Question for non-jw spouses

FreeGirl2006

A dub I know was recently reinstated. She was dfd for leaving her hubby for another man. She married the other man and then began the process of being reinstated. Her new hubby apparently attends the meetings with her now. My question is why? What makes a person want to attend religious services where the loved one is not spoken to (initially) and has to go through silly hoops to be accepted back in? Wouldn't that make the alarm bells clang with "Cult" warning?

Just seeking information on how one thinks in that situation and not passing judgement on choices made. I truly am curious. I was raised in this crap and now that I am on the outside looking in, I can't see what the appeal is with the dubs. I am also very prejudice in my views of the dubs having been mistreated and kicked out in my time of need.

under the radar

In some cases, the people involved as just as vulnerable to the pie-in-the-sky promises of the Truth™ as anyone else. Some may be seeking to assuage their "guilt" over past "sins."

I left the organization back in 2000, though I have never been officially DA'd or DF'd. But I digress. Back in the 90's, there was a new Circuit Overseer appointed and everyone was abuzz about him and his wife. Turned out she did not like being asked about how she "came into the Truth™." When cornered, she would admit that she was picked up in a bar by a JW who was "on his way out." Though I doubt he was actually "witnessing" to her at the time, she was intrigued by some of things he told her about the JW's. She stopped seeing him and eventually "studied" with the JW's, and the rest is history.

Genuinely good people can sometimes do things that they are later ashamed of, perhaps deeply regret. That can make them susceptible to tales of a Sky Daddy who will forgive their "sins" and bestow blessings galore upon them. Maybe it's a way of distancing themselves from their past.

blondie

*** w83 3/15 p. 29 Honor Godly Marriage! ***

Does this mean that if a Christian tires of a marriage mate or ‘falls in love’ with another person, he can freely use some situation involving fornication to change partners? Sad to say, in some cases where both partners claim to be believers, the device of committing fornication (usually adultery) has been used in a scheming and willful way to break Scriptural marriage ties. Can such ones be so foolish as to think that Jehovah does not know the “thoughts and intentions of the heart”? (Hebrews 4:12, 13) Such seem to have taken the viewpoint that they can commit immorality deliberately, be disfellowshipped for a year or so, and then with a new marriage mate “repent” and be reinstated in the congregation.

In such a case, however, considerable time should elapse before elders could even entertain any request for reinstatement. Conscientious elders would not be hasty. They need to see very clear evidence of fruits befitting repentance. Even if such a sinner were in due course reinstated, it would be many years, if ever, before the elders could recommend him for special privileges in the congregation, and in any event not before the remarriage or death of the innocent mate. (1 Timothy 3:2, 12) We can appreciate the seriousness of this sort of planned adultery before Jehovah God by recalling that under his righteous Law in ancient Israel adulterers would have been stoned to death. (Deuteronomy 22:22) And today, whatever congregations may decide, Jehovah is the ultimate Judge. “God will judge fornicators and adulterers.”—Hebrews 13:4.

LisaRose

What makes a person want to attend religious services where the loved one is not spoken to (initially) and has to go through silly hoops to be accepted back in?

I believe in most cases they are doing it to strictly please their new love. In my experience they soon tire of the religion and don't end up getting baptized.

nonjwspouse

In my case, reading parts of one WT and parts of one Awake! was plenty enough to ring those bells of warning to me. It was so dumbed down even felt insulted reading it, and couldn't imagine how anyone else would not! It weirded me out. I knew pretty darn quick that I couldn't even stomach sitting down with anyone to learn more about it ( study) and I made that quite clear.

It was almost two years later when I actually really did real research and subsequently had the beejeebers scared out of me (When hubby went all "zealous" on me and the $*** hit the fan, when he thought he was going to try to convert me.)

FreeGirl2006

Thanks for sharing!

The Governor

I was that person for awhile. I was attending the hall with my disfellowshipped partner and as they were trying so hard to get reinstated. My partner was shunned and wasn't spoken too. It is safe to say when a "worldy" partner is put in a situation like that for the first or second time where a whole congregation is shunning this person is one of thee oddest things you will ever experience. The Witnesses said it was out of love and my ex disfellowshipped partner was agreeing that it was a loving act. For me...I couldn't see it. I think one of the reasons why I went was to maybe one day try and view things the way they did. If an effort was made to see the apparent love in shunning then maybe I could see what they saw. It never happened. My conclusion was there was no love in shunning and I tried to view it from all angles. There is no way this "arrangement" was a loving arrangement...for anyone.

It was hard on the one being shunned and those doing the shunning. Trying to find the loving "aspect" in this practice I have come to realize, just because the Witnesses say it is loving, does not make it so. Being the non-witness mate it was an awkward social situation. One time I was sitting between my old bible study conductor and my partner. My partner kept telling me to ask "T" about this or that and my Bible conductor "T" would tell me to give my partner this answer and it was ANNOYING! As a "wordly" all I thought was "this is the most immature, childish bullshit that I have come across in a long time." Like seriously, people in grade 2 do this type of thing if their mad with their friend or family and talk to them through the use of others but two adults doing this?

I eventually told my partner that if they want to ask my Bible conductor anything they can ask her themselves. Both their actions at the meeting were one of the most immature things I have seen coming from two adults in a long time. So why do people like me go with shunned partners to the hall? Love I think. It made my happy that my partner had someone to talk to at the meetings. Once I understood that no one could talk with him it made me want to go to the meetings more so I could be that social out lit for him. It's hard to see someone you love being treated this way. Most witness partners accept that treatment if they are trying to be reinstated but the non-witness partner doesn't. The non-witness partner really can't do anything about the treatment so they go to be that social and mental support because we love our Witness partners.

carla

Governor, perhaps you are better (wo)man than I! There are some things I just will not do for anybody, not for love or money and supporting this evil cult in anyway is one of them. I would not, could not stand by and watch my mate be a willing victim to such abuse. For one; I would not be able to keep my tongue in check and secondly watching it first hand would cause me to lose all respect for my jw who willingly submitted himself to such abuse. It would be like asking me to watch him get the crap beat out of him all the while he is asking for more and all of them saying it is out of love. Ask an abused woman which is worse? the physical abuse or the mental abuse? often they will say the mental abuse because at least the physical ends (for that day) and the bruises and broken bones heal. The emotional hits are the hard ones to heal and stay with you a lifetime.

As for a social outlet, there are many opportunities outside of the cult for that.

I will support my mate or family members in endeavors that will make them a better person, benefit them or family in some way or is just plain harmless fun. The cult is none of those things.

Question for non-jw spouses

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