I need help with a dub who is leaving

Nowhere

I have a problem....

Ok, I'm almost finished... but... what now? How can that person begin to live a normal life, and don't feel so guilty all the time? What's the next step. The ones who I have talked to, says that this will continue for ten years maybe all of this persons life??!!!?? Help me out here, whats next? I've tried the Bible, but this person doesn't see any meaning with the bible now. I'm worried. I care a lot for this person, but I'm beginning to think that this person would have had a better life just living in the big lie and never been confronted with the real TRUTH. Should I encourage the person to get back in the witness community?

I HATE the GB. They totally destroy people. FUCK THEM! Right now I would personally kill them. ASSHOLE WATCHTOWER!!!!! I hope you are monetoring this.

Lin

I understand your worries and concerns, but no one should be encouraged to continue living a lie. Please remember that it will take time for the jw indoctrination and mind control to be relieved. If your friend hasn't already read Ray Franz book, please encourage them to do so. Also, I feel everyone should read Steve Hassan's book called Combatting Cult Mind Control. It helped me immensely. It will take time to come to terms with what the jw's have done to your friend, please don't rush anything. One step at a time. That's all any of us can do.

hamptonite21

Time will heal. Your friend my gain benefit by chatting on the boards with other exjws. That is how I have coped. Good luck!

Mulan

You said:

but I'm beginning to think that this person would have had a better life just living in the big lie and never been confronted with the real TRUTH

We have a friend who has said this about his extended family. I don't understand that at all. We are all so much better off now. Being part of a destructive religion, like the JW's, has little to recommend it. I can't see ANY value at all.

Who says you have to believe the Bible to be happy and to have a hope?? That is all part of WT conditioning. Give it up!! Your friend is right. There are people all over the world who are happy, moral, contributing people, who have never picked up a Bible and wouldn't anyway. I think the Bible is just a book, like any other self help book..............but it lends itself to developing groups of people who think they alone have the right interpretation, and judge others who don't share their feelings about it, as lacking somehow.

I agree the Steven Hassan book is wonderful. It helped me to see why my personality changed so much after we left the WTS. My true personality is finally "out", and the cult personality is dead forever, I hope. It's been nearly 8 years for us, and we are still healing, but I doubt we will ever be really free of the WTS. We would have to move far away to not have constant reminders of our old life. That book and this board helped me immeasurably!! I recommend it.

outoftheorg

Hi Nowhere.

You mentioned 10 yrs and a poster mentioned 8 yrs duration of healing. For me it is 11 yrs and there are still some vestages of the problems with wbts. However I noticed enough improvement in my life in the first year that it made the exit worth while. One will I think find the freedom of thought and action and release from the constant supervision from others takes effect right away at least to some degree and one begins to enjoy life more. Then as time goes by as another poster noted the reclamation of the old personality or the creation of a personality by those who were born into the borg takes place. This is what takes some time.

Since the time spent in the borg is a part of ones life, we can't expect to fully erase all memories and events from our minds. It is like the first love or the first rejection, it will always be there and recalled from time to time. But as time goes by it is only a memory and knowledge to use in life.

I was born into the borg. Struggled with it and fussed over it and mentally left it in my 45th year and lurked along the sidelines for another 10 yrs. Broke completely away in my 55th year.

Getting free was one of the best things that happened in my life.

Best wishes to you and your friend.

Outoftheorg

Tzu

I have a problem....
Ok, I'm almost finished... but... what now? How can that person begin to live a normal life, and don't feel so guilty all the time? What's the next step. The ones who I have talked to, says that this will continue for ten years maybe all of this persons life??!!!?? Help me out here, whats next? I've tried the Bible, but this person doesn't see any meaning with the bible now. I'm worried. I care a lot for this person, but I'm beginning to think that this person would have had a better life just living in the big lie and never been confronted with the real TRUTH. Should I encourage the person to get back in the witness community?

No one has a *life* in the WT. They simply exist. Your friend just needs time to adjust to the new found freedom, it's wonderful! Some people sail out and never look back, others need to do a bit of de-programming, good books to read have been mentioned on this thread. I needed to de-programme myself and read and read and read ...... anti witness literature! One I found useful was called *Answering Jehovah's Witnesses, Verse by Verse*. There is plenty of literature. When read with an open mind, it doesn't take a person long to see they made the right decision to leave the WT. Your friend may not look for another religion again, or for a while and that's ok. The most important thing initially is to get the WT teachings out of the head. Because it is brainwashing without a doubt, even the way they call it the *truth*, that is such auto suggestion for a start. My first thing I did, was to make a concious effort to stop calling it the truth and start calling it the lie! I can see with people who come out and do not de-programme themselves, though they get on with their lives, they still have WT teachings firmly stuck in their heads and tend to think this way when reasoning on anything to do with religion etc. They actually don't even realise they are talking this way either because they have not replaced the teachings with other teachings or simply removed them altogether from their heads. But your friend will be fine, remember Rome was not built in a day. The longer a person was in the WT, the longer it may take to adjust when coming out. But I reckon it is far easier to adjust to coming out than to going into the org. I would say the biggest problem is leaving behind friends and especially relatives who may be encouraged to shun. But even with this, people have stayed strong and never given up hope of recuing those left behind that they love. All those I know who have come out, have absolutely no regrets and make it their aim to rescue their friends and relatives.

TTBoy

Ten years of denial here. With only a few months, I informed myself about the facts about their religion. IMO I think one HAS to read and learn or the things implanted into our heads will stay and govern our actions. My parents said, "where else do we have to go?" If being in the religion makes you happy and you are comfortable with living that way...............but once you find out the "truth" is a lie, it's very hard to ever be devoted to it again.

TT

Introspection

You mentioned guilt and not seeing meaning in the bible. Well, you have to have self judgement if there's going to be guilt right? So what is your friend judging (him?) self by? And as far as the bible is concerned, it makes a lot more sense to see what meaning there is in what it has to say in a given part rather than just write it off completely as not having meaning to you personally. We talked a bit about this in another thread. Dresses and suits are clothes that are fine for formal occasions, just because the witnesses happen to wear them a lot doesn't change that fact. Being free from the JW past means not caring about their rules and such, not doing the opposite of everything they do. (example: I'll disagree with everything the bible has to say because the witnesses claim they base their beliefs on the bible) If you do that, you're still defining yourself by witness standards, you're just turning it upside down. I'm not going to let that define what I wear or read, or anything for that matter.

I need help with a dub who is leaving

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