Hey b wolf...just think of all the fun you can have as an elders brat. You can get away with pretty well anything. Goofing talk assignments for a start. Think positive ...lol..!
I can't take it anymore!
by BlackWolf 32 Replies latest jw friends
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jookbeard
sounds like my old man (RIP),moody, stressed,foul tempered,inundated with jw crap like you say,obsessed with being a good example, unfortunately he stayed an elder until he died in good standing in 2005, I believe through all those years he was undiagnosed bipolar, the only hope is that the workload takes it toll and one day he throws the towel in, this stupid pointless position brings out the very worst in people,it makes them neglectful,pig headed,proud,pedantic,arrogant, basically into pigs of men, sorry cant be of much more encouragement -
burnedout
NeverAllowedToBeMyself has given the exact description of what happens... -
Heaven
Hi Black Wolf...
Can you tell us which Colleges you want to go to?
Have you started on your vision board or mission statement yet?
I know you love to draw... keep doing this. Can you share some of your artwork with us?
My parents went through a period of being mean-spirited, holier-than-thou. It was not easy to live with. I just focused on the things that gave me joy, avoided them as much as I could, and kept revisiting and creating/building my life plan.
When I was a kid, it was fairly easy for me to get away as we had a 100 acre farm and I could go exploring in the woods, go for a ride on one of my horses, or hide out in the hay mow in the barn. As an adult (and yes, they weren't nice to their adult children sometimes too), I would remain calm during the rants, give my logical input and then 'get busy' in the ensuing weeks which meant I couldn't visit them as much { my job was actually really busy at times ... life does get busy when you're an adult and have to do all the things your parents did for you as a kid ;0) }
I just let my parents have their rants but I wouldn't react. This is the hardest thing to do, but you can do it. Just keep saying to yourself, "I have a life plan and I am going to be leaving to execute that plan." Look at these rants as being an example of what NOT to do. Sometimes the people in our lives give us good examples to follow, other times, they give bad examples. Your Dad's rants are obviously of the bad variety.
I also got a job as a teenager in town so I had some money saved up to go to school. I got a loan from the government to pay for my College education. I paid that loan back too once I got a job.
Your life is yours to architect as you wish. Continue to focus on this.
Maybe every time your Dad has a rant, add a positive picture to your vision board.
Keep posting here too... we are listening and care about you Wolfie.
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rebel8
Being a jerk is not a mental illness.
Of course he's stressed out. Running other people's lives and policing their Thought Crimes is exhausting.
Financial independence is the door to your future. Until then, I highly recommend practical jokes as a coping mechanism. Also, giving him the finger while your hands are in your pockets can help.
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Introvert 2
Cool Rebel 8 I like that, finger in pocket ! I do that when I'm driving or alone at the shop. The Mr. Bean movie when he goes to the US as an art gallery custodian has a good skit on him flipping off people when in a convertible, here it is !
Wolfie I was an orphan and my uncle blew most of our inheritance through mismanagement. Made my brothers Tourette's way worst and lost over a 100 acres of paid for land my Dad left us with. I counted the days from 15 yo to 18, finally taking back control of my life. Hope this helps. Good suggestions above.
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BlackWolf
Thank you everyone for your advice. I have talked to my dad about it and he said that he would ask the other elders for less privileges because he agreed that it was too much.
I do have somewhat of a plan for when I leave and I have a job (although I work for other witnesses). Im almost done with my homeschool so I can start college classes soon, I plan on telling my parents that its so I can support myself for pioneering ;) I think the hardest thing is knowing that when i leave they are going to shun me and I'm going to have to deal with that if I want to be free. That hurts the most.
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FayeDunaway
Hon, if you leave slowly, they may never have to 'deal' with you. Your relationship with your parents will probably never be the same as when you were with them, but if you do it right they may not shun you. It will be hard on your father for sure, since he is an elder and his kids are supposed to be 'exemplary' and it may put him in an uncomfortable position later. But if you are out of the house, and leave slowly, they may not shun you and if you are out of the house he may not suffer too many consequences. It will be a long process, if you don't want to lose them. Others have been more upfront and ripped the bandaid off, for complete independence, with mixed results.
P.s. I'm glad your dad listened to you on cutting back! That's a good sign.
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Giordano
BlackWolf If I recall you should be 16 years old about now. You sound calmer then your first post 10 months ago. Certainly more mature. And I trust that you do get something positive from the contact and advice you have received on a forum like this. Which reminds me that always delete your web site browsing each and every time you visit any site your parents would not approve of.
Because you are isolated at home, lack of transportation and being home schooled your computer will be your window on the world and a means to further your education.
As you mature you will see changes in how you feel as well as in the relationship with your family. One of the things you should do is to try and do more around the house if your not doing that much. Volunteering to do household chores is the best way to show respect.
So when the day comes and your parents learn that your not going to be a pioneer until (misdirection) you have at least a two year degree. They will have more positive things to reflect on in terms of your maturity.
If your not ready to be entirely on your own when you turn 18 and there is a community college close at hand be sure to check out their courses like now....... on line. A lot of folks these days attend for a two year practical degree and are able to become economically independent. It is also more acceptable in the JW world to do that then going away to a 4 year college. I am not suggesting that you don't get a a higher degree just that because of the way you have been raised........ isolated from people your age and held in the grip of a high control religion you may need more time before you move on with your life, move out and begin a fade and an independent life.
Since your home schooling is finishing up starting with college prep classes would be a smart thing to do. A two year decree in say the medical field will just about guarantee a really good part time job and enough income to live on your own while you continue your education.
Your going to have your whole life a head of you and your education will be important to live it well.
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Heaven
Black Wolf said: I think the hardest thing is knowing that when i leave they are going to shun me and I'm going to have to deal with that if I want to be free. That hurts the most.
If you work it right, you can still have a relationship with your parents once you are an adult. They may not shun you. But never get baptized.
When your folks start really aging, they are going to need your help. Stay supportive but firm.