Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
I'm married with 2 children. Turned 40 this year
Were you a born in or a convert?
My parents became witnesses when I was 2 or 3. My husband has never been a witness
Are your parents / family JWs?
Yes my parents are still in, also my brother but he is inactive
How many generations have been JWs?
Started with my parents. They converted some of my dad's kids (from a previous marriage) and they are still witnesses along with most of their children.
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
I'm female so no. Did aux pioneering a little bit in my teens during the summer
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Yes to a degree. I thought the witnesses went over board with it, like having to throw away certain music cause it might be demonized, and went through the whole 'smurf' thing.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
Got baptized when I was 17 cause that was just the thing to do, and a bit of pressure from the friends I was hanging out with at the time.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
I had been inactive for a long time but still had a lot of fear and guilt. Then summer of 2011 I was driving my dad to the DC and he made the comment that he wished I would become a witness again. I dropped him off and watched him walk into the convention. After I got home, I got on the internet and it confirmed what I pretty much felt. Just a man made religion with man made rules. Reading about looney Rutherford was an eye opener.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
Internet. Google can be a powerful thing. I also rented a copy of COC at the library.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
I began to fade in my 20's, I feel like I was never a good witness, I guess I always kind of had that 'independent' attitude and thinking. I was told by my mom once, 'that's apostate thinking!' lol. But I would still go to the meetings from time to time well into my 30's. It is one thing to be physically out, but when you still aren't out mentally and still have a lot of fear and guilt it can be difficult with all the inner turmoil. I was in tears once after my parents went to a CA and told me I needed to get back to the meetings for the sake of my son cause like Noah's ark, the door of opportunity was getting reading to close and the big A would be here. I was feeling almost panicked, so I went to a few meetings after that.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
A quiet fade, the elders left me alone thank goodness
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
No, just wanted to live a happy life
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
Since I am not DF'd my family still speaks to me, I've always been close to my family. I know my parents still hope I will come back one day though.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
I haven't had to go through the terrible shunning like some on here have, and my heart goes out to them. Little things though, like someone I was friends with as a teen-ager stopped talking to me when I married my 'worldly' boyfriend. And someone on facebook de-friended me when I guess they found out about it too.
How long have you now been out?
I would go to meetings from time to time up until about 2010. But 2011 was the turning point for me on mentally being out.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Not really cause I have usually managed to do what I have wanted like the bad witness that I was, lol. But I would say holidays and birthdays the most, could never understand why we couldn't celebrate birthdays if anniversaries were ok
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
Marrying my best friend and having 2 beautiful boys
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
No not really
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
I don't regret it all, its a relief to not be so conflicted inside anymore
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
I don't like labels, but I would consider myself agnostic now
How do you now feel about religion in general?
It's not for me, I think it's to control people. But I won't judge someone if they feel like they need it in their life.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
I use to but not anymore. I love xmas, just the general warmth of it. I love the lights, it makes the long cold winter nights much more bearable. But that deep rooted JW upbringing will always be in the back of my mind, like turning the computer the other way when I do skype with my family so they won't see the xmas tree (pathetic I know)
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
No
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
Mainly regular people. I keep in touch with a couple friends from when I was a JW, they are out too.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
Only if I feel the need. Like I thought it might be helpful for my hubby to know my JW past obviously.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
I have no ill feelings toward JWs. But the society is misleading people and I think they know it.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
Hasn't happened in a while. Use to have a couple 'sisters' come by once in a while that know my family, I was always very nice to them.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
Definately favor support to those who need it. Activism could be good if it's done in the right way.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
I would have to say good websites such as this and JWfacts
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
I don't know if it will ever be destroyed, but it does seem to be changing. I mean, setting up booths now at flea markets and stuff, that would have been unheard of when I was younger. They don't seem that much different than any other mainstream religion now. But as long as they still promise paradise on earth, I think there will always be people that buy it.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
Lots of ways. It paved the path for the decisions I made when I was younger, which were not good decisions.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
Not in my personal life, I'm very happy with where I am now. I try not to dwell on the past.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
I would say both. I had/have the most loving parents, I got away with a lot more than some other witnesses my age did. I know they tried to do what they thought was best, and I'm very grateful for the values they instilled in me. But having said that, I do not want to raise my children with the JW beliefs.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
I enjoy being with my husband and children, going for walks, listening to music, my husband and I enjoy going to concerts and are looking forward to going with our boys when they get a bit older since they love music too
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Yes because of my family still being in, I want to be in the loop of what is going on.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
I read a lot on this site, and a little on a couple other ones
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
I love this place. Even though I don't post much, I enjoy reading all the different viewpoints and opinions. Such a diversity, but such a common thread we all hold. In the words of one of my favorite songs, 'we're one, but we're not the same, we get to carry eachother'.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
hope so
Do you fear the future?
I guess since I now know that this life is really all there is, I think it makes me more sad than anything. The new system was suppose to be here by now, so I will watch my parents pass away and that thought just devastates me beyond words. But I just try to enjoy and make the most of each day, I want to see my boys grow up and have their own families.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Read as much as you can. Go with your gut instinct. It's usually right.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
I would have talked myself into going to college when I was younger and then travel.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
None at all.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
No
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