Some funny/curious quotes from the 2013 Yearbook (part 1)

by cedars 45 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  On a typical day, several hundred thousand people
  read our publications online.

  An unprovable statistic, similar to if they asserted that every printed ragazine was read.

  They download close to half a million audio,
  EPUB, PDF, or sign language video files.

  I'd love to know how many of those downloads were of the ASL instructional video, "How to Masturbate, for Men and Women."

  Daily, a hundred people request
  that someone study the Bible with them.

  My old congregation got a few such requests that came from the old WT web form. It included addresses that didn't exist and a request for a Bible study submitted in the name of a first grader in our own congregation, which he hadn't submitted. The forms that go to the congregation include the day and time submitted. This kid's supposed request was at a time when the family was away from home and any Internet access. I suspect evil apostates... and it wasn't even me!
• 

  Balaamsass

  Shame on you Billy....sending that Bible study request form for "Candy" at the strip club......
• 

  Balaamsass

  Queen Witch,

  Thanks for the lead. I googled the event you refered too and and posted the news story on a new thread. All I can say is WOW. I feel so bad for the husband and kids. It is amazing how WTBTS has rotted the brains of so many. Needless deaths.
• 

  notjustyet

  "When Nihad greeted him, the man said: “Excuse me, I noticed a magazine in your car with the title, ‘How to Be a Good Father.’ I would really like to have a copy." (From an article entitled "The Title Intrigued Him," page 65)

  I would be glad to give you a copy but first let me ask "Wasn't that magazine located in my locked glove box?" Another question "Are you possibly related to a person I read about in the 60s who was burgling a house and hid under the homeowners bed and when they heard her praying before bedtime he felt gods spirit flowing through him, but not enough to not steal her bible and then learn the truth and then years later he heard this sisters experience about having her bible stolen by a burglar and realized it was he who stole her bible and approcahed her during the intermission and they both ran at each other, in slow motion, and embraced each other slowly spinning while holding her up off the ground saying out loud "Sister, Sister, my lovely Sister, im one of you now!!" Were you related to that person or are you a made up story just like he was?

  NJY
• 

  dorayakii

  “I’m so happy to see my son get baptized as a man.” (The happy ending to an article entitled "A Transvestite Makes Changes," pages 57,58)

  This made me laugh so, soooo much!!

  I really appreciate your effort in reading this drivel for us so we don't have to.

  Ste Rikhardsson
• 

  88JM

  Hey Ste :)

  Yeah - it's actually an unwritten rule that even regardless of any gender reassignment the person has had done, you will be ""baptized" as the "gender"" you were at birth. (Whatever that even means I don't know - apart from the order they do it (males first) and the announcement(s) made after, I'm not sure how they actually baptize women any differently from men?)

  John