JW Funeral Update

by smurfette 8 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  smurfette

  I just thought I'd let everyone here know that my Grandma's funeral went better than expected. Thank you to eveyone who offered me advice and support. It helped me more than I can even let you know.

  Dealing with my grandma's death was hard but made easier by the dark very in touch with death Irish sense of humor she had and passed on to most of her offspring. She used to tell us stories about the banshee, loved to tell the tale of getting in trouble for dancing on gravestones with her tap shoes when she was 5, and refused to give up her belief in the little people and spirits even after she was baptized. She loved the idea of the new system (kinda like the Irish Tir Na Nog) and that's what kept her "in" along with all the new friends she made who were actually good to her.

  The hardest part was dealing with all the jw family members & their friends. I found out at the family gathering before the KH that the non-jw's had not been told that I was not a JW anymore. This came as a shock to me and them as it's not like I just left the org I left 10 years ago this month. What little contact I've had with any of my family has been carefully monitored by mother (I've finally had to admit to myself after this experience that she is Controlling with a capital C) up to this point and we finally got a chance to exchange addresses and talk. It had not dawned on me that mother and the others would have not told the worldlies why I wasn't around anymore. (I know naive and I should have told them myself, just thought it was common knowledge!) The wordlies had no idea about shunning and after watching my uncle "my son's in bethel" stare through me like a ghost when I said hi they were aghast. If he thought he was giving a good witness by behaving this way he was way wrong. The shunning didn't make me want to confront them like it has in the past and it didn't make me miss them and want to rejoin the sheep like they thought it would. It just made me sad for them and grateful I'm not like them anymore. My non JW uncles & cousins stayed with me & my husband and protected me after they realized what was going on and we sat & talked about grandma while the rest discussed the latest JW gossip.

  The KH part was the worst but at the same time very cathartic. My husband had never been to a KH before and was utterly shocked at the service. They talked about my grandmother for 2 minutes and spent the remainder of the hour discussing why she was a good JW and what the rest of us needed to know to get into the new system. By the closing song both of us were out & out laughing. Thank goodness the screeching elder's wife covered it up so no one could hear. My husband later told me he's been afraid that if I went back I might rejoin as he sees it fully for the mind control it is. He is no longer afraid of this after hearing what they preach first hand and seeing my reaction to it. He has vowed to never ever go to another JW KH funeral again ever ever ever! I'm really glad I went to the KH as it gave me a sense of closure both for my grandma and for my past life as a JW that I hadn't even realized I needed until afterwards.

  Thanks again everyone and thanks for reading this it got a little wordy on me-

  -Margy
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  Vivamus

  (((((Margy)))))

  They talked about my grandmother for 2 minutes and spent the remainder of the hour discussing why she was a good JW and what the rest of us needed to know to get into the new system.

  Same went for my grandma's funeral.

  Take care, I have no words, grandma's are irriplaceable, I still miss mine.

  -

  And the world shall tremble in the wake of the Blue Bubblegum
  Dutch District Overbeer
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  bluesapphire

  (((smurfette))) I'm sorry about your grandmother. I miss mine too, although at the end she wasn't the same person (went loony poor thing).

  The JW funeral sounds just about right. My family is aghast every time my sister shuns me too. My mom told her the other day, "I prayed so hard that god wouldn't allow anyone else in the family to become JWs. I had no idea he was going to use YOU and YOUR BEHAVIOR to accomplish this!"

  She got teary eyed at the prospect that she could possibly be "stumbling" the family. Then she got over it. Guess she figures we all have hard hearts.
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  outnfree

  (((((Margy)))))),

  I'm glad the funeral went ok for you. I remember being embarrassed to tell people I was no longer a JW -- because I felt foolish for ever having BEEN one. But most reacted like, "Wow! That's a big change, isn't it?" and that was it!! Too bad you lost out on all those years of contact with the non-JW family members because they were unaware, but bless them for showing compassion as the JWs did not.

  Again, sorry about your loss. Your Grandma sounds great!

  outnfree
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  Country_Woman

  (((Margy)))
  
  I wish you all the strenght you need.
  ----
  
  8 months ago, my mother died - and I mis her every day - it was the first time that members of my family went to the Hall. (from my family, I was the only JW - my mother passed away and my daughter DF-d)
  They - the elder wo did the talking - made a capital mistake: telling us that my mothers family (i.o.w. my brothers and sister) were worse then a concentration camp during WW2.
  
  We were all baffled.
  My sister wrote this elder a letter telling him that this was something he should never say.
  He had the guts to tell us that he was serious.
  Two months later I spoke to him and he told me that "he wanted me to visit the Hall again" He was afraid that my daughter used her influence on me to let me drift away.... I told him that I did'nt need my daughter for that. He did a fine job himself....
  
  Thank goodness, at the cemetary there where no JW's invited (except personal friends from my mother) and everything on the cemetary went the way it should be.
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  kgfreeperson

  Oh, that's the new funeral line is it? If there are "opposers" in your family it is worse than being in a concentration camp? I guess it is ok now that any JWs who actually were in concentration camps are probably gone. That just sucks.
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  mizpah

  Smurfette:

  My sincere sympathy to you and your family. It is always a difficult thing to lose a loved one. And there always remains a void in one's life. But warm and loving memories help to heal the pain.

  We've had occasion with the death of my mother to contrast the simple service we had for her with that of my father conducted at the Kingdom Hall. It always bothered me even as a Witness that JWs always took these personal occasions for an opportunity to preach. Those in attendance that were not JWs were literually a "captive audience." On more than one occasion we observed them squirming in their seats as the "lecture" continued on.

  My mother's funeral service was conducted by an elderly gentleman who had been a funeral director. His words were a memorial to the life of my mother. He spoke with tenderness and kindness. He he was mercifully brief. We always appreciated his thoughtfulness.
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  Panda

  smurffette, my mother's funeral was conducted by an RC priest who knew my Mom. It was a catholic funeral but it was what she wanted. I went despite "the friends" opposition to contamination by demons hanging around the church. They asked "Didn't you feel funny about being there?" Heck, no I grew up there! My family even had a memorial mass for my mom's associates at work. Just plain ols people who loved her.

  Love. That's what I'm talkin' about.
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  run dont walk

  glad everything went well, looks like it open the eyes of your other half as well !!!!!!!!!!!

  BONUS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  take care, hope you are doing well after your loss.