Integrity over living a lie....

by Happier 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • Happier

    Hey to everyone here... So I have never been one for writing much of my feelings down for other people to see. This however has become so important to me and I may be able to help someone who dares go looking for answers some place other than the website.

    First of all I would like to thank anybody and everybody who had the courage enough to write their experience in the organisation. When something bad happens to you by people who are supposed to 'love' you it can make you feel like you have done something wrong, as if your mind is corrupt or you think that you must not have all the facts. Manipulative people make innocent, kind hearted people and in some cases victims feel as though they are in some way bad and not good enough, and if you dare speak up to defend yourself, even if it is the truth, these ones will stop at nothing to try and shut you up.

    I have decided that this religion is definitely not for me and decided to get out before it is too late to be able to develop as a person.After reading some of your other stories mine just seems totally insignificant, but I am yet again saying thank you for sharing. If I am able to summarise my experience in this religion for the past 8 years or so it would be as follows...

    As a young teen everything seemed peachy as we were new faces and everyone in a KH loves a new face that they can study with etc. Then after a mere 2 years and at the grand old age of 14 I decided to dedicate my life to Jehovah (I did not completely understand what I was letting myself in for). I must mention my mum suffers from ASD, which seemed a disobedient illness to have and was not tolerated whatsoever by those in authority. To try and cut long story short. Our family suffered from domestic violence by my step father who after beating me up several times, finally pushed it too far and left me with physically injuries. We fled the property to a nearby elders house, who to my horror left us (me and my mum) outside waiting in the car whilst he arranged things. His version of arranging things was trying to find a way to keep this quiet. After what must have been at least an hour or two he still did not know what to do. We suggested that we would simply go to shelter to be looked after for the night. He was very opposed to this as it would mean police involvement!! Anyway arguments about these occasions continued over the next few weeks, months and years and my JW step father was told he was forgiven as he was 'sorry' and nothing further was pursued in this case. This made me feel totally humiliated like I didn't matter. Further to that my mother was eventally disfellowshipped for basically sticking up for me. The merciless man who did this was a complete horror of a person and in fact still is, but anyway the charge was ridiculous they said she had been 'reviling'

    Much more has happened since then, but I have decided that if Love is supposed to be the marker of Jesus' true disciples and we will be able to see them from their fruitage, which is very evidently not here. I have recently told my best friend, or who I thought was my best friend and she basically thinks I am going to die and is scared to talk to me in case I am apostate. I feel so hurt down to the bone and so sick that the all important teen years have been tarnished by this experience. I wish to better myself though, I am twenty years old and I have to be reminded that I am worth something, I work hard and I have moved to another city and I am happier for it!!

    If anyone has any advice or wants to know more please tell me or ask questions. It is sort of soothing for the soul to be able to talk about this. Maybe I will be able to put this behind me very soon and live a long, happy guilt free life with no fear.

    Much Love...xxxx

  • Retrovirus

    Welcome, Happier! What terrible experiences you have endured!

    His version of arranging things was trying to find a way to keep this quiet

    Sadly, this is a common theme on experiences here. I'm glad you are away from this environment and enjoying a better life.


  • Truth seeker 674
    Truth seeker 674

    Happier, how old are you and what part of the world do you live?

  • Ding

    Don't spend time regretting your years as a JW.

    Be grateful to be getting out as young as you are!

  • ABibleStudent

    Welcome Happier and thanks for sharing your experiences as a JW and teenager. It sounds like you have already faded from the WTBTS. Is your mother still a JW? Who else is a JW and is important to you?

    I would recommend that you do the following to help you make your plan(s) to fade from the WTBTS, get a good education/training, and, if possible, help other JWs, who you love to critically think for themselves.:

    • Post as much as possible on JWN to either vent your frustrations and to ask for help about specific points of your plan. It is better to vent your frustrations on JWN then to JWs - just remember how your friend treated you for expressing your opinions to her.
    • Visit websites such as,, and, and to name a few to research the WTBTS's history and changes in doctrines.
    • Visit Steve Hassan's website to learn more about the BITE control techniques that the WTBTS does use and how to overcome them. Read Steve Hassan's books ("Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves, and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs"), visit his website at, and watch his videos. If you don't want to get caught reading Steve Hassan's books, I would recommend buying "Freedom of Mind" in an ebook format now and "Combatting Cult Mind Control" early next year in an e-book format. If you don't have time to read now, at least watch the following two videos of Steve Hassan at least twice: "Steve Hassan explains SIA method to rescue loved ones from unhealthy situations (2003)" and "Steve Hassan at NYC Ethical Culture Society February 2013.
    • Go to local community colleges, adult education/vocational schools, and/or high schools to take aptitude tests and obtain career guidance. If possible continue to work and attend a university/college/community college. If you qualify, apply for scholarships/grants so that you can get a better education. A good education in a desirable career field is very important while you are still young.
    • Make more non-JW friends that you would enjoy spending time with. By the way where do you live? You will need a social network to help fill the void of JWs who will be/are shunning you.
    • Only ask simple questions to help JWs to critically think for themselves. Reading Steve Hassan's books and posting on JWN will help you. Something as simple as saying Hello and is anything wrong to a JW may help them to open up about their doubts and/or use of anti-depressants. All you need to do is help them to focus on what is causing them problems and suggesting that they use the internet to search for key phrases. I would select key phrases that might help them to discovery a JW support forum.
    • Ask JWs to do fun things with you, to do fun things with non-JWs, and/or to learn about topics/hobbies that will take a lot of time away from attending WTBTS meetings and reading WTBTS's propaganda. A very time comsuming topic to learn and one that will help you and your JW friends later in life is to learn about investing. If you lived in the USA, I would recommend going to the TD Ameritrade website and learn how to use ThinkorSwim to learn more about investing.
    • Send JWs who you know anonymous emails like I wrote about in the thread You’ve Got Mail! TM. Something as simple as sending highlighted WTBTS propaganda that you can find links for such as in the thread ROLE REVERSAL: PLACING 1969 AWAKE WITH JW'S MANNING THE NEW PORTABLE LITERATURE DISPLAYS may help JWs to wonder how soon is soon.

    Best of wishes of you fading from the WTBTS, getting a good education/training, and helping others to critically think for themselves.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • OneDayillBeFree

    Welcome Happier!

    What a lovely username btw!(:

    First of all, I'm so sorry that you've gone through all of this! It's really sad and downright hearthbreaking when you see the lack of love that exists inside and when you see the truth about the "truth" in this organization. I also had what I thought was a real friend that I tried confiding in when I saw the wrongs of this religion and he reacted the exact same as your supposed "friend".

    But don't worry. This forum is filled with a wide spectrum of different faiths, beliefs, ideas and ages. You have real people here with similar experiences who know exactly what you're going through and who will treat you better than most of the brothers and sisters at the kingdom hall.

    It's nice to know that you got away and that you even moved to a different city. I myself, am a 21 year old ongoing fader. I haven't been able to free myself completely due to family reasons but I keep my chin up.

    I'll send you a PM as I believe others will do as well. To check those, you'll need to click on the envelope located next to your username on the top right corner. Sometimes you'll need to click PM's twice because the first time it could tell you there was an error.

    I hope that your life continues to be truly happier!

    Again welcome to the forum!


  • adamah

    (truthseeker, she said she's 20)

    Happier, welcome!

    What happened to you and your mother was just flat-out WRONG! NO ONE deserves to be treated like that, and then to have the elder only worry about keeping the incident up wraps to prevent "shame to Jehovah's organization" is absolutely despicable, sickening behavior. Unfortunately, that's what happens when people end up in high-control groups where they place loyalty to protecting the interests of the group above their own basic moral sense of right and wrong.

    Your mother is a very-brave woman indeed for sticking up for you, so be sure to tell her how thankful you are to have her for a mom, and give her a GREAT BIG HUG (and here's a for her, and one for you) for loving you so much! That's heart-warming, indeed, and demonstrates TRUE unconditional love, something most who are in the JWs aren't able to experience or give, since it's been trained out of them by rote instruction.

    Another day wasted in the organization is only a day you could spend moving on with your life, so you're doing the right thing and remember: give yourself the World isn't ending anytime soon, so time to recover, read the sites posted by ABibleStudent (above), and feel free to vent and decompress as much as you need; you're amongst good-hearted people here.


  • Aunt Fancy
    Aunt Fancy

    Welcome Happier, I am happy for you that you escaped the abuse of your step father and also the religion. You are young and you have a wonderful future ahead of you. Getting out while you are young is such an advantage. Continue to do reading and research about the religion to help you get all the lies out of your mind. I hope you are able to go to college or have gotten a good trade. We are here any time you need to talk.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    Hello Happier, Nice name. :)

    Welcome to JWN and learning TTATT ( the truth about the Truth )

    You are so wise for being only 20 and getting out.

    I wish you well on your journey in Life.


  • JakeM2012


    Thank you so much for telling your story. I am so sorry to hear of your situation. Please, do not think that you experience is insignificant. You have been treated horribly. Many are abused mentally and some are abused physically. I wish the best for you and your family, and your welcome to contact any of us personally via email for more support or collectively here. Many of us have struggled with healing, you will find others here with similar experience.

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