For those of you who still have faith in God and feel a need to worship him, I sincerely hope you have more peace than I feel. Peace with my spiritual division with my wife continues to escape me. I really need someone to talk to to help me figure this out but my work schedule allows for so little time so I come here. It's getting to feel hopeless. I'm never going to have the life that I've wanted. Sure, many people live with regrets and things can be worst from reading some of the members posts on this forum but I'm beginning to feel sorry for myself which is so against my nature in other areas of my life. Recently I realized that I stopped having these dreams about my wife. I constantly had dreams of her cheating on me and it was always a situation where I thought I had to share her with someone else. I would wake up bothered because it happend all the time. Ever since she became more gungho about her JWism, I stopped having these dreams but felt depressed and lonely. Never thought of analyzing my dreams before but I think that these dreams were some how connected to a betrayal I felt with her need to be a jw. Now that things are so much more in the open and that I can pretty much count on her never missing a meeting, feels like she chose the other guy. Intellectually I see our situation as a division that many people deal with but psychologically and spiritually, it feels like a divorce. Biblestudent, still havn't talked to Hassan or one of his counselors simply because I have so little time when my wife is not around or I'm strapped for money and just can't afford the $100 consultation. I will call them very soon though. Always looking for encouragement. Thanks guys...
Spiritually divided and the pain of it all...
by marriedtoajw 4 Replies latest jw friends
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Sapphy
I'm sorry you're going through this marriedtoajw. Religion comes first for a true believing JW and that does affected many religiously mixed marriages badly. It is rough. Hopefully some of the married members on here can help.
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*lost*
Yeah, I kinda know how your feeling in life right now buddy, bit low and blue myself.
You realise, all of a sudden, just how much you have been struggling along, for such a long time, and you wonder, how on earth did I / do I do it ?
When you finally get to breaking point, as hard as it is, when you love your mate, but you know it is not, and never will work unless there are major changes, you are faced with a stark question.
What am I going to do?
Fortunately, you are at the edge of the 'fall' but you can decide what and how your going to handle it.
It is hard, but to survive, you have to, sometimes put yourself first.
Hope it get's better for you. I wasted/lost 20 yrs I can never get back. the last 10, well, just a nightmare, the last 3, totally mental, still not out of the woods yet.
Put yourself first, stay healthy, stay fit, stay strong, stay in work and just take the wheel.
(put you moral compass on hold, and lock up your conscience, lol.)
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nonjwspouse
Married to a JW, Pm me ANYTIME.
This feeling of betrayel, it is just like the feeling of your wife having an emotional , ( physical to the point of lots of time away from home) and spiritual affair with a high mind control cult. To live day to day and see her choose the Cult over you is a pain only you can know the depth of. She knows the pain you are in, sees the pain and is indifferent to the pain you are experiencing. I found many JW still in have no real ability to have empathy.
I am in a lull right now with my wanting to progress husband. But I kow this is a ticking time bomb. Either this massive health scare that was just diagnosed ( he dodged a massive stroke bullet for months, unaware and undiagnosed) he has become extremely uncommunicative, and in bed 90% of the day ever since finding out the true diagnosis this past Thursday. What does this mean? I wish I knew. If he takes it as some sort of gift from jehovah and that he now owes it to the organization to give his life over to them, my life with him will crumble.Only time will tell. I live with wondering "if only" what should I say, do, act, to help him feel more like it was life without the organiazation for the past year that actually helped him.
Your pain is raw, and ongoing. I wish like anything I knew how to help sooth it. I resorted to xanax for a time even! Trying to remain c.a.l.m when it is close to impossible to do.
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Mum
It's sad to see families messed up by this high control cult.
If you don't have money for counseling, I recommend that you try Al-Anon. Al-Anon is for families and friends of alcoholics, but it can help restore serenity to anyone in a situation which they have little or no control over. Members of Al-Anon follow a 12-step program and learn what they do and do not have the ability to change. I hope you will give it a try.
One advantage that you have is that you are the man of the house, therefore "the head" of the household. If your wife is neglecting you, complain to the elders of her congregation, and see whose side they take. Make plans for meeting nights, and tell her you'll talk to the elders about "allowing" her to spend some time with you instead of going to a useless meeting.
I hope things improve for you.