Things we missed out on :(

by lilbluekitty 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • lilbluekitty
    lilbluekitty
    Anyone else get really mad sometimes about the fact that we missed out on proms, dances, sports games, being in sports, being in band, being in clubs, or going to college, or even getting good grades since Armageddon was always "right around the corner"? Even if I went to college this year (at age 28), I'd be 10 years behind everyone my age! I'm still going to go back but I feel so upset sometimes how far behind my peers I am in just about everything, including in the working world, where I am an entry-level employee with only a high school diploma (thankfully I didn't quit school to pioneer!!) and 12 college credits (I went for a year of college when I was 18 but quit due to being heavily indoctrinated, I plan to go back as soon as I can afford it.) It just makes me sick sometimes how much of my life was taken from me, ya know? I am counting my blessings now but feel angered how far behind my life seems sometimes due to that damned cult. :(

    I posted this on Facebook but deleted it because I forgot it was on my personal account...would rather post it here. Sorry for the weird formatting.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    Try not to look at the past. It's too heartbreaking otherwise. You are moving forward now, and you can now change the things in your life now and in the future. A major healing step for me was to stop staring back at the past, and yes while you can learn from it, don't let it dominate your present and future. Some who are always stuck in the past develop a victim "why me" mentality. They become paralysed to help themselves in the here and now. Be determined to make the future what you want it to be. You are not a victim, you are a survivor!

  • whathehadas
    whathehadas

    Yes, unfortunately I do. It's the thing that you'll never be able to escape, no matter how far you get in life. Julia gave some good advice but we are humans, and the past stays with you. You can learn from it and help others that may be in the same situation. Overlooking it is MORE difficult than you can tell yourself otherwise. You can go sometime with ignoring your past in the cult but being around people who've never been, they'll constantly remind you of their memories of doing NORMAL things in their childhood and adolescence. Just try to be positive and work hard to get where you want to be. That's my advice..

  • snare&racket
    snare&racket

    I am gutted that i missed out on so much and lost my youth, we only get one.

    8 hours a week lost attending meetings, another 3 on ministry. Saturday mornings, Sunday mornings for nearly two decades, wasted, stolen.

    School, girlfriends, careers, hopes and dreams all stamped down before they could grow.....Then there is the sacrificed birthdays, Christmas, 'worldly family'........And for what? Is it really good enough that a child experience that just becsuse it makes an emotionaly challenged parent feel appeased Obviously not, yet still more join or cling on to it.

    What really confuses me is ...."the JW's stole my kids...".. No YOU, the parent, the guardian stole their life, their freedoms, their rights, their youth from them, you handed them over in exchange for emotional appeasement. Considering the sacrifices and costs involved, a little more research and thought may have been appropriate as a parent.....maybe? Especially as parents who buy into thus crap have had their life, had their chance, had their youth. They are not the ones making the significant sacrifice. Of course your indoctrinated children stay entrenched, YOU brought them up that way, also it is so much to have lost if it was all for nothing. They will have lost so much more than you if they quit.

    Keep children out of religion, teach them how to question, seek answers and appraise evidence first..... The cost of indoctrination is too high. Being different as a child is hard enough as it is, watching other children not only be 'normal' but have all of the above can be too much. For me it was probably easier to pretend it wasnt a shit life when I was younger , believed the teachings, now its evidently untrue, it becomes a significant loss, never to be experienced again. Its done now, nothing can be done,,but for others who have children, this is your responsibility, your desicion. The control the 7 men have over your kids is a fallacy, they are not dictating your children's life, you are! You can stop anytime you want, your children can't.

    JW kids are brought up quicker than a chicken mcnugget, the bible stories book starts with desolation and ends with depictions of destruction. the JWs talk about protecting kids from violence, sex snd magic, whilst the bible story book is full of illustrated violence, blood, death, murder, magic, sex and even rape. Children should be thinking about robots not jesus on a stake. Non JW tots don't steal or lie or swear , all without the crazy, evil indoctrination of a sky man that is always watching and if you do 'wrong' will be angry with you ... (Point to picture of agesd Adam and Eve..... )

    If i have the privelage of being a dad, my children will be watching cartoons on Saturday mornings and not dishing out mags in the rain, if I am lucky enough go witness that, I believe it will be restitution for what I missed out on. If you are an ex jw with kids that left to protect them, know you have my utmost respect xxx

  • Xanthippe
    Xanthippe

    Yeah I do feel mad about it lilbluekitty. My daughter is going to university in September and I think I am going to hide in her suitcase! Go for it, get your degree. Strangely I used to feel my life was so far behind but lately I feel I've caught up and am doing more than people my age where I work. Probably because we do feel it so keenly that we have missed out we actually work very hard at making every day count now.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    I wasn't born in; I converted in my late teens so I got to do all the normal stuff kids do, so I really don't understand where you guys are coming from. I've had my share of therapy though, and my psychiatrist says to keep looking at where you want to go from here, and not at the past.

    I suppose it's only human to have regrets though, especially for you guys whose parents inflicted these things on you. They were doing what they believed to be right, but you had no choice.

    On the other hand, I gave up all those things voluntarily, so I have nothing to be sad about because it was my own damn fault!

  • snare&racket
    snare&racket

    Moving on is totally do-able, yes I am annoyed if i think about it....but i rarely do think about it.

    i have moved on now, I got myself into school at age 26, then college, then university and I will be a doctor in under a year.

    i am lucky, I got out just in time for a second chance.

    There is life after watchtower and I have never been happier x despite this, there will always be a sense of loss. however there was nothing we could do about it, we were not the parents. If and when we are, that's our turn to do it right ;) x

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    I feel a lot of sadness and regret over what I gave up, although I was an adult when I became a witness so I got to experience my own childhood and adolescence without borg influence. My husband and I started studying while I was pregnant with our first baby, and we stayed in until our youngest was 4. I gave up 13 Christmas celebrations, 26 of my children's birthdays, normal relationships with our non-witness family members. Our choices cost my father in law the chance to celebrate even one Christmas or birthday with his grandchildren. He died before we left the Borg. I know it was my own fault, I'm not blaming anyone else. I feel a lot of guilt over what my choices cost my children and my non-witness family members.

  • MsGrowingGirl20
    MsGrowingGirl20

    YOU LOSE SOME BUT U WIN THE REST!

  • NVR2L8
    NVR2L8

    I fully agree with Snare & Racket...my parents converted when I was 4 and I can't remember not being a JW. Never celebrated "pagan" holidays or birthdays. I woke up in my mid 50's and today I realize what I missed in life outweights the "benefits" of being a JW. Just a few examples: freedom to think and act freely - not having to tow the WT party line, to be able to express love for family members who don't share my beliefs - I shunned my daughter for 10 years...10 years I can't make up for. I was talented at school but in the mid 60's I was told not to waste the few remaining years getting an education because the end was here. For the longest time I believed the "truth" protected me from turning into a worthless person or a criminal and that the education I was receiving in the organisation was special. Sure, I learned how to speak in public and how to sell ideas to others...but several people I work with learned the same skills in college or university and they did it in 4 years while I spent a whole lifetime attending meetings where the same things are taught week after week....and by the way, where is my diploma? Some have said that no one forces us into the cult...I agree, but the brainwashing is gradual and painless...until you are so conditioned that you would forfit your life or the life of your children by refusing a blood transfusion...Suicide bomber in other religions are not forced either!

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