When your oldest friend is a JW and they die

by Terry 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Terry
    Terry

    In my book, I Wept by the Rivers of Babylon, I described the process of having a friend, Johnny Santa Cruz, use our friendship as a platform for converting me to a Jehovah's Witness.

    That friendship cost me decades of my life in bondage to a cult.

    The friendship was real and Johnny and I bonded for life. But, the religion eventually turned him into a stone silence toward me--his oldest friend.

    Now he is dead and the imaginary reunion and meeting of the minds is no longer a possibility.

    This makes his passing a double tragedy.

    His memories were my memories. By dying he has extinguished part of my life's verifications. The bond we could have shared into our retirement years could have strengthened. Instead, they dissolved--aborted by cult pressure.

    I doubt I can get a family invitation to his funeral. It would certainly be disrespectful to attend without it. So, even in a final good-bye--I am shut out of both life and death.
    ++++++++++++++++++

    Johnny married when he was 20 and his wife was 16. He was rescuing her from her father. The dad was molesting his 2 daughters, you see, but the Brothers at the Kingdom Hall had advised the JW mother that Divorce was not the answer.

    I was at the wedding at the Justice of the Peace in a small Texas town. Johnny's sister, Judy, pretended to be the Mother granting permission.

    The marriage has lasted all these years, 1967 to 2016. He was very proud of that. His wife never graduated from High School, she dropped out. She never worked a paying job in her entire life. All her friends were JW's. It was the only life she ever knew and the only one imaginable.

    ________

    Johnny and I were friends from the age of 12. All of our early memories were the SAME memory.

    We called each other "Best best Buddy, lifelong pal." But that "lifelong" part was a dream.

    Johnny would always prod me with JW-related statements, provoking discussion about (presumably) the Bible.

    In my family, we were not religious people nor did we attend a church. I had respect--even reverence--but no emotional attachments to God or the good book. I was sort of a Nerdy intellectual kind of kid. So, we had lots of arguments--and I couldn't win those arguments even though I was using rational thinking and logic. Why?

    I didn't realize at that time, we were living in two different worlds entirely! A fancy word covers the situation: "Non-overlapping magisteria."
    The real world and the world of religious beliefs are different areas of inquiry, fact vs. values, so there is a difference between the "nets" over which they have "a legitimate magisterium or domain of teaching authority," and the two domains do not overlap.

    So, here it is folks--my life was about to take a sharp left turn simply because I needed to be on EQUAL footing with Johnny and the only way I could think of to do that was to LEARN his magisterium and master it.

    I would compare this to having a friend who is hooked on addictive drugs saying, "Just try it and see if you like it."

    One snort, one injection, one high was all it took and the next 2o years would be a roller coaster ride through hell.

    _______________

    Johnny is dead. He won't be joining his devout parents in Paradise in all likelihood. You see, he knew how so much of Jehovah's Witness teachings had unraveled not standing the test of time. He was very angry when the Awake! magazine dropped the "generations" blurb which had been his bellwether to Armageddon.
    He saw his belief system dismantled and reassembled like a Legos project.

    He was highly intelligent. But he was a profoundly loyal advocated, too.
    The arguments he and I shared never budged him off center--but they certainly rattled him to the core.

    Today I want to salute his long marriage and his unshakeable Faith.

    In the same breath, I want to shout to the world, "You were and always will be my friend--you stupid fool!"


    Johnny Santa Cruz--1947 to 2016 Rest in Peace my best, best Buddy. I wish you had remained a lifelong pal.


  • GrreatTeacher
    GrreatTeacher

    This story is so sad. I can feel you struggling on this one.

    People are neither all good or all bad.

    We meet significant people in our lives who steer us in a certain direction, but then we separate sometimes.

    They lift us up, then let us down.

    The more ambiguous their value in our lives, the harder we grieve, I think.

    Because what if things had gone differently?

    Good luck sorting out the "what ifs." And the absolute value score. And the "how important to him was I?" questions.

  • Finkelstein
    Finkelstein
    3rd. thread on this topic Terry , whats up ?
  • Terry
    Terry

    When I tried to post this topic originally, it HUNG and wouldn't upload.
    I went away and came back and tried again and again.
    I wish some moderator would expunge the duplicates.

    Sorry about this.

    I don't know why my posts hang--apparently in a queue.

    Perhaps it is because I was posting in a Starbucks on a public wi-fi.

  • Finkelstein
    Finkelstein

    Terry, It happens to myself sometimes, even on my high speed inter-net at home.

    I don't think its a problem on are end.

    Be patience, even when it hangs it will still post when you refresh the page ???

  • Terry
    Terry

    I tried REFRESH and maybe succeeded in yet anothing posting! :)

  • eyeuse2badub
    eyeuse2badub

    Terry,

    As I read your many well worded posts, I can't believe how much your life and my life mirror each other in so many ways. I'm not anywhere nearly as eloquent a writer as you but I wish that I were. lol. Things that I think we have in common:

    We are both about the same age 68-70. Both jdubs for about 6 decades. Both married young (I'm still married to the same lovely woman now for 49 years). Both went through the Vietnam era fiasco and spent a little time in "prison". Both pioneered afterward. Both wasted much of our time on this earth believing and practicing the nonsense that is the wtbts. Both woke up to ttatt later in life and are a bit miffed that we were so foolish. Both have/had as our best friend one that is/was a 'super dub' from which we were or have been alienated due to 'da troof'.

    I hope to one day meet you in person and be able to openly discuss our lives as ex-dubs i.e. the golden years of the wtbts. My 'super dub' best friend lives only 40 miles away but we hardly ever talk or see each other. We used to be able to talk about everything, including the good old days of being a witness. We often talked about all the many changes/flip flops of the borg and wondered why. I miss him terribly but he knows that I'm inactive and sort of shuns me these past 10 years since the borg has created the 'apasta-fear'.

    just saying!

    eyeuse2badub

  • Diogenesister
    Diogenesister

    Terry I always thoroughly enjoy your posts, but these ones on Johnny are Particularly touching.

    How on earth did Johnnie's sister manage to convince the registrar she was Mrs Johnnies mum?! I am picturing a tall redhead with an old fashioned 40s hat and face net, wobbley looking high heels too big for young feet surrepticiously coughing a 'yes'into an over-sized raincoat when asked who gives permission by the registrar!

    Very comical images are floating around in my head of the four of you!

    I too became a JW because of my best childhood friend. Is there any chance of your attending by way of accompanying your kids ?Even as the chauffeur? Witness literature doesn't mention services as being an issue with the disfellowshipped in attendance (funerals, weddings) but the socialisation afterwards as the issue. Could you perhaps simply ask the family if it would be ok...as a curtesy to them?After all even the most rabid dub wouldn't prevent someone from attending a funeral.

    God we humans are a mass of contradictions.

  • NeverKnew
    NeverKnew

    I don't get the permission part.

    It might be that I've never been a JW.

    If the funeral hasn't happened yet I say stop acting as an ex-JW and operate as a non JW and show the hell up out of respect for HIM.

  • talesin
    talesin

    Terry,

    I wrote you a little poem and it was on your original thread. I'll put a link to that thread at the bottom of my post; it may help you access. There are three threads, and yeah, the board has a few glitches with some of us older posters.

    I hope you are doing okay, and have lots of support 'in person'. Thinking of you. xx tal

    ,

    AFF
    I missed you, friend,
    For many years.
    Now that your're gone,
    Can't stop the tears.
    A friend forever.

    ~ Jenn

    xo


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