reality and you are well within your right to express your reality to others, but a true Leader/Facilitator will at the very least respect the realities of those around them and not try to control other people’s reality. There is always a moment when there is a shift in power, you are the one who decides on how you will use it.
Citation Hill, Everette (2014, December). Facilitating Difficult Conversations. Workshop. Lecture conducted from Albuquerque, NM.
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