When do you move on?

by OrangeBlossom 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  OrangeBlossom

  I was talking to my brother last night on the phone who walked away from the borg in the mid 1980's. I asked him if he ever checked out any ex-witness sites. His reply was basically, NO, since he's moved on past his time served in the borg. He spent a couple of years at Bethel.

  I told him that I felt like this place was an outlet for me since I'm technically still in and a great way to vent.

  I was just curious about how long most of the posters here have had doubts about the org. I know from reading past posts that some left several years ago while some are still trying to get out without losing everything.

  What is the average length of time someone spends here before they move on?
• 

  Skimmer

  Posting intelligent articles that help others to see the truth about "the truth" is a worthwhile activity. I only wish that such had been available to me many years ago.

  If I can help others, I see no reason to be in a rush to stop my activity here.
• 

  Sunchild

  Message boards like this were a recovery tool for me when I first left not quite a year-and-a-half ago. I've gotten over being mad at the Tower (and mad at myself for my youthful indiscretion of joining them) and rediscovered myself, I think, but I still like to check in here every now and then. Why? Well, for one, there's an outside chance that someone here could be helped by my... ah... unique perspective on things. <g> But more than that, I'm interested in the people who frequent here. Some I like; some I don't. But the range of personalities found here is pretty fascinating.

  I also like to keep up to date on certain policies, and I hope to see old friends here sooner or later. It would be nice if my former best friend could speak to me again.

  *Rochelle.

  ---------
  "Most men complacently accept 'knowledge' as 'truth'. They are sheep, ruled by fear."
  -- Sydney Losstarot, "Vagrant Story."
• 

  Amazing

  Hi Orange: I am going to be giving a talk on this at the BRCI Conference in Waterloo, Canada. It is in a couple of weeks. Essentially, I stay on forums like this to be of help to those coming out, providing my own experience of getting my family out successfully, and providing some help to those already out but who need some ideas to spark their own thinking about what they will do from here on.

  Also, I have come to realize that each person's exit is unique, with many things in common, yet with many individualized variables. Some seem to get out and never talk about JW issues again and have little or no contact with anything connected to JWs, while others seem to be eternal emotional bleeders, and take years and years to heal. One therapist told me that what JWs go through is much like what divorced people go through. Each marriage breakup has its own dynamics. Some end quickly, quietly, and little struggle. Other divorces drag on and on with fighting and constant struggle.

  Much depends on what the person felt for the organization, and what their emotinal needs are upon leaving. For me, I have moved through many exit doors. I started way ahead of my family, but once I got them to wake up, they moved way past me in a short time. Whereas, I took about 3 years before I finnaly got over it. Yet, being on forums like this in recent years, I have learned that I still had unnoticed baggage to deal with.

  I think that each person leaving the organization normally goes through a process that can take two or three years, as this seems like a good average I have observed. And what helps the process get completed is if we accept each step and work through it and not run away from what we feel, but deal with it, and then accept the healing as it comes. For me, the final healing step has come with a sense of closure ... and for me closure is participating in the recent issue to force the WTS to be accountable for its gross mishandling of the JW victims of pedophiles.

  The Final Exist Door is the name of my talk, and in it I try to bring about this sense of closure that each ex-JW should and will likely need to achieve before the process finally ends and one can move on to other things in life. - Amazing
• 

  Mulan

  For myself, including my family, ......my dub relatives will have to die, and we will have to move far away so we will never see anyone we used to be friends with, for us to move on. It's hard to move on when there are constant reminders in the community, and seeing dub family who keep preaching at us.

  Other than those things, we have moved on.
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  JT

  Posting intelligent articles that help others to see the truth about "the truth" is a worthwhile activity. I only wish that such had been available to me many years ago.
  If I can help others, I see no reason to be in a rush to stop my activity here.

  ########

  skimmer made the above statment - i agree 100%- to me it is like asking a Firman when will you stop rushing into buildings to help someone in need

  james
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  Maximus

  OB, I don't want to come across as a Zen Buddhist, but we move on when we're ready. There is no "typical" recovery. I haven't found a typical person yet. They range from those who have had depression for years to those who breeze out with arms lifted with a smile who never look back.

  I think the first step is to ask, What is my core belief? What do I really believe deep in my gut, rather than what "smart" people tell me or what I think I really ought to believe. You already have all the tools inside you; you just need to learn to use them congruently.

  Start exploring, in an atmosphere where you enjoy Nature, take fresh looks at everything, try different forms of meditation. Go to an art museum with new eyes. Take deep breaths. Read, read, read.

  You have an inquiring mind not satisfied with the superficial. If you want to take a fresh look at the Bible in more depth, get a copy of Raymond Brown's "An Introduction to the New Testament." I believe his publisher is Doubleday. Part of the Anchor Bible Reference Library. (Check Amazon.com for discounts too.) Brown ignores the swirl of controversy surrounding the false choice, either-or, Is It True or Is It Not? and concentrates on the message and context.

  If you want to go heavy duty, get "The New Jerome Biblical Commentary," which Brown edited. Exhaustive. A light version is "The New Jerome Bible Handbook." Friends to whom I've recommended it were surprised to read the Encyclical from the Pope in which he condemns narrow fundamentalist literalism and says that scholarship should let the chips fall where they may.

  Modern Bible scholarship just says the Scriptures are best understood in their historical context. One can go as far or as little as one wants. As to Brown, when I read him for the first time I was blown away by his scholarship.

  Books abound on the quest for the historical Jesus, such as those of Dominic Crossan and Marcus Borg. On the other hand, many have enjoyed reading Luke Timothy Johnson's "Writings of the New Testament: An Interpretation," which has proved to be very reassuring. Fortress Press. Several exJWs I know have savored "Living Jesus, Living the Heart of the Gospel," by Johnson. And there is N. T. Wright. Alistair McGrath.

  In none of them will you read the word "organization." If someone started a thread asking which is the word you hate the most and causes the most damage, my one-word answer would be "organization."

  Warmest,
  Maximus

  As an example of looking from different standpoints, with fresh eyes, consider the painting by Caravaggio, the Conversion of St. Paul--over 400 years old. Most artists render a dramatic depiction of the blinded Saul, while this artist has the horse looming over the helpless man. Powerful. Enjoy.