Hey to everyone here... So I have never been one for writing much of my feelings down for other people to see. This however has become so important to me and I may be able to help someone who dares go looking for answers some place other than the JW.org website.
First of all I would like to thank anybody and everybody who had the courage enough to write their experience in the organisation. When something bad happens to you by people who are supposed to 'love' you it can make you feel like you have done something wrong, as if your mind is corrupt or you think that you must not have all the facts. Manipulative people make innocent, kind hearted people and in some cases victims feel as though they are in some way bad and not good enough, and if you dare speak up to defend yourself, even if it is the truth, these ones will stop at nothing to try and shut you up.
I have decided that this religion is definitely not for me and decided to get out before it is too late to be able to develop as a person.After reading some of your other stories mine just seems totally insignificant, but I am yet again saying thank you for sharing. If I am able to summarise my experience in this religion for the past 8 years or so it would be as follows...
As a young teen everything seemed peachy as we were new faces and everyone in a KH loves a new face that they can study with etc. Then after a mere 2 years and at the grand old age of 14 I decided to dedicate my life to Jehovah (I did not completely understand what I was letting myself in for). I must mention my mum suffers from ASD, which seemed a disobedient illness to have and was not tolerated whatsoever by those in authority. To try and cut long story short. Our family suffered from domestic violence by my step father who after beating me up several times, finally pushed it too far and left me with physically injuries. We fled the property to a nearby elders house, who to my horror left us (me and my mum) outside waiting in the car whilst he arranged things. His version of arranging things was trying to find a way to keep this quiet. After what must have been at least an hour or two he still did not know what to do. We suggested that we would simply go to shelter to be looked after for the night. He was very opposed to this as it would mean police involvement!! Anyway arguments about these occasions continued over the next few weeks, months and years and my JW step father was told he was forgiven as he was 'sorry' and nothing further was pursued in this case. This made me feel totally humiliated like I didn't matter. Further to that my mother was eventally disfellowshipped for basically sticking up for me. The merciless man who did this was a complete horror of a person and in fact still is, but anyway the charge was ridiculous they said she had been 'reviling'
Much more has happened since then, but I have decided that if Love is supposed to be the marker of Jesus' true disciples and we will be able to see them from their fruitage, which is very evidently not here. I have recently told my best friend, or who I thought was my best friend and she basically thinks I am going to die and is scared to talk to me in case I am apostate. I feel so hurt down to the bone and so sick that the all important teen years have been tarnished by this experience. I wish to better myself though, I am twenty years old and I have to be reminded that I am worth something, I work hard and I have moved to another city and I am happier for it!!
If anyone has any advice or wants to know more please tell me or ask questions. It is sort of soothing for the soul to be able to talk about this. Maybe I will be able to put this behind me very soon and live a long, happy guilt free life with no fear.