Shunning Eventually Hurts the Shunner More Than You

snugglebunny

This is worth reading. Basically it seems to be referring to the "Mean Girl" syndrome where girls who were once part of an in-crowd are suddenly ostracised by their peers, the feelings of despair that overwhelm them. However, social aggressors usually finish up with deep seated problems of their own. Similar studies have shown that ostracised persons can actually rise emotionally above those who once shunned them.

https://www.healthline.com/health-news/children-those-who-exclude-also-get-hurt-030913#3

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167209358882

Beth Sarim

Good points. There were some testimonials on youtube channels about how a big time JW shunned and snubbed an irregular or inactive JW. Then years later this JW who did the snubbing was DFd and she recalled the pain. She recalled how any organization that could enforce such a barbaric and disgusting policy has to be shut-down.

poopie

True

Biahi

I wish this whole religion could be shut down.

snugglebunny

After my DF'ing I decided no-one was going to put me down just because I no longer held the same religious convictions as others did. When my parents remarked how difficult the situation was, I told them that it was their rules that were causing a problem, not mine.

Eventually I did get some small degree of satisfaction when one witness told me that I needed reminding that it was they who were shunning me, not me shunning them. I just walked away, feeling much stronger.

LoveUniHateExams

Interesting.

I wish that shunning eventually hurts the shunner more than the shunned but I'm not if it's true or not.

Xanthippe

I would say that guilt is the most destructive emotion we have so if they do ever feel guilty about shunning us then it will eat then alive. That's how evil cults are.

Vidiot

Xanthippe - "...guilt is the most destructive emotion we have..."

Unnecessary guilt, maybe.

Guilt for doing something genuinely unethical, though?

The last bastion against sociopathy, IMO

stuckinarut2

Yes!

Turning the tables is the way to go.

One of our dear fellow forum members who walked away from the religion and her toxic parents has done this successfully.

When her parents told her she "has left Jehovah and should find another family" and other toxic comments, she did just that. She built her life successfully without her parents being a part of it.

Now her mother is at a hysterical level trying to beg for association with HER!

Yes, it's so funny to see the desperation of the JW parent as they try to develop a relationship with the child that THEY chose to cut off! She often says things like "you can't just ignore us..."

When the tables are turned, look what happens!

Xanthippe

That's interesting Vidiot I take your point. I think if they have any humanity left when they shun us they feel guilty and this guilt turns to anger at us, the people that made them feel guilty.

I think the animosity they continue to feel against us is less about beliefs and more about wanting to block out of their minds the ones that have caused them to deal with such difficult emotions.

Who is it that said it's not what we say that people remember but it's how we made them feel?

Shunning Eventually Hurts the Shunner More Than You

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