Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
____
Egotists have one really great trait. They don't talk about other people.
_____
It is impossible to know what a truly deserted area looks like.
____
Words to live by: Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
____
Strange but true: Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
____
What does 'subjective' mean? Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
____
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
____
Wanting to be 'somebody' makes you realize you really need to be more specific.
____
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
_____
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose
___
There really is only one foolproof way to look thin;
hang out with fat people!
_____
In honor of "Don't get no respect" Rodney Dangerfield.
Don't Sweat the Petty things (and Don't Pet the Sweaty things)!
by Terry 1 Replies latest jw friends
-
Terry
-
Terry
Career-wise - who do you think was the funnier of the two:
Dangerfield or Carlin?
Who has the wittiest one-liners TODAY?